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Free
Group Phone Counseling With Capt Tom Wednesday 10 PM - 11 PM Eastern
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Group Phone Counseling With Capt Tom Wednesday 10 PM - 11 PM Eastern
Time
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==========
I Don't Want To Pass It On To My Kids
Many
clients are concerned that if they show fear on a plane it will cause
their children to develop fear of flying. It doesn't work that way.
Fear of flying comes from an inability to regulate emotion. When there
is an inability to regulate emotional naturally, emotion is regulated
by control, avoidance, escape, or dissociation.
clients are concerned that if they show fear on a plane it will cause
their children to develop fear of flying. It doesn't work that way.
Fear of flying comes from an inability to regulate emotion. When there
is an inability to regulate emotional naturally, emotion is regulated
by control, avoidance, escape, or dissociation.
Then
what causes good emotional regulation? Executive function. Neurologists
now are in agreement, according to Adele Diamond, Ph.D. that executive
function has three core functions:
what causes good emotional regulation? Executive function. Neurologists
now are in agreement, according to Adele Diamond, Ph.D. that executive
function has three core functions:
- inhibitory control (self-control)
- working memory, and
- cognitive flexibility
Inhibitory Control
Inhibitory
control makes it possible to not act on your first impulse, but to
think first, and then do what is most appropriate. Part of
the brain can accept a task and carry it out on autopilot. We need that
part, for example, to be able to drive without thinking about how to
steer the car. That frees the executive part of the brain to look for
the unexpected, and react to the unexpected and react in a non-routine
way. When the executive function sees something unusual, it uses
inhibitory control to stop the autopilot from working and thus to give
you time to decide what to do.
control makes it possible to not act on your first impulse, but to
think first, and then do what is most appropriate. Part of
the brain can accept a task and carry it out on autopilot. We need that
part, for example, to be able to drive without thinking about how to
steer the car. That frees the executive part of the brain to look for
the unexpected, and react to the unexpected and react in a non-routine
way. When the executive function sees something unusual, it uses
inhibitory control to stop the autopilot from working and thus to give
you time to decide what to do.
Another
word for inhibitory control is discipline. Dr. Diamond points to
research that shows executive function is twice as important as IQ in
academic success.
word for inhibitory control is discipline. Dr. Diamond points to
research that shows executive function is twice as important as IQ in
academic success.
Working Memory
Working
memory is needed because, in order to think, you need to be able to
hold various elements you are thinking about actively in
mind.
memory is needed because, in order to think, you need to be able to
hold various elements you are thinking about actively in
mind.
Cognitive Flexibility
Cognitive
flexibility comes up with non-routine ways to deal with the task at
hand. A person who doesn't have good executive function simply can't
come up with any way to do something other than the old way. People
with good executive function have no trouble thinking out of the
box.
flexibility comes up with non-routine ways to deal with the task at
hand. A person who doesn't have good executive function simply can't
come up with any way to do something other than the old way. People
with good executive function have no trouble thinking out of the
box.
Executive Function And Fear Of Flying
Why
is executive function so important in fear of flying? Part of executive
function is reflective function, the ability to look at ones own
thinking and critique it. What goes wrong for the fearful flier is,
because of fear, executive function shuts down. Though a little bit of
stress can (at least with males) improve executive function, as stress
increases, executive function wanes, until finally, with enough stress,
it shuts down completely.
is executive function so important in fear of flying? Part of executive
function is reflective function, the ability to look at ones own
thinking and critique it. What goes wrong for the fearful flier is,
because of fear, executive function shuts down. Though a little bit of
stress can (at least with males) improve executive function, as stress
increases, executive function wanes, until finally, with enough stress,
it shuts down completely.
When
it does, reflective function disappears. When reflective function
disappears, it becomes impossible to distinguish imagination
from reality. This means it becomes impossible to recognize that what
you fear is going to happen and what is actually happening are not one and the same.
it does, reflective function disappears. When reflective function
disappears, it becomes impossible to distinguish imagination
from reality. This means it becomes impossible to recognize that what
you fear is going to happen and what is actually happening are not one and the same.
When
what you fear cannot be distinguished from what is happening, the
result is terror even when everything on the flight is normal. What the
fearful flier needs to do is to protect reflective function. This is
done by the strengthening exercise. It cannot be done by medication
because medication, also, shuts down reflective function.
what you fear cannot be distinguished from what is happening, the
result is terror even when everything on the flight is normal. What the
fearful flier needs to do is to protect reflective function. This is
done by the strengthening exercise. It cannot be done by medication
because medication, also, shuts down reflective function.
So
how can you keep your children from developing fear of flying? You need
to foster good executive function. How? First, during the first two
years of life, tune in to the child. The child needs to be tuned into
until the child recognizes that there is an enduring established place
in the primary caregiver's mind. The child needs to be able to find a
recognizable replica of his own mind, thoughts, preferences, feelings,
etc., established in the primary caregivers mind.
how can you keep your children from developing fear of flying? You need
to foster good executive function. How? First, during the first two
years of life, tune in to the child. The child needs to be tuned into
until the child recognizes that there is an enduring established place
in the primary caregiver's mind. The child needs to be able to find a
recognizable replica of his own mind, thoughts, preferences, feelings,
etc., established in the primary caregivers mind.
It
needs to be established. Otherwise, the child thinks, "out of sign, out
of mind," and remains too insecure to develop good emotional
control.
needs to be established. Otherwise, the child thinks, "out of sign, out
of mind," and remains too insecure to develop good emotional
control.
If you children are older, what can you do? I'll list several things:
- Tools For
The Mind. - Video of Adele
Diamond's 6 PM Lecture at this
link. - Allan Schore's
articles such as this
one. - A book by Daniel Siegel
and Mary Hartzell: Parenting
From The Inside Out
==========
"Amazed How Much Easier It Was That I
Anticipated"
Anticipated"
I
just got back from my long weekend trip from Hartford to BWI. I was
amazed how much easier it was than I anticipated it to be! The takeoff
will still take some getting used to for me but once we were in the air
and cruising it was a breeze (no pun intended)!
On
the way to BWI, I looked out the window when we were approaching the
runway, but on the way back to Hartford I got the courage to look out
the window when we were at cruising altitude! It was spectacular days
both days for flying and only minimal turbulence on the way to
Baltimore.
the way to BWI, I looked out the window when we were approaching the
runway, but on the way back to Hartford I got the courage to look out
the window when we were at cruising altitude! It was spectacular days
both days for flying and only minimal turbulence on the way to
Baltimore.
I
did make a point to meet the captain before the flight to BWI and I
would say it definitely helped. He was very friendly and took a great
amount of his time to talk to me and show me the weather report on the
computer and explain the general flight plan/path. We also talked about
some general information about the airplane that I was going to fly on.
I can now
picture myself one day going to Las Vegas or California or Texas, etc.
Thanks again, and please share my story if you wish to!!
==========
"A Transformation Took Place That I Still
Find Hard To Believe"
Find Hard To Believe"
Dear Tom:
Incidentally,
I did make a point of meeting the Air Canada pilots before our flight
from Ottawa. They were just great and happy to talk with me. When we
arrived at Heathrow the flight attendant said they wanted to
see me to find out how things had gone. They confirmed all the positive
things you said about pilots.
planning another visit in 2010!
In
June O7 our son, Matthew, moved to London U.K, to take on a new
exciting job. My wife wanted to celebrate our 35th Anniversary by
visiting him and his wife in London and then visit Ireland.
Because of my fear of flying I was MOST resistant to going.
To say my resistance was massive would not be an exaggeration. It was
the source of great angst in our home.
June O7 our son, Matthew, moved to London U.K, to take on a new
exciting job. My wife wanted to celebrate our 35th Anniversary by
visiting him and his wife in London and then visit Ireland.
Because of my fear of flying I was MOST resistant to going.
To say my resistance was massive would not be an exaggeration. It was
the source of great angst in our home.
I
saw a psychologist (for three sessions) She concluded that
there was NO WAY I was going to go and that I should bow out. As plans
were made and tickets purchased I had to "bite the bullet" and go.
Reluctantly I started to follow your SOAR program and viewed the 4
"Control Of Anxiety" DVD's.
saw a psychologist (for three sessions) She concluded that
there was NO WAY I was going to go and that I should bow out. As plans
were made and tickets purchased I had to "bite the bullet" and go.
Reluctantly I started to follow your SOAR program and viewed the 4
"Control Of Anxiety" DVD's.
A
transformation took place that I still find hard to believe. (I had
flown before on several occasions but always
transformation took place that I still find hard to believe. (I had
flown before on several occasions but always
anxiously
and never out of North America. Also I should add that I never felt
comfortable even BEING in an airport).
and never out of North America. Also I should add that I never felt
comfortable even BEING in an airport).
Interestingly,
while the exercises were helpful - especially those dealing with
'anticipatory anxiety' - it was your wise and direct response to my
concerns that made the difference. Your e-mail of April 8 stayed with
me; you said and I quote " Again, you are looking to get YOUR relief
from anxiety by perfection, which doesn't exist, not only in
flying, but anywhere." That one sentence gave me a whole new
perspective on my "plight'!
while the exercises were helpful - especially those dealing with
'anticipatory anxiety' - it was your wise and direct response to my
concerns that made the difference. Your e-mail of April 8 stayed with
me; you said and I quote " Again, you are looking to get YOUR relief
from anxiety by perfection, which doesn't exist, not only in
flying, but anywhere." That one sentence gave me a whole new
perspective on my "plight'!
Incidentally,
I did make a point of meeting the Air Canada pilots before our flight
from Ottawa. They were just great and happy to talk with me. When we
arrived at Heathrow the flight attendant said they wanted to
see me to find out how things had gone. They confirmed all the positive
things you said about pilots.
We
had a memorable two weeks in London, Dublin and Galway. I can honestly
say that for the first time in my life I feel relaxed about the whole
concept of flying and Tom, I have you to thank. I can't thank you
enough for the remarkable impact of your intervention. It has
been a life changing experience. My wife and I are now
jointly
had a memorable two weeks in London, Dublin and Galway. I can honestly
say that for the first time in my life I feel relaxed about the whole
concept of flying and Tom, I have you to thank. I can't thank you
enough for the remarkable impact of your intervention. It has
been a life changing experience. My wife and I are now
jointly
planning another visit in 2010!
Tom's Note:
There
is so much that is currently being done in psychology to make change
from "the top - down". That is, to use conscious thought to control
unconsciously-caused feelings. For example, to think positively, or to
try to control feelings with words, affirmations, positive statements
etc. The problem is, feelings operate independent of the cognitive
level at which these attempts are made. The intervention is done, as it
were, on a baseball diamond while the game is football in a stadium on
the other side of town. Feelings are triggered before you are even
conscious of what triggered them. How possibly can a conscious thought
keep up with that, much less intervene!
is so much that is currently being done in psychology to make change
from "the top - down". That is, to use conscious thought to control
unconsciously-caused feelings. For example, to think positively, or to
try to control feelings with words, affirmations, positive statements
etc. The problem is, feelings operate independent of the cognitive
level at which these attempts are made. The intervention is done, as it
were, on a baseball diamond while the game is football in a stadium on
the other side of town. Feelings are triggered before you are even
conscious of what triggered them. How possibly can a conscious thought
keep up with that, much less intervene!
So
although clients are amazed at the difference, I've come to expect
amazement as routine. And, to me, it is not at all a surprise anymore
because we are intervening at the unconscious level, and making changes
from "bottom - up".
although clients are amazed at the difference, I've come to expect
amazement as routine. And, to me, it is not at all a surprise anymore
because we are intervening at the unconscious level, and making changes
from "bottom - up".
It works so easily when you intervene at the site of the action.
==========
Here's Another Example
I
have a confession to make. After watching all your DVD's and practicing
the strengthening exercises, I honestly thought that it wouldn't work,
that it was just too simple. I was wrong. I just flew round
trip from Long Beach, CA, to Washington Dulles. I was so relaxed that I
napped both ways, and dared to go to the restroom! I was calm
throughout, despite a fair amount of turbulence on one leg. The
combination of the educational material about planes and flying, and
the strengthening exercises really did make a difference. Thank you so
much.
have a confession to make. After watching all your DVD's and practicing
the strengthening exercises, I honestly thought that it wouldn't work,
that it was just too simple. I was wrong. I just flew round
trip from Long Beach, CA, to Washington Dulles. I was so relaxed that I
napped both ways, and dared to go to the restroom! I was calm
throughout, despite a fair amount of turbulence on one leg. The
combination of the educational material about planes and flying, and
the strengthening exercises really did make a difference. Thank you so
much.
==========
SOAR Will Work For You Too
SOAR was established in 1982 because no programs existed that could
help people with moderate to severe difficulties. Even today, no other
program offers help that is effective except for mild difficulties. No
matter how difficult flying is for you, we can help.
- Call me at 877 332-7359 between 10 AM and 6 PM Eastern time or
- Set
up a time online at http://soar.genbook.com - No Charge. No Obligation. Just get the information you want.
Or
Enroll Right Now And Get This Over With
You will feel better as soon as you make the decision.
Enroll Right Now And Get This Over With
You will feel better as soon as you make the decision.
- Accelerated courses give you the most help possible in the time you have available.
- A twenty-minute private session and unlimited group counseling sessions are included.
- What you pay is 100% transferable to the SOAR Video Course 11 DVDs.
Start viewing on your computer screen in two minutes.
- Get a compact version of the SOAR Course.
- Load
it on your laptop, iPod or other media player. More info.
==========
Unsure Which To Choose
If
you are unsure which is best for you, please call me at 877 332-7359 so
we can talk it over. You will feel better as soon as you decide to act.
We
are always here to help. As you go through the program, call or email
whenever you have a question or a concern.
Sometimes quotes can be just the bite size piece of wisdom we need to
pop us into a mindful state of mind. Here are 10 quotes from leading
people in the filed of mindfulness that might just do that.
1. "Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible." ~ Dalai Lama
2. "If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to
be happy, practice compassion." ~ Dalai Lama
3. "There is no way to happiness, happiness is the way." ~ Thich Nhat Hanh
4. "If it isn't good, let it die. If it doesn't die, make it good." ~ Ajahn Chah
5. "If we learn to open our hearts, anyone, including the people who
drive us crazy, can be our teacher." - Pema Chodron
6. "As soon as we wish to be happier, we are no longer happy." ~ Walter Landor
7. "Hatred never ceases by hatred; it only ceases by love.This is a
timeless truth" ~ Joseph Goldstein
8. "There is no enlightenment outside of daily life." ~ Thich Nhat Hanh
9. "Realize that this very body, with its aches and it pleasures... is
exactly what we need to be fully human, fully awake, fully alive."
~Pema Chodron
10. "When we scratch the
wound and give into our addictions we do not allow the wound to heal."
~ Pema Chodron
are always here to help. As you go through the program, call or email
whenever you have a question or a concern.
==========
Stress Damages The Immune System
More
research supporting this is at this
link. Another good reason to not "tough it out" or put
yourself through stressful flights when you get get SOAR and fly
without stress.
research supporting this is at this
link. Another good reason to not "tough it out" or put
yourself through stressful flights when you get get SOAR and fly
without stress.
==========
Mindful Living - From Elisha Goldstein's Blog
Sometimes quotes can be just the bite size piece of wisdom we need to
pop us into a mindful state of mind. Here are 10 quotes from leading
people in the filed of mindfulness that might just do that.
1. "Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible." ~ Dalai Lama
2. "If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to
be happy, practice compassion." ~ Dalai Lama
3. "There is no way to happiness, happiness is the way." ~ Thich Nhat Hanh
4. "If it isn't good, let it die. If it doesn't die, make it good." ~ Ajahn Chah
5. "If we learn to open our hearts, anyone, including the people who
drive us crazy, can be our teacher." - Pema Chodron
6. "As soon as we wish to be happier, we are no longer happy." ~ Walter Landor
7. "Hatred never ceases by hatred; it only ceases by love.This is a
timeless truth" ~ Joseph Goldstein
8. "There is no enlightenment outside of daily life." ~ Thich Nhat Hanh
9. "Realize that this very body, with its aches and it pleasures... is
exactly what we need to be fully human, fully awake, fully alive."
~Pema Chodron
10. "When we scratch the
wound and give into our addictions we do not allow the wound to heal."
~ Pema Chodron
==========
Discuss
Or Schedule An Individual
Session --
Call 877 332-7359
Call between 11 AM and 6 PM Eastern Time (same time zone as New York)
You'll reach me easily. The toll-free number rings my cell phone.
Or Schedule An Individual
Session --
Call 877 332-7359
Call between 11 AM and 6 PM Eastern Time (same time zone as New York)
You'll reach me easily. The toll-free number rings my cell phone.
- find out how I can help you with flying
- discuss the possibility of a counseling session
- set up a time that fits your schedule
Outside the U.S. and Canada call 203 258-4803
- a twenty-minute session is $60.00 if not enrolled in a course.
- one twenty-minute session is free if enrolled in any course.
- additional twenty-minute sessions are $60.00.
- two one-hour sessions are included in the SOAR Guaranteed Program
Schedule
An Individual Session
Online
Note: Times Listed Are Eastern Time (same as New York)
