The Egocentrically Arrogant Mind
Remember Copernicus? He was the first to assert that Earth is not the center of the universe. His assertion was an insult to the narcissistic pride of being the center of everything. We don't like the idea that it is not all about us, nor the idea that we are not in control.
The same issue arises in psychology. In early childhood, we need to develop an ability to regulate emotion naturally and to feel secure with other people. But when parents are unable to model or to teach natural regulation of feelings, children don't learn to regulate feelings appropriately; parents become angry. Feelings become a problem. Fear of feelings develops. To compensate, a developing child may seek to distance stoically from the emotional mind, and develop a rigid identification with the rational mind. Sense of self becomes tied to the rational mind. Autonomy, pride, and security become dependend upon being in control.
The "rational" person may appear to be strong. But there is a hidden vulnerability. Married to the rational self and stranged from the emotional self, there is a fear of all emotion and a terror of coming apart if overwhelmed by emotions. This can mean fear of high anxiety, fear of panic, and fear of "losing ones mind". But it can also mean fear of intimacy, and fear of commitment. Fear of the door being closed doesn't have to be just on the airplane.
One of the leading figures in the delusion that the rational mind is in control, passed away last week. Albert Ellis, Ph.D. was disturbed by Freudian views on the powerful influence -- perhaps dominance -- of emotions and of the role of unconscious processes.
Truth be known, Freud wasn't so happy with the influence of unconscious processes, and taught that the way to a healthier life was to make more of the unconscious processes available to conscious examination. His most famous dictum was, "Where 'It" is, there 'I" shall be." "It" refers to unconscious motivations. "I" refers to conscious awareness and thought.
Top-Down Or Bottom-Up
When we have sufficient ability to regulate emotions, we feel secure in our relationships and in the world. Ellis was described as painfully shy and socially inept as a young man. When one is socially insecure, security may appear possible through greater power and greater control. Ellis became a key figure in a psychological movement to assert that will and rationality can dominate feelings and behavior.
When the New York Times did its first feature on the SOAR Program, I received a letter from Ellis claiming that he had cured his own fear of flying. He included a copy of his book on how he did it, titled: "How To Master Your Fear Of Flying". The book was a "top-down" assertion that will power can control emotion. Ellis said I should provide his book to my fear of flying clients so they could cure their own fear of flying.
Research shows that the mind operates "bottom up", and does so whether we want to agree with that or not. Though some success is possible by imposing ones will on ones emotional self, that strategy has its limits. When we bump up against the limits of what can be achieved by dominating the emotional self with the rational mind, we may finally be forced to accept the role "bottom-up" operations play, and that its operation cannot be controlled by reason or cognition.
When it comes to fear of flying, and the control of high anxiety and panic, "top down" strategy simply falls apart. Literally hundreds of times, new clients have said, "I'm a very rational person. I'm in control of everything in my life. I can't understand why I can't control this. I feel like a total failure."
Consider a statement in an article today in the New York Times: "Scientists have spend years trying to pinpoint the exact neural regions that support conscious awareness, so far in vain. But there's little doubt it involves the prefrontal cortex . . . and experiments . . . show that it can be one of the last neural areas to know when a decision is made. This bottom-up order makes sense from an evolutionary perspective. The subcortical areas of the brain evolved first and would have had to help individuals fight, flee and scavenge well before conscious, distinctly human layers were added later in evolutionary history. . . . unconscious goals can be seen as . . . genetically encoded aims -- automatic survival systems."
Though we know that flying is far safer than driving, the emotions -- controlled by "genetically encoded . . . automatic survival systems" get in the way. Emotions tell us not to give up control. Emotions tell us not to leave the ground. Emotions tell us not to part from the people who help us feel safe.
In order to fly without stress produced by automatic survival systems, we have to reprogram the software that runs out of view of the conscious mind and out of the reach of will power. We have to reprogram the software so that the safer option -- flying -- feels safer. To accomplish that, we imbed the calm -- produced by recalling a profound human-to-human moment -- into the software sequence.
Since the feelings that make it difficult to fly come from bottom-up, the solution is bottom-up. When the "software" changes in unconscious procedural memory are established, it is not surprising that clients say they are amazed to feel calm on the plane, and have no -- conscious -- idea why.
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Want To Fly Without The Awful Feelings?
Update your "genetically encoded" software. After all, when this software was developed centuries ago, there were no airplanes. The video that makes these changes is immediately available via the internet. Start now by clicking here.
Or, if you would like to own the entire SOAR Program on DVD click here.
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Deep Vein Thrombosis
Recently the World Health Organization warned that four hours of immobility when flying doubles the risk of DVT, deep vein thrombosis. The chance of developing it is small, about one in six-thousand, but the fact that immobility can double it makes it wise to avoid sedation when flying.
A writer doing a story on this would like to know if any newsletter readers have encountered DVT. If so, please let me know at tom@fearofflying.com
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One Setback To Corporate Greed
Trucks kill 5,000 people a year in the U.S. Efforts by the Bush administration and the trucking industry to allow eleven hours of driving a day (day-after-day) have been overruled by the United States Court of Appeals for the District of Columbia Circuit in the interest of public safety.
