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Free Group Phone Counseling With Capt Tom Wednesday 10 PM - 11 PM Eastern Time
- dial (712) 432-3900
-
when asked, enter the conference ID 9352101 followed by the # sign
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Turbulence
Andrew, our excellent web designer, has come up with a new turbulence forecast page. Have a look. It is at www.fearofflying.com/flightsupport/turbulence.shtml.
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So Much Ineffective Help Is Offered
As anyone can see from our domain name,
www.fearofflying.com, we were on the web in its early days. There were
only two other programs on the internet. One was a pretty good one. One
was questionable. Now, unfortunately, there are many ineffective forms
of help being offered.I came across comments posted on a travel message board - not this message board - that expresses the profound distress so many people feel when the help they have tried is ineffective.
www.fearofflying.com, we were on the web in its early days. There were
only two other programs on the internet. One was a pretty good one. One
was questionable. Now, unfortunately, there are many ineffective forms
of help being offered.I came across comments posted on a travel message board - not this message board - that expresses the profound distress so many people feel when the help they have tried is ineffective.
You can find the whole thread at this link. The person, posting under the name Phoenix2k, wrote the following:
I am just wanting to know if anyone here can give me any ideas on top of what I have already tried, . . . in the past, I've tried:
-
Hypnotherapy 1 on 1 (did nothing but I did only go once - very expensive!) and earphone hypnotherapy which I have been listening to for about 4 weeks now.
- Getting blind drunk on a night out before going straight to the airport (turned me into a drama queen and made things worse not better)
-
Taking cocktails of drugs to knock myself out.
- Doing nothing at all and cross my fingers and toes to feel better (Probably the worst thing I could do nowadays as I feel as though it is my will alone keeping the aeroplane in the sky!)
- Tried relaxation breathing methods (How are you meant to control your breathing when you cant even think straight!?)
- Taken online self help online classes
- Viewed around about 10,000 websites and statistics to try and ease my own mind!
- Even tried looking at the actual crashes/information etc so I can see how they ensured that wouldn't happen again etc.
The following post responded to Phoenix2k and recommended the course offered online by Capt. Stacey Chance. Phoenix2k responded that that was the online course he tried.
I responded to Phoenix2k as follows:
Phoenix, I feel for you with all the things you have tried. I'm a retired captain (Pan Am and United Airlines) and a licensed therapist. I worked with the original fear of flying course that was offered at Pan Am. It, like the other courses today by pilots, was based on the idea that if you know how safe flying is, you will overcome your fear. It isn't that simple.
Courses that explain how safe flying is still leave the question of safety up in the air because planes do, though rarely, crash. Medication is not effective. Hypnotism is "hit or miss". Cognitive therapy does not work for many people because the feelings develop too rapidly to keep the mind clear enough to use the cognitive "tools". What is needed is an automatic way to control feelings.
We are born with half of the emotion regulation system in place, the half that revs us up. The half that calms us down does not exist at birth. By eighteen months a part of the brain develops that can let the child calm itself. The child memorizes the steps caregivers use to provide calming. If the steps are highly effective, the child can calm itself independently using the steps memorized.
Obviously, caregivers - regardless of how much they care - vary in their ability to tune in the child and assure the child effectively. As a result, few of us get an optimal ability to calm ourselves.
During teenage years, we tend to think bad things only happen to others. This youthful optimism gets us by for a few years without excessive anxiety. But as we mature, we realize something can happen to us. We then turn to strategies to keep anxiety when dealing with uncertainty under control. The strategies typically involve control and escape.
Control: when the ability to control anxiety is not naturally available, we depend instead on control of situations to avoid anxiety. When driving a car, we believe we can make everything work out alright. Though driving is not as safe as flying, we feel safer because the wheel is in our own, not someone else's, hands.
Escape: if there is a car accident, there may be a chance of surviving. If a plane, people mistakenly believe that if something goes wrong they are doomed. In a plane, if something goes wrong, backup systems are used. Backup systems make flying safer than driving. But these systems are in the cockpit where they seem theoretical. Though backup systems provide greater safety in a plane than is available in a car, the systems are not as real to a passenger as a steering wheel is in the hands of a driver.
Since the backup systems are not concrete enough to make passengers feel safe, many try to escape psychologically by keeping their thoughts elsewhere throughout the flight. If, due to turbulence, the person cannot keep the flight out of mind, there is no way to keep feelings under control.
I need you to understand that the feelings you are troubled by are caused by stress hormones, mainly adrenalin and cortisol. They rev you up. When you get several "hits" of these stress hormones - caused by several thoughts, worries, concerns, etc. - you get claustrophobia, high anxiety or even panic.
We prevent the release of adrenalin and cortisol by causing the release of oxytocin. Oxytocin shuts down the amygdala, the part of the brain that triggers the release of the hormones that cause fear.
We cause the release of oxytocin by linking each thing that happens on a flight, and each thing you worry about, to the memory of a moment that causes oxytocin to be released. Once the links are established between an oxytocin-producing moment and troublesome moments of flight, high anxiety and panic are automatically controlled. This is an advanced way of controlling the feelings, and it was not possible to do this until research using brain scan technology showed us how the brain works.
To establish the links, a person follows step-by-step the linking sequences shown on the video on my web site which you can find by searching using the term "soar fear of flying"
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"I Am Different Than Everybody Else And It Won't Work For Me."
Fear of flying brings on other painful feelings, such as "I am different than everybody else and it won't work for me. I marvel at the success stories and want that to be me. I do not want to be a prisoner anymore."
I wrote back as follows:
You hit on the very core problem that causes fear of flying in the first place. When we are infants, and very young, our mothers respond to our signals. We naturally get the idea that our mother is part of us, an extension of our desire. We want something . . . our mother gets it for us.
But then something happens. She doesn't. We can't get her to respond. Finally we understand that she is a separate person. She has a separate mind! This means there is a gap. She can do whatever she wants to. She can walk away and never be seen again. She can refuse to give me food. She can decide to never touch me again.
The question is, can the gap of separateness be bridged? For some of us, yes. For some of us, no. The gap is bridged if she, often enough, tunes in to us, and is empathic, can feel what we feel, and provide what is needed. The gap is not bridged if she doesn't know how to tune in, is in her own world, doesn't care, or can't feel what we feel. If the gap remains, we feel abandoned psychologically, even as she stands nearby. How did I get put in this family? I don't belong here. Or, maybe I'm just different. Very different, as if from some other planet.
The gap is almost unbearable. But, what choice is there but to get used to it. Feelings arise. Anger. Tears. They can't be controlled. The mother doesn't understand them. She just wants them stopped. The gap can't be bridged.
Perhaps this helps you understand why it seems you are different. It also explains why feelings are a problem; no one reached across the gap to feel your feelings with you.
Or, at least not often enough. But that is why we search, in the Strengthening Exercise, for at least one moment in which the gap was bridged. And we grab that moment. In that moment, fear went away. In that moment, oxytocin - the anti-fear hormone - was being produced. We felt safe. We link that moment to each moment of flight.
Thank you so much for all you've done to help fearful fliers, I don't know if you can ever understand how crippling the fear is if you haven't felt it, but it can feel really hopeless, and just knowing there are others out there who understand was a huge first step for me. I know a lot of your clients probably feel like they will never be able to just get on a plane and go but I know it's possible now. I can't say I will never have anxiety or fear about flying again but I am able to manage it now so that I can do what I need to do.
But then something happens. She doesn't. We can't get her to respond. Finally we understand that she is a separate person. She has a separate mind! This means there is a gap. She can do whatever she wants to. She can walk away and never be seen again. She can refuse to give me food. She can decide to never touch me again.
The question is, can the gap of separateness be bridged? For some of us, yes. For some of us, no. The gap is bridged if she, often enough, tunes in to us, and is empathic, can feel what we feel, and provide what is needed. The gap is not bridged if she doesn't know how to tune in, is in her own world, doesn't care, or can't feel what we feel. If the gap remains, we feel abandoned psychologically, even as she stands nearby. How did I get put in this family? I don't belong here. Or, maybe I'm just different. Very different, as if from some other planet.
The gap is almost unbearable. But, what choice is there but to get used to it. Feelings arise. Anger. Tears. They can't be controlled. The mother doesn't understand them. She just wants them stopped. The gap can't be bridged.
Perhaps this helps you understand why it seems you are different. It also explains why feelings are a problem; no one reached across the gap to feel your feelings with you.
Or, at least not often enough. But that is why we search, in the Strengthening Exercise, for at least one moment in which the gap was bridged. And we grab that moment. In that moment, fear went away. In that moment, oxytocin - the anti-fear hormone - was being produced. We felt safe. We link that moment to each moment of flight.
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"I Don't Know If You Can Ever Understand How Crippling The Fear Is"
Ever since I found your website and began the process of learning to manage my fears, a big focus has been learning how to have a different perspective when reading or watching coverage of air disasters. I no longer see these stories as validating my fears, but focus on lessons learned, the safety improvements that each disaster leads to, and the people who survive in the extremely rare cases where something does go wrong.
I had flown once in 14 years when I found your website - I had done some self-therapy but still struggled and avoided flying whenever possible. When I learned a close friend was getting married in California back in 2004, I made the decision that I would not let this fear steal opportunities from me anymore. A friend recommended your course & website and within the year, the support, information, and resources you provided helped me to finally learn to manage my fear. Since then I met my now-husband, and flew to Florida for a cruise with him after only 4 months (in the past I probably would have freaked out and sabotaged the relationship just to not have to go!) followed by vacations to Aruba, the Bahamas, Daytona 500, places I had always wanted to go but never could.
Last year my company decided to promote me to manage and train employees in our Georgia office; they told me they wanted me to fly there in a week, and I said, sure, without even thinking about it! (My only previous business trip had been from Boston to Philadelphia and I agonized for weeks over asking my boss to let me take the train!) I booked my flight that same day and was on a plane a week later thinking how unbelievable that was, when I used to be stressed and anxious for months if I had to fly for a vacation! A few months ago my husband's boss offered us a FREE trip to the Bahamas and I thought, how awful would that be if I wasn't able to take advantage of that!! I was excited the other day to learn my company is sending me to Georgia again next month. This really has changed my life and I don't think it's a coincidence that after tackling my fear, I met my husband, had my first successful relationship, got a great job, and became so much more confident than I used to be.
Thank you so much for all you've done to help fearful fliers, I don't know if you can ever understand how crippling the fear is if you haven't felt it, but it can feel really hopeless, and just knowing there are others out there who understand was a huge first step for me. I know a lot of your clients probably feel like they will never be able to just get on a plane and go but I know it's possible now. I can't say I will never have anxiety or fear about flying again but I am able to manage it now so that I can do what I need to do.
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SOAR Will Work For You Too
SOAR was established in 1982 because no programs existed that could
help people with moderate to severe difficulties. Even today, no other
program offers help that is effective except for mild difficulties. No
matter how difficult flying is for you, we can help.
- Call me at 877 332-7359 between 10 AM and 6 PM Eastern time or
- Set up a time online at http://soar.genbook.com
- No Charge. No Obligation. Just get the information you want.
Or Enroll Right Now And Get This Over With
You will feel better as soon as you make the decision.
You will feel better as soon as you make the decision.
- Accelerated courses give you the most help possible in the time you have available.
- A twenty-minute private session and unlimited group counseling sessions are included.
- What you pay is 100% transferable to the SOAR Video Course 11 DVDs.
Start viewing on your computer screen in two minutes.
- Get a compact version of the SOAR Course.
- Load it on your laptop, iPod or other media player. More info.
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Unsure Which To Choose
If
you are unsure which is best for you, please call me at 877 332-7359 so
we can talk it over. You will feel better as soon as you decide to act.
We are always here to help. As you go through the program, call or email whenever you have a question or a concern.
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Patrick In Haiti
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Discuss Or Schedule An Individual Session -- Call 877 332-7359
Call between 11 AM and 6 PM Eastern Time (same time zone as New York)
You'll reach me easily. The toll-free number rings my cell phone.
Call between 11 AM and 6 PM Eastern Time (same time zone as New York)
You'll reach me easily. The toll-free number rings my cell phone.
- find out how I can help you with flying
- discuss the possibility of a counseling session
- set up a time that fits your schedule
Outside the U.S. and Canada call 203 258-4803
- a twenty-minute session is $60.00 if not enrolled in a course.
- one twenty-minute session is free if enrolled in any course.
- additional twenty-minute sessions are $60.00.
- two one-hour sessions are included in the SOAR Guaranteed Program
Schedule An Individual Session Online
Note: Times Listed Are Eastern Time (same as New York)
