Flying After Thirty-Eight Years
Dear Capt. Tom,
I just wanted to tell you that I "FINALLY" got on a plane after 38 yrs. of FEAR. I flew out with my daughter and I did exactly what you said. I spoke to the gate agent. He let me go on with the first class passengers. They even changed our seats so we were up front with the wall in front of us, which worked out great because I have a bad right knee and I was able to keep my leg straight against the wall during the flight.
The Capt. was EXTREMELY NICE AND VERY COMPASSIONATE. The flight attendant was very very nice and compassionate, also.
I listened on my iPod during my trip to the airport and also on the plane. I slept most of the time and was not nervous at all. Thanks for all your tips and because of them, I had a great take out and landing both ways after 38 yrs. of FEAR.
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As She Did, You -- Also -- Can "Take Me Along" When You Fly
Know what is happening as it happens. Know everything is routine and normal.
There are eight "Take Me Along" tracks to coach you through your flight. Available for your video iPod, audio iPod, laptop or portable DVD player.
Click here for the MP4 for the video iPod (or other MP4 player). $65.00
Click here for the DVD for your laptop and your television set. $65.00
Click here for the MP3 for the audio only iPod (or other MP3 player). $30.00
Get All Three For $85.00
- Why should you get all three?
- You need the MP4 disk to load the files into your video iPod (or other MP4 player).
- You need the DVD disk to play on your laptop or your television.
- You need the CD to play on your car radio or to load the files into your audio only iPod (or other MP3 player)
For those reasons, you need -- or will need as some point -- all three disks. To make sure you have everything you need, we are offering all three disks at a special package price.
Click here for all three at $85.00.
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Meeting The Captain!
When we are a bit short on calming inside, we naturally turn outside, generally to people who can calm us and to control of the situation.
First, control. Control can be calming when we have it -- or think we have it. We believe we can make things turn out OK.
Second, other people. Other people can be calming if we have an empathic connection with them. But it helps even more if the person who cares about our feelings also controls the situation.
That's why meeting the captain is so helpful. The captain both understands how you feel and is in control of the situation. There is no better combination for calming anxieties. Make the personal connection with the person who is in control. It makes a big difference.
Once the control issue is settled, the Strengthening Exercise kicks in and protects you from anxiety. If you don't know the Strengthening Exercise, learn it by signing up for Fast Track or ordering the Control of Anxiety DVDs. Click here for Fast Track or click here for the Control of Anxiety DVDs.
Here is an email that illustrates how important it is to meet the captain.
Dear Captain Tom:
I want to share a story with you and with the other SOAR students. I know I still have a long way to go before I fully overcome my fear of flying. However, since I purchased your DVD's on "How Flying Works" and "Psychology of Flight Anxiety" my confidence in flying has soared, no pun intended. I used to be the kind of person who, 2 or 3 days prior to a flight, was constantly running thoughts of disasters in my head. For some reason, I was wired this way because of movies and the huge coverage the media gives to the incredible small number of airplane accidents.
I recently took a trip to Spain that involved seven take offs and seven landings. I went from San Juan to Miami, then to Madrid, then, that same day, to Barcelona. After a couple of days in that beautiful city, I flew to Jerez (where they make Sherry) in the southern part of Spain. Then, after two days, back in a plane on my way to Madrid. After 4 days in Spain's capital, I came back to the good old USA. We flew from Madrid to Miami in a plane ride that took almost 9 1/2 hours due to some weather in Miami. Finally, after a long wait at Miami Intl. Airport, we flew back to San Juan.
I have to tell you that your DVDs and your newsletters have helped me a great deal. I look forward to purchasing your new "At The Airport" collection and to join the Wednesday chats. Something I have not yet done. I know that in time I will have the internal mechanism properly in place to regulate emotions and fight flight anxiety at the unconscious level. One last thing, while I was talking to my mom about my fears, as I usually do and have been doing for quite some time now, she told me something very revealing and true. "Son, if flying wasn't secure, with the number of flights that take place everyday, don't you think the ground would be filled with holes and airplane fuselage?"
Finally, let me share with you something funny--and very important to my therapy-- that took place while I was waiting for my Madrid flight at the the Miami Airport. I was hesitant about showing your letter to the American Airlines crew assistant at the gate. I had it with me, as I had in previous, though shorter flights, where I did not have the guts to go up an ask to meet the captain. After some insistence and encouraging from my girlfriend, soon to be wife, I went up to the gate and showed your letter to the crew assistant. After reading the letter, he said in Spanish with his heavy Cuban accent, so what is it that you want? to meet the captain? no problem, I'll introduce you to the captain but let me tell you, if this is your first time flying, you should go to Orlando; Madrid is very far from here son!!. After assuring him that I had flown to Europe before, though with great fear, he introduced me to the captain at the gate--I did not get to go the cockpit. The captain was very nice, he told me we would find some choppy air an hour or so before getting to Madrid but that it wasn't a concern at all. After asking him if he knew the route well and if he had flown it before, he said, "Just about five thousand times." Trust me, that was a relief! So much so, I pictured his confident demeanor throughout the flight to Spain.
Please have the guts and ask to meet the captain!!. Trust me it is THE MOST IMPORTANT PART IN OVERCOMING FLYING PHOBIA, FEAR OR ANXIETY.
Thank you Captain Tom and keep up the good work!
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Join Us For The Chat And Free Group Phone Counseling
Our regular Wednesday chat is at 9 PM Eastern time. Phone counseling starts at 10 PM.
There is an additional chat at 2 PM Eastern time. Additional phone counseling session at 2:30 PM Eastern time. More info at the bottom of this email.
To join in, just go to www.fearofflying.com/chat.shtml.
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GAD
Having GAD -- generalized anxiety disorder -- is like having poison ivy. Though it bothers you, the best thing you can do is not scratch it; if you scratch it, it gets worse. And, like poison ivy, not scratching it is easier said than done.
Here's what happens. You feel distressed. You want to do something about it. You want to GET RID of the distress. That means you need to attack the cause.
And here is where the mistake takes place: you (falsely) identify the cause as something you need to get rid of, or do something about.
I say falsely, because of this: the cause of GAD is something basic. It is caused -- not by things going on in your life -- but by NOT having something you should have gotten in the first year or two of your life.
We have long suspected that the relationship between mother and child can prevent anxiety problems by immunizing the child to anxiety. And, if the mother doesn't know how to automatically calm her own anxieties, she can't teach her child.
That is what we suspected, and now we have brain scan studies which prove that.
The kind of thing that needs to happen in the first two years of life is, when the baby gets upset, the mother has the built-in ability (built-in from HER relationship with HER mother) to tune into the baby's feels. That attunement is picked up by the baby, and it calms the baby.
In other words, it is not what the mother does. It is that the mother's mind can tune to the baby's mind. THAT is what immunizes the baby. That is what lets the baby know it is not alone.
It is the attunement that builds-in immunization from anxiety problems twenty -- and more -- years later.
Now, back to the poison ivy. Without that automatic ability to calm your fears that comes from this early connection being built-in, you have GAD.
Then, because THINGS seem to be the problem (they are because anxiety about them is not automatically dealt with), you try to attack those things that seem to be the problem.
And, no matter how many you attack, you STILL have GAD.
In fact, the more of them you attack, the more of them you build up in your mind as being problems. The more problems, the more stress hormones. The more stress hormones, the more anxiety. The more anxiety, the more you try to attack the problem.
It is a vicious cycle.
Just like poison ivy. The more you scratch it, the worse it gets.
What is the answer?
The real answer is this: "prevention is better than intervention". The answer is producing the automatic built-in soothing that was not available early in life.
That is not just about flying, but in other areas as well. But, when you learn to build-in security for flying, you learn what you need to apply it elsewhere.
Built-in soothing works automatically and unconsciously. Since anxiety is produced by unconscious processes, we can only stop it by changing those unconscious processes.
We do have the means to teach you how to give yourself the ability control these feelings automatically. I'm sure you will be more than pleased because the results are truly amazing!
A good way to start is by signing up for our online video and counseling program, Fast Track. If you want to put an end of this problem, take a look. It is at
www.fearofflying.com/fasttrack.
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Anticipatory Anxiety
The 5-4-3-2-1 gives you complete control over anticipatory anxiety. But, for various reasons, instead of using it to control the anxiety and make it possible to take a trip, I've found many times people don't use it. The main reason seems to be that when there is anticipatory anxiety, it makes the person think the program is not working, and they will get on the plane and be overwhelmed.
They view anticipatory anxiety as a test of what will happen on the plane.
But there is no connection between anticipatory anxiety and flight anxiety.
When you have anticipatory anxiety, you are doing a number on yourself. When you have flight anxiety, the plane is doing a number on you.
The SOAR Program STOPS the plane from doing a number on you. There really isn't much of anything we can do to keep you from doing a number on yourself, and then believing that is what will happen on the plane.
It think it can help everyone deal with anticipatory anxiety to know this:
- a. when people have it, they tend to think it means the program is not working and will fail them on the plane (not true, but that is what they think), or
b. when people don't have it, they tend to think the anxiety is just building up out of sight and it will hit them when they get on the plane (not true, but that is what they think).
In other words, whether you have anticipatory anxiety or not, either way, you can find a way to worry that it means something about how the flight will be.
It doesn't.
SOAR STOPS the plane from doing a number on you. We can only leave it up to you to not do a number on yourself by simply employing the effective tool: the 5-4-3-2-1, and perhaps by reading here or chatting on the Wednesday chat with people who found that anticipatory anxiety did NOT mean flight anxiety, and lack of anticipatory anxiety did NOT mean flight anxiety.
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Prevention Beats Intervention - Start Now To Take Control
Learn how flying works so you don't have to worry about things that can't happen. Know how things that can happen are prevented from happening.
Learn the Strengthening Exercise. It prevents claustrophobia, high anxiety and panic. It stops them before they can get started.
Start now to take control by clicking here.
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See Tina's Photo Travelogue
Hi Tom,
We returned last Sunday morning (2 days later than scheduled due to "maintenance and diagnostics checks" and then thunderstorms) from our latest trip, and I'm in the process of making another travelogue of it on my website. If ever a trip could put me off flying again, this one would have to be a fairly good candidate. But it didn't, and for that, I once again offer you my sincerest thanks.
I've finally finished my "travelogue" from my recent trip. I don't know if you're interested but I included quite a few aerial shots, including some taken from the helicopter at the Grand Canyon and also some great (I think so anyway !) shots of planes flying past our hotel room window in LAX. You've probably seen enough of planes in your lifetime, but just in case, the index page is at www.imagitinations.com/USA2007/USA07Index.html.
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From China To Europe And Back
Dear Capt. Tom,
Well here I am, in Belgium. I am the China-based guy writing to you with questions the last couple of weeks. It is with great pleasure I write you this email. I DID IT WITHOUT HIGH ANXIETY OR PANIC ATTACK! Just as promised by you at the start of the SOAR course. Never thought this would be possible again.
My first flight: Shanghai - Frankfurt in a Boeing 747-400 for 11.5 hours. The connecting flight: Frankfurt - Brussels in a Boeing 737-300. I still cannot believe how I flew without high anxiety. Oh, yes. There are still some items I need to fine-tune. But I know that I can do it now! Even the last 3 days leading up to the flight were surprisingly calm compared to my AA flight three weeks ago and for sure compared to previous flights.
I enjoyed the food and drinks (no more knot in the stomach), joked with the flight crew, watched a movie, enjoyed the scenery below, even slept for a while...
Am enjoying fully seeing my family again and being a proud parent parading our first born son around.
Again. My deepest appreciation for you, Lisa and your SOAR program. Don't believe me, ask my wife!
Your SOAR program is such a small price to pay for what one gets in return.
You made my day (or more correctly: you made my life)!
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New York SOAR-FEST
The New York SOAR-FEST will again be at le Zie, a Venetian Trattoria located in the heart of the Chelsea district of Manhattan.
You don't have to be in the SOAR program. It is an opportunity for anyone interested in flight anxiety problems and solutions to get together for dinner.
Meet other people who feel the same as you do about flying, and to find what great, imaginative, and intelligent people they are (just like you, right?).
Dinner is at 7:00 PM. If you can, meet us at the bar at any time between 5:30 PM and 7:00 PM.
At le Zie, we will have a really private dining room upstairs, separate from the main part of the restaurant.
The price: $62.50 total per person (includes service and taxes), a bit more than last year so as to include wine.
The room accommodates 24 people comfortably at one large table. If this is important to you, please reserve now to avoid missing out, as the space is limited.
The Menu
- Appetizer:
- Mesclun Salad with Lemon and Extra Virgin Olive Oil or
- Tricolor Salad with Sauteed Shitake and Apple Wood Smoked Bacon, White Wine Vinegar Dressing and Shaved Ricotta.
- Homemade Tortelli filled with Ricotta and Spinach with Asparagus, Butter and Sage
- Linguini with Clams, Garlic and Olive Oil
- Baked Salmon with Horseradish Crust with Sauteed Spinach
- Chicken Porchetta roasted with Rosemary, Oregano, and Fennel Seeds, served with Mashed Potatoes
- Tiramisu or
- Panna Cotta with Fresh Strawberry
- choice of:
Entree:
- choice of:
Desert
- choice of:
Coffee or Selection of Teas
Red or White Wine
Cancellation: if you need to cancel, please call me (877) 332-7359 at least by Tuesday October 2nd. Cancellations after Tuesday can not be refunded unless we are able to find someone to take your place.
There are several parking garages in the area. Free parking on the side streets is usually available after 6:00 PM. Please read the parking signs carefully.
How To Sign Up For The New York SOAR-FEST
Just go to: click here.
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Where To Stay In New York
If you don't find a hotel you like at a reasonable price, try a "bed and breakfast". For a link to a bed and breakfast referral service Click here,
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If You Would Like Flying To No Longer Be An Issue For You
Start With SOAR Fast Track
- The SOAR Fast Track program can be on your computer's screen in two minutes.
- Fast Track is inexpensive.
- Fast Track gives you the most help possible in the shortest time.
Get relief now. You will feel better as soon as you get started by clicking here.
All it takes is some preparation.
As you go through the program, whenever you have a question or a concern, please call me so we can talk it over.
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Wednesday Night Conference Call On Flight Anxiety
- 9:00 PM until 10:00 PM Eastern time
Join our regular 'chat' (where we type what we want to say).
10:00 PM until 11:00 PM Eastern time
Join in by phone on a conference call dealing with flight anxiety.
Instead of typing, we can just talk.
- Listen in to the discussion.
- Take part in the discussion.
- It's your choice.
Want to know more about:
- How flying works
- Turbulence, and why it is not a threat
- Controlling anxiety, panic and claustrophobia
We'll talk about this and more every Wednesday night
- Eastern Time: 10 PM until 11 PM
- Central Time: 9 PM until 10 PM
- Mountain Time: 8 PM until 9 PM
- Pacific Time: 7 PM until 8 PM
As simple as 1, 2, 3.
- 1. Dial 1-641-594-7500
- 2. You will hear, 'Thank you for calling the Conference Center.'
- 3. When asked, enter this pin code: 681956 followed by #
For Your Convenience The Following Info Is Also Displayed Where You Enter The Chat At:
http://www.fearofflying.com/chat.shtml
The Additional Chat Is At 2 PM New York Time
- Which Is:
- 7 PM in Dublin, Lisbon, London,
- 8 PM in Cairo, Cape Town, Paris, Prague,
- 9 PM in Athens, Beirut, Jerusalem, Nairobi
- 10:30 in Kabul
- 11:30 in New Delhi
- 1 PM in Chicago
- 12 Noon in Denver
- 11 AM in Los Angeles
Chat will be for thirty minutes
The Additional Group Counseling Conference Call Is At 2:30 PM New York time
- Which Is:
- 7:30 PM in Dublin, Lisbon, London,
- 8:30 PM in Cairo, Cape Town, Paris, Prague,
- 9:30 PM in Athens, Beirut, Jerusalem, Nairobi
- 11:00 in Kabul
- 12:00 midnight in New Delhi
- 1:30 PM in Chicago
- 12:30 PM in Denver
- 11:30 AM in Los Angeles
To join the Group Call:
1. dial the country code for the U.S. which is: 00-1
2. followed by the area code and number in the US which is: 641-594-7500
3. when asked, enter 'pin code': 681956 followed by the # sign
Depending upon participation, we will decide whether to continue on following Wednesdays, or not.