The Court said the government ignored the findings of its own study which showed an increased accident rate when the additional hour was allowed.
I'm citing this because of the need for a major decrease in the number of hours pilots are allowed to fly. When pilot error occurs, it is frequently the result of fatigue due to attempts to extract every last ounce of work that can be extracted from pilots.
To view the article click here.
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A Vote For "Take Me Along"
Hi Tom, Well I made it to Dallas and back. I met the Capt. both ways, and the 1st officer was the same guy both ways! He was actually quite funny, so that lightened my mood.
Before we left Boston, I really went into a bad place at the airport, couldn't talk to anyone, and really wanted to turn around and run home. My sister insisted that I meet the captain, which at that point I didn't care about either. That really brought me out of the state I was in.
I listened to "Take Me Along" when turbulence was coming and at landing. Take Me Along was extremely helpful, and I think part of that was because of your voice. I was so accustomed to hearing your voice that I would calm down from that too.
So since I've been home I've been hoping to get back on a plane asap. I don't know what's come over me, but I'm anxious to keep going with this. I guess what's come over me is SOAR!!!!
After my flights in 2002, I was probably never going to fly again, and this time I'm anxious to try it again, but I definitely put a lot of time and effort in the SOAR program. I probably won't ever LOVE flying, but I'm very happy with being comfortable enough to use this form of travel.
Thanks so much!!
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SOAR In 1996 Versus The New SOAR Course And "Take Me Along"
Dear Tom:
Thank you, thank you, thank you! I have just returned from a cross country trip involving six flights, two on the smallest planes I've been on yet. I experienced very little anxiety and listened to the "Take Me Along" and other SOAR CD's on the flights. I am particularly thrilled that -- due to the information you provide on the CD's -- I am absolutely no longer bothered by turbulence. There is so much freedom in this for me -- I can't thank you enough.
I did your program in 1996 and met you at LAX where we went on a plane at the gate. You did some visualizing exercises with me. After I completed the SOAR course in 1996, I flew several times, including to Paris, but with much anxiety and stress. I had started avoiding flying again because I didn't want to put myself through the stress.
Then, because I read your wonderful weekly emails, I saw the mention of the "Take Me Along" CD. After I listened to it (very helpful), you had a sale on the complete CD course. I bought that too, and I'm glad. My intention was to go on vacation and laugh at all the stuff I used to be scared of about flying. And, that pretty much happened.
I am so grateful that you have continued to update and upgrade your program, and that I have taken full advantage of it! I truly appreciate all the work you have done and what you continue to do through your weekly newsletter. Thanks again with all my heart.
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If You Want "Take Me Along" For Your Flight . . .
Click here for the MP4 for the video iPod (or other MP4 player). $65.00
Click here for the DVD for your laptop and your television set. $65.00
Click here for the MP3 for the audio only iPod (or other MP3 player). $30.00
Get All Three For $85.00
- Why should you get all three?
- You need the MP4 disk to load the files into your video iPod (or other MP4 player).
- You need the DVD disk to play on your laptop or your television.
- You need the CD to play on your car radio or to load the files into your audio only iPod (or other MP3 player)
For those reasons, you need -- or will need as some point -- all three disks. To make sure you have everything you need, we are offering all three disks at a special package price.
Click here for all three at $85.00.
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Everything Worked Again!
Hi Capt. Tom,
Well, I came home today, and guess what? Everything worked again! In spite of the fact that I had been too busy to practice the exercises during my trip.
I wasn't remotely nervous, until I was on line just before boarding, and even then it was just a little bit. So I did the strengthening exercise a couple of times and felt mostly OK again.
Then I boarded the plane and immediately asked to see the captain, just like a charm, I felt 100% fine the moment I met him. He was so friendly and calm and professional and invited me into the cockpit ( my first time for that, the other pilot in New York I met in the boarding lounge) he introduced me to the copilot and we chatted for a while. I showed them your letter and they had heard of you. He gave me a little talk about the plane and concluded with " there's just really so little that could go wrong with these planes". And he told me to say hi again when we landed which I did.
Had another smooth flight, when there was minor turbulence I would just think of the jello thing, and I never really got remotely upset. In fact, I did something I hadn't done on a plane in years, I slept!
The only time I got a little anxious for a while, was when we were close to New York, we got put into a holding pattern because there have been thunderstorms here all day, and they were waiting for them to clear out for us to land. Of course , since I was in a 767 we were way above the storms, but I did have to think about it, and it took us an extra hour. However I just kept visualizing the captain and copilot since I met, them, and so when they made announcements about the delays, I felt fine about things.
Anyway, thanks again. I will continue to review the lessons, to really fine tune this for my next flight, whenever that might be. I will also come to the chat on Wednesday and tell everyone about my great experience with the course.
Take care!
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New York SOAR-FEST
The New York SOAR-FEST will again be at le Zie, a Venetian Trattoria located in the heart of the Chelsea district of Manhattan.
You don't have to be in the SOAR program. It is an opportunity for anyone interested in flight anxiety problems and solutions to get together for dinner.
Meