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Free Group Phone Counseling With Capt Tom Wednesday 10 PM - 11 PM Eastern Time
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Anticipatory Anxiety
Someone wrote, "I have struggled with this for a long time. I have made several short flights since my fear developed and the truth is that once I am on the plane I'm not bad. I am a little anxious before takeoff and landing but I can tolerate it and sometimes even enjoy the flight. My problem is the overwhelming anxiety I have leading up to the flight. I become so overwhelmed with fear that I can't sleep. I can't function. If the flight is months away, this terrible condition will last for all those months. The days before the flight are almost incapacitating. The fear HURTS. So what I am wondering is if there is a program that deals with this kind of fear --- not on the plane fear but the leading up fear. I want to go away so badly, but I can't book the flight because I know it will trigger months of fear."
When a person repeatedly imagines disaster, it becomes memorized. Before it is memorized, when something you imagine comes to mind, you know you put it there. But after you do that repeatedly, it becomes memorized. Then it comes to mind on its own. That leads you to think the fact that it means something. It means nothing. It is not an omen.
You can read about this at www.fearofflying.com/wordpress/?page_id=146
The second part of the problem is giving up control. When a person's orientation to the world is insecure, the only way to feel safe is to be in control. And, if you don't have absolute control, you want escape as a backup. Flying makes this impossible. Without the two things you think your life depends on, control and escape, it looks like suicide to get on a plane.
The third part is this. Freud said the problem with trauma is, the first time we experience trauma, since we never had one before, it comes as if "out of the blue". So what do we do? We always "look to the blue". We believe always expecting something to go wrong keeps things from going wrong.
Our first trauma happened when we were young when our ability to use logic was limited. This faulty belief is based on the best logic available to us at the time. Yet, the belief persists, and continues to dominate us, because we have not examined the logic upon which that belief was founded. Until we do, we will continue to feel greater anxiety when starting to feel confident about flying. Whenever we notice we are NOT having anticipatory anxiety, THAT can worry us. So we keep it going.
The fourth one is fear of having a panic attack on the plane. We can prevent that with the SOAR Program.
There is nothing you can do other than recognize these four things that cause anticipatory anxiety. You keep thinking "what if". That is pure conjecture. But it is difficult for you to recognize it is just that. What you think and what you fear means nothing whatsoever about what is going to happen. And you can't control what happens. So there you go.
To some degree this problem is about growing up and recognizing you can't control everything your life depends upon and you can't escape taking minor risks without giving up the quality of your life by staying home.
The SOAR Program trains your mind to not react to the flight in a negative way while flying. Once you discover the flight, itself, is OK, that helps reduce anticipatory anxiety. You realize you aren't going to panic when flying.
We can tell you to use the 5-4-3-2-1 when you start getting upset about the future. But you can't control it, the future, that is. And if you stay home, you don't make yourself any safer. Why? When you drive 5.4 miles (urban, or 10.8 miles interstate) that is equal to taking a flight in terms of risk. If you stay home, you will probably drive more than that.
It all comes down to this. You don't have the control you need to prevent anxiety. You never will. You can give up and get your life back, or you can resist and keep trying to get control, and try to get an illusion that you are safe, and suffer anxiety.
The SOAR Program can help, but no one but you can come to grips with these realities of life. It reminds me of a story about the early days of stock car racing (now called NASCAR). It started in North Wilksboro, North Carolina. Some men who delivered "moonshine" (illegal, not tax paid liquor) in hopped up cars that could out run the police cars decided to race each other on a track. The organizer required each driver to pay an entry fee, and then whoever won got prize money. After it got going, some of the drivers had complaints about how things were being run. They complained that the track was not as safe as it ought to be. The organizer replied, "You pays your money and you takes your chances."
In life, you don't have to pay an entry fee. But you do have to take your chances. In stock car racing, you could be safer staying home and not taking chances on the track. But in life, you are safer on a modern jetliner than staying on the ground and doing your daily routine driving.
