Chat Wednesday 9 PM - 11 PM Eastern Time
- Go to www.fearofflying.com/chat.shtml
- See a recent chat transcript (names changed to protect privacy)
Free Group Phone Counseling With Capt Tom Wednesday 10 PM - 11 PM Eastern Time
- dial (712) 432-3900
- when asked to enter the conference ID 9352101 followed by the # sign
Note: if you have trouble getting in, try using a cellphone or a different regular phone.
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New York SOAR-Fest October 4th
Please see details at the end of this email.
==========
Washington SOAR-Fest September 6th
Dinner is $50 per person including tax and tip. To reserve a spot, please send a check to
Roger Mattioli at 410 5th Street, NE, Washington, DC 20002 as soon as
possible, but no later than August 23rd. If you have any questions, send e-mail to roger@rmattioli.com.
==========
World View, Psychological Maturity, And The Need For Certainty
It was interesting to me this past week when Rick Warren asked the two presidential contenders "Does evil exist in the world?" This is a question philosophers have struggled with for centuries. One gave a response that indicated a world-view based on psychological - and philosophical - maturity. One gave a response that showed a highly simplistic world-view. It has long been my belief that an individual's philosophy, and world-view, are based -- not so much on an accurate view of the world -- but on the person's inner psychological makeup. In other words, the world they see "outside" is an expression of the world that exists, psychologically, inside.
From time to time, I've written about the early mental development of the child. Initially for the infant, there are "good" experiences and "bad" experiences. The "good" experiences coalesce around one core, and the "bad" experiences coalesce around another. These cores can, as development continues, become a "self". This means, initially, two "selves" develop, side by side.
The good-self core has memories of good experiences related to a benign mother. The bad-self core has memories of bad experiences connected to a rejecting and punishing mother, who is feared. Only one core is active at any particular time. But at around 18 months, a capacity to reflect on inner experience develops. This awareness -- which some call "thirdness" -- begins to realize that the benign mother and the feared mother are the same person.
This is a crisis. How can the child feel secure when the benign mother becomes feared? There are several possibilities, two of which result in arrested development.
One is, the child merges with the mother. Think of it as if there is a gang in the neighborhood that you are afraid of; maybe it is a good idea to join the gang instead of being the victim of it. This involves giving up certain aspects of your own individuality and taking on the identity of the powerful and dangerous entity in order to gain safety.
Another possibility is the child seeks to promote relatedness with the good and avoid contact with the bad. To avoid contact with the bad mother, associated with the bad self, the child seeks to rid himself of the bad self.
Whatever is "bad" within the child has to be denied or gotten rid of. One pathological way to align with the good and to rid ones self of the bad is to assert the badness of others. In the extreme versions, ones own goodness is established by committing ones life to the destruction of evil.
From the point of view of a psychologist, much of the evil that exists the world is the result of this developmental arrest. In adulthood, a person with this psychological arrest claims to be good, and as a champion of the good, he engages in efforts to destroy evil. Much of the suffering that exists in the world results as champions of the "good" kill those they regard as evil.
Can one kill ones way to goodness? As I see it, evil IS this orientation in which anyone condemns another. Evil exists when anyone is forced, by his or her inner orientation, to see others as evil because of psychological need. As Nietzsche wrote, "Be careful when you fight the monsters, lest you become one."
This very, very simple world-view is one I find in many fear of flying clients. They want to believe things are "black and white and this leads to the idea of "safe" and "unsafe". There is no such thing as absolutely safe. I received some emails today from clients who say the plane crash in Madrid, Spain, has shaken them up.
It is a fact of life that nothing is absolutely safe. Can that fact be
accepted? Are we wise to try to reject reality in order to feel less anxiety? Perhaps without examining our thinking, we slip into the
coziness of belief that all the accidents are behind us, and flying is
now safe.
Try the view that things are NOT so simple as "good" vs. "bad", "right"
vs. "wrong", "safe" vs. "unsafe". Recognition of uncertainty may cause
anxiety. But uncertainty is a fact of life, isn't it? I think it is
"safer" to see things as they are -- even if it means uncertainty and
anxiety -- than to cling to the fragile false security of
over-simplicity. How limited a life is that engages only what is
certain!
If it was understood -- in the first place -- that flying (like everything else) is NOT 100% safe, they would not be "shaken up" and suddenly finding it hard to fly. If emotional security depends upon 100% safety, emotional security is on very fragile grounds.
What we know is this: though there are accidents, they are extremely rare. When an accident happens, it means there was -- not only a breakdown of some sort -- but the strategy for dealing with the breakdown failed.
Even with an engine failure, there is supposed to be a way to deal with it. I don't have any way to know, even though the engine failed, why the plane crashed. It shouldn't have. So, somehow, in this case, in spite of the backups, etc., there was a crash. This crash shows that failures that circumvent our strategies do happen once in a while, but it also shows how rare that is the case.
I think you can use a cartoon character in the Strengthening Exercise who is on a plane and imagines this particular accident. Then, return to your moment of connection to link that.
==========
Tricks To Beat Airport Delays
Here is a link to an article at PC Magazine.
==========
A Doctor Of Psychology -- Who Is A Client -- Writes
Dear Tom:
Please feel free to use this email as a testimonial if you wish. Thank you for taking the time to speak with me tonight. As I told you before, your course is terrific and enabled me to get back to flying after the very first use of the material. That was about two years ago and I have been flying a great deal ever since.
Last week while flying, I actually said to myself "this is really cool, I actually like this." From flying so much I have the "going through security fun" down to a science. I no longer get anxious three weeks in advance, and I no longer get stomach distress.
Last week's flight however, caught me off guard. The flight was fine but we got stuck on the runway at LaGuardia for one hour forty five minutes. I am claustrophobic and really started to flip out.
This is the part that I want your subscribers, or potential subscribers to know. I called you, tonight, two years after buying your course, you took my call and helped through this challenge. I am actually looking forward to my flight on Friday because I know that this tweaking is all I needed. When I asked you what do I owe you, you said nothing. That was very kind of you and shows what a service-oriented business that you run. You are kind and caring and you want your subscribers to succeed and it shows.
If anyone is contemplating buying this course and its support please buy it without hesitation. The material works (if you practice) and the support that Captain Tom gives you is first class all of the way.
==========
Call Now To Understand Why SOAR Will Work For You
SOAR was established in 1982 because no programs existed that could
help people with moderate to severe difficulties. Even today, no other
program offers help that is effective except for mild difficulties. No
matter how difficult flying is for you, we can help.
Patrick's Column
Patrick writes about the Airbus A-380 in this weeks "Ask The Pilot" Column at this link.
==========
World View, Psychological Maturity, And The Need For Certainty
It was interesting to me this past week when Rick Warren asked the two presidential contenders "Does evil exist in the world?" This is a question philosophers have struggled with for centuries. One gave a response that indicated a world-view based on psychological - and philosophical - maturity. One gave a response that showed a highly simplistic world-view. It has long been my belief that an individual's philosophy, and world-view, are based -- not so much on an accurate view of the world -- but on the person's inner psychological makeup. In other words, the world they see "outside" is an expression of the world that exists, psychologically, inside.
From time to time, I've written about the early mental development of the child. Initially for the infant, there are "good" experiences and "bad" experiences. The "good" experiences coalesce around one core, and the "bad" experiences coalesce around another. These cores can, as development continues, become a "self". This means, initially, two "selves" develop, side by side.
The good-self core has memories of good experiences related to a benign mother. The bad-self core has memories of bad experiences connected to a rejecting and punishing mother, who is feared. Only one core is active at any particular time. But at around 18 months, a capacity to reflect on inner experience develops. This awareness -- which some call "thirdness" -- begins to realize that the benign mother and the feared mother are the same person.
This is a crisis. How can the child feel secure when the benign mother becomes feared? There are several possibilities, two of which result in arrested development.
One is, the child merges with the mother. Think of it as if there is a gang in the neighborhood that you are afraid of; maybe it is a good idea to join the gang instead of being the victim of it. This involves giving up certain aspects of your own individuality and taking on the identity of the powerful and dangerous entity in order to gain safety.
Another possibility is the child seeks to promote relatedness with the good and avoid contact with the bad. To avoid contact with the bad mother, associated with the bad self, the child seeks to rid himself of the bad self.
Whatever is "bad" within the child has to be denied or gotten rid of. One pathological way to align with the good and to rid ones self of the bad is to assert the badness of others. In the extreme versions, ones own goodness is established by committing ones life to the destruction of evil.
From the point of view of a psychologist, much of the evil that exists the world is the result of this developmental arrest. In adulthood, a person with this psychological arrest claims to be good, and as a champion of the good, he engages in efforts to destroy evil. Much of the suffering that exists in the world results as champions of the "good" kill those they regard as evil.
Can one kill ones way to goodness? As I see it, evil IS this orientation in which anyone condemns another. Evil exists when anyone is forced, by his or her inner orientation, to see others as evil because of psychological need. As Nietzsche wrote, "Be careful when you fight the monsters, lest you become one."
This very, very simple world-view is one I find in many fear of flying clients. They want to believe things are "black and white and this leads to the idea of "safe" and "unsafe". There is no such thing as absolutely safe. I received some emails today from clients who say the plane crash in Madrid, Spain, has shaken them up.
It is a fact of life that nothing is absolutely safe. Can that fact be
accepted? Are we wise to try to reject reality in order to feel less anxiety? Perhaps without examining our thinking, we slip into the
coziness of belief that all the accidents are behind us, and flying is
now safe.
Try the view that things are NOT so simple as "good" vs. "bad", "right"
vs. "wrong", "safe" vs. "unsafe". Recognition of uncertainty may cause
anxiety. But uncertainty is a fact of life, isn't it? I think it is
"safer" to see things as they are -- even if it means uncertainty and
anxiety -- than to cling to the fragile false security of
over-simplicity. How limited a life is that engages only what is
certain!
If it was understood -- in the first place -- that flying (like everything else) is NOT 100% safe, they would not be "shaken up" and suddenly finding it hard to fly. If emotional security depends upon 100% safety, emotional security is on very fragile grounds.
What we know is this: though there are accidents, they are extremely rare. When an accident happens, it means there was -- not only a breakdown of some sort -- but the strategy for dealing with the breakdown failed.
Even with an engine failure, there is supposed to be a way to deal with it. I don't have any way to know, even though the engine failed, why the plane crashed. It shouldn't have. So, somehow, in this case, in spite of the backups, etc., there was a crash. This crash shows that failures that circumvent our strategies do happen once in a while, but it also shows how rare that is the case.
I think you can use a cartoon character in the Strengthening Exercise who is on a plane and imagines this particular accident. Then, return to your moment of connection to link that.
==========
Tricks To Beat Airport Delays
Here is a link to an article at PC Magazine.
==========
A Doctor Of Psychology -- Who Is A Client -- Writes
Dear Tom:
Please feel free to use this email as a testimonial if you wish. Thank you for taking the time to speak with me tonight. As I told you before, your course is terrific and enabled me to get back to flying after the very first use of the material. That was about two years ago and I have been flying a great deal ever since.
Last week while flying, I actually said to myself "this is really cool, I actually like this." From flying so much I have the "going through security fun" down to a science. I no longer get anxious three weeks in advance, and I no longer get stomach distress.
Last week's flight however, caught me off guard. The flight was fine but we got stuck on the runway at LaGuardia for one hour forty five minutes. I am claustrophobic and really started to flip out.
This is the part that I want your subscribers, or potential subscribers to know. I called you, tonight, two years after buying your course, you took my call and helped through this challenge. I am actually looking forward to my flight on Friday because I know that this tweaking is all I needed. When I asked you what do I owe you, you said nothing. That was very kind of you and shows what a service-oriented business that you run. You are kind and caring and you want your subscribers to succeed and it shows.
If anyone is contemplating buying this course and its support please buy it without hesitation. The material works (if you practice) and the support that Captain Tom gives you is first class all of the way.