When a person repeatedly imagines disaster, it becomes memorized. Before it is memorized, when something you imagine comes to mind, you know you put it there. But after you do that repeatedly, it becomes memorized. Then it comes to mind on its own. That leads you to think the fact that it means something. It means nothing. It is not an omen.
You can read about this at www.fearofflying.com/wordpress/?page_id=146
The second part of the problem is giving up control. When a person's orientation to the world is insecure, the only way to feel safe is to be in control. And, if you don't have absolute control, you want escape as a backup. Flying makes this impossible. Without the two things you think your life depends on, control and escape, it looks like suicide to get on a plane.
The third part is this. Freud said the problem with trauma is, the first time we experience trauma, since we never had one before, it comes as if "out of the blue". So what do we do? We always "look to the blue". We believe always expecting something to go wrong keeps things from going wrong.
Our first trauma happened when we were young when our ability to use logic was limited. This faulty belief is based on the best logic available to us at the time. Yet, the belief persists, and continues to dominate us, because we have not examined the logic upon which that belief was founded. Until we do, we will continue to feel greater anxiety when starting to feel confident about flying. Whenever we notice we are NOT having anticipatory anxiety, THAT can worry us. So we keep it going.
The fourth one is fear of having a panic attack on the plane. We can prevent that with the SOAR Program.
There is nothing you can do other than recognize these four things that cause anticipatory anxiety. You keep thinking "what if". That is pure conjecture. But it is difficult for you to recognize it is just that. What you think and what you fear means nothing whatsoever about what is going to happen. And you can't control what happens. So there you go.
To some degree this problem is about growing up and recognizing you can't control everything your life depends upon and you can't escape taking minor risks without giving up the quality of your life by staying home.
The SOAR Program trains your mind to not react to the flight in a negative way while flying. Once you discover the flight, itself, is OK, that helps reduce anticipatory anxiety. You realize you aren't going to panic when flying.
We can tell you to use the 5-4-3-2-1 when you start getting upset about the future. But you can't control it, the future, that is. And if you stay home, you don't make yourself any safer. Why? When you drive 5.4 miles (urban, or 10.8 miles interstate) that is equal to taking a flight in terms of risk. If you stay home, you will probably drive more than that.
It all comes down to this. You don't have the control you need to prevent anxiety. You never will. You can give up and get your life back, or you can resist and keep trying to get control, and try to get an illusion that you are safe, and suffer anxiety.
The SOAR Program can help, but no one but you can come to grips with these realities of life. It reminds me of a story about the early days of stock car racing (now called NASCAR). It started in North Wilksboro, North Carolina. Some men who delivered "moonshine" (illegal, not tax paid liquor) in hopped up cars that could out run the police cars decided to race each other on a track. The organizer required each driver to pay an entry fee, and then whoever won got prize money. After it got going, some of the drivers had complaints about how things were being run. They complained that the track was not as safe as it ought to be. The organizer replied, "You pays your money and you takes your chances."
In life, you don't have to pay an entry fee. But you do have to take your chances. In stock car racing, you could be safer staying home and not taking chances on the track. But in life, you are safer on a modern jetliner than staying on the ground and doing your daily routine driving.
==========
Three Myths About Flying
There is a good article at this link by Ben Sherwood on three myths about flying. Sherwood is founder and CEO of http://www.thesurvivorsclub.org/
First, many people believe that when there is an airline accident, everyone dies. The truth about most airplane accidents is that people do survive. In fact, according to the US government, 95.7 percent of the passengers involved in aviation accidents make it out alive.
Second, many people believe that everyone panics and freaks out in a crash. That almost never happens. And people help each other to exit the plane.
Third, in a crash, many people believe there's nothing you can do to save yourself. The writer offers four tips:
First, sit within five rows of any exit.
Second, count the number of rows to your nearest exit and your backup.
Third, Be ready to take action.
Fourth, relax. Your chances of dying on your next flight are one in 60 million. That means you could fly every day for the next 160,000 years without a problem.
Second, count the number of rows to your nearest exit and your backup.
Third, Be ready to take action.
Fourth, relax. Your chances of dying on your next flight are one in 60 million. That means you could fly every day for the next 160,000 years without a problem.
==========
Dear Captain Tom,
I know my story must be redundant, but upon reading your recent post in this email concerning the individual who was terrified to fly... it tugged at my heart.
I still remember when I was that frightened to fly, and convinced myself that I would die a certain death, because my flight would be the one that went down. And there was nothing that anyone could tell me different until SOAR.
I know you have heard it many times so I will say it simply "Thanks".
I know my story must be redundant, but upon reading your recent post in this email concerning the individual who was terrified to fly... it tugged at my heart.
I still remember when I was that frightened to fly, and convinced myself that I would die a certain death, because my flight would be the one that went down. And there was nothing that anyone could tell me different until SOAR.
I know you have heard it many times so I will say it simply "Thanks".
==========
Dear Captain Tom:
In what has become one of my favorite annual traditions, I would once again like to thank you and your SOAR course for opening up the world for me. I am a year 2000 "graduate" of the SOAR course who was goaded to address his fear of flying issue by the snide observation of one of my children advising me as to a great new invention for travel called the "airplane". Since the year 2000 I have been able to fly "fear-free" and have been able to enjoy my number one pleasure in life - travel. I have made numerous trips to distant locales all around the world and I have you to thank for making it possible.
Every year that goes by the lessons learned have become so ingrained that I find that I no longer need to review any of the SOAR course materials or even do any of the exercises. I do have the SOAR course loaded on my iPod just in case! I will confess that one or two days before my first flight I become a little anxious, but once I get on the first plane everything works out fine. Subsequent flights become very matter of fact. This year we traveled to Chile and flew on 8 different flights (including a round-trip to Easter Island - can't get much more remote than there!!) with no difficulties or problems whatsoever.
One sad thing that I have unfortunately observed is the different level of service provided by foreign carriers over their U.S. counterparts. I was shocked at the efficiency and timeliness of LAN Chile over domestic carriers I have flown. Invariably with a domestic carrier one of our pieces of luggage shows up at our house a few days after our return. With foreign carriers our luggage is already spinning on the carousel by the time we get there!
One little tip to share - over the years I have used noise reducing headphones which have not only made for a more peaceful flight, but have also allowed me to stop fixating on every sound and change of engine level noise.
I am a firm believer in the lessons you have taught and even found them useful during a recent gall bladder surgery (truly I would rather have been flying!!). I have a stack of SOAR business cards in my desk drawer and have handed them out to any clients who confesses to a fear of flying (yes I am as annoying with that as an ex-smoker castigating someone with a cigarette).
So, once again....my sincere gratitude. Until my next trip (and of course follow up e-mail!!).
In what has become one of my favorite annual traditions, I would once again like to thank you and your SOAR course for opening up the world for me. I am a year 2000 "graduate" of the SOAR course who was goaded to address his fear of flying issue by the snide observation of one of my children advising me as to a great new invention for travel called the "airplane". Since the year 2000 I have been able to fly "fear-free" and have been able to enjoy my number one pleasure in life - travel. I have made numerous trips to distant locales all around the world and I have you to thank for making it possible.
Every year that goes by the lessons learned have become so ingrained that I find that I no longer need to review any of the SOAR course materials or even do any of the exercises. I do have the SOAR course loaded on my iPod just in case! I will confess that one or two days before my first flight I become a little anxious, but once I get on the first plane everything works out fine. Subsequent flights become very matter of fact. This year we traveled to Chile and flew on 8 different flights (including a round-trip to Easter Island - can't get much more remote than there!!) with no difficulties or problems whatsoever.
One sad thing that I have unfortunately observed is the different level of service provided by foreign carriers over their U.S. counterparts. I was shocked at the efficiency and timeliness of LAN Chile over domestic carriers I have flown. Invariably with a domestic carrier one of our pieces of luggage shows up at our house a few days after our return. With foreign carriers our luggage is already spinning on the carousel by the time we get there!
One little tip to share - over the years I have used noise reducing headphones which have not only made for a more peaceful flight, but have also allowed me to stop fixating on every sound and change of engine level noise.
I am a firm believer in the lessons you have taught and even found them useful during a recent gall bladder surgery (truly I would rather have been flying!!). I have a stack of SOAR business cards in my desk drawer and have handed them out to any clients who confesses to a fear of flying (yes I am as annoying with that as an ex-smoker castigating someone with a cigarette).
So, once again....my sincere gratitude. Until my next trip (and of course follow up e-mail!!).
==========
SOAR Will Work For You Too
SOAR was established in 1982 because no programs existed that could
help people with moderate to severe difficulties. Even today, no other
program offers help that is effective except for mild difficulties. No
matter how difficult flying is for you, we can help.
- Call me at 877 332-7359 between 10 AM and 6 PM Eastern time or
- Set up a time online at http://soar.genbook.com
- No Charge. No Obligation. Just get the information you want.
Or Enroll Right Now And Get This Over With
You will feel better as soon as you make the decision.
You will feel better as soon as you make the decision.
Accelerated Courses
Flying tomorrow or the day after? Be ready to fly in 90 minutes with Rapid Relief.
Flying in three to ten days? Get comprehensive help with SOAR Complete Relief.
- Accelerated courses give you the most help possible in the time you have available.
- A twenty-minute private session and unlimited group counseling sessions are included.
- What you pay is 100% transferable to the SOAR Video Course 11 DVDs.
Start viewing on your computer screen in two minutes.
- Get a compact version of the SOAR Course.
- Load it on your laptop, iPod or other media player. More info.
==========
Unsure Which To Choose
If
you are unsure which is best for you, please call me at 877 332-7359 so
we can talk it over. You will feel better as soon as you decide to act.
We are always here to help. As you go through the program, call or email whenever you have a question or a concern.
==========
Patrick's Comments
Patrick emailed me, "I'll remind you, as I have in the past, that flying aboard regional carriers is by no means unsafe. The fact that accidents remain so few and far between is a testament to the thousands of highly skilled and well-trained regional pilots out there performing admirably in tough conditions. But the regional sector is beset with problems that, if left unchecked, increase the likelihood of accidents.
He listed the following articles he has written on the subject:
This is your captain sleeping... the menace of pilot fatigue
http://www.salon.com/tech/col/smith/2009/04/17/askthepilot317/
Salaries and Safety. Do poorly paid pilots make the skies unsafe?
http://www.salon.com/tech/col/smith/2009/03/06/askthepilot312/
The Buffalo crash? Plus, the weird hell of regional airlines
http://www.salon.com/tech/col/smith/2009/04/03/askthepilot315/
Colgan follow-up. Regional airline woes.
http://www.salon.com/tech/col/smith/2009/05/15/askthepilot320/
http://www.salon.com/tech/col/smith/2009/04/17/askthepilot317/
Salaries and Safety. Do poorly paid pilots make the skies unsafe?
http://www.salon.com/tech/col/smith/2009/03/06/askthepilot312/
The Buffalo crash? Plus, the weird hell of regional airlines
http://www.salon.com/tech/col/smith/2009/04/03/askthepilot315/
Colgan follow-up. Regional airline woes.
http://www.salon.com/tech/col/smith/2009/05/15/askthepilot320/
==========
Discuss Or Schedule An Individual Session -- Call 877 332-7359
Call between 11 AM and 6 PM Eastern Time (same time zone as New York)
You'll reach me easily. The toll-free number rings my cell phone.
Call between 11 AM and 6 PM Eastern Time (same time zone as New York)
You'll reach me easily. The toll-free number rings my cell phone.
- find out how I can help you with flying
- discuss the possibility of a counseling session
- set up a time that fits your schedule
Outside the U.S. and Canada call 203 258-4803
- a twenty-minute session is $60.00 if not enrolled in a course.
- one twenty-minute session is free if enrolled in any course.
- additional twenty-minute sessions are $60.00.
- two one-hour sessions are included in the SOAR Guaranteed Program
Schedule An Individual Session Online
Note: Times Listed Are Eastern Time (same as New York)