==========
Call Now To Understand Why SOAR Will Work For You
SOAR was established in 1982 because no programs existed that could
help people with moderate to severe difficulties. Even today, no other
program offers help that is effective except for mild difficulties. No
matter how difficult flying is for you, we can help.
- Call me at 877 332-7359 between 10 AM and 6 PM Eastern time or
- Set up a time online at http://soar.genbook.com
- No Charge. No Obligation. Just get the information you want.
-
The full length SOAR Video Course on 11 DVDs provides the maximum help possible. - More info.
- Accelerated courses are less expensive.
- They give you the most help possible in the time you have available.
- A twenty-minute private session and unlimited group counseling sessions are included.
- What you pay is 100% transferable to the SOAR Video Course 11 DVDs.
Flying tomorrow or the day after?
Be ready to fly in 90 minutes with Rapid Relief! Start viewing on your computer screen in two minutes.
Flying in three to ten days?
Get comprehensive help with SOAR Complete Relief.
-
Get a compact version of the SOAR Course.
- Load it on your laptop, iPod or other media player. More info.
Which To Choose
If you are unsure which is best for you, please call me at 877 332-7359 so we can talk it over. You will feel better as soon as you decide to act.
We are always here to help. As you go through the program, call or email whenever you have a question or a concern.
==========
"Racer Bill" Stevens Wins Again
Sometimes people who have trouble with flying feel ashamed. It is easy to think of ones self as "chicken". Maybe it will help to know that I have worked with people who routinely do things that involve risk. One person who comes to mind was a New York City undercover cop. Another person is Bill Stevens who just won a drag racing championship for the third time. No one has done that before, and Bill is now the oldest person to have ever won it.
Here is a photo of Bill in action.
==========
Patrick's Column
Patrick writes about the Airbus A-380 in this weeks "Ask The Pilot" Column at this link.
==========
New York SOAR-Fest October 4th
- at La Petite Auberge, 116 Lexington Avenue (at 28th Street), New York NY.
- Dinner is at 7:00 PM. If you like, meet in the bar at or after 5:30 PM.
You don't need to have taken the SOAR Course. This is open to anyone
interested in flying problems. It is an opportunity to meet and share
experiences with people who feel like you do.
The restaurant, which serves classic French cuisine, has received excellent reviews since it opened in 1977.
The Menu
Appetizers
Onion Soup
Avocado Vinaigrette
Melon en Saison
Pate du chef
Leeks Vinaigrette
Entrees
Le Filet do Sole Meuniere
Sole Filet, Butter & Lemon
Le Poulet du Chef
Chicken of the Day
L'Escalope de Veau Chasseur
Veal Scaloppini, White Wine & Mushrooms
Deserts
La Mousse au Chocolat
La Creme Caramel
Les Cremes Clacees
Peche Melba
Cheese Cake
Wine and coffee included
Onion Soup
Avocado Vinaigrette
Melon en Saison
Pate du chef
Leeks Vinaigrette
Entrees
Le Filet do Sole Meuniere
Sole Filet, Butter & Lemon
Le Poulet du Chef
Chicken of the Day
L'Escalope de Veau Chasseur
Veal Scaloppini, White Wine & Mushrooms
Deserts
La Mousse au Chocolat
La Creme Caramel
Les Cremes Clacees
Peche Melba
Cheese Cake
Wine and coffee included
The dinner, including wine, coffee, and service is $65.00. Please click here to make your reservation.
=========
Discuss Or Schedule An Individual Session -- Call 877 332-7359
Call between 11 AM and 6 PM Eastern Time (same time zone as New York)
You'll reach me easily. The toll free number rings my cell phone.
- find out how I can help you with flying
- discuss the possibility of a counseling session
- set up a time that fits your schedule
Outside the U.S. and Canada call 203 258-4803
- a twenty-minute session is $60.00 if not enrolled in a course.
- one twenty-minute session is free if enrolled in any course.
- additional twenty-minute sessions are $60.00.
- two one-hour sessions are included in the SOAR Guaranteed Program
Schedule An Individual Session Online
Note: Times Listed Are Eastern Time (same as New York)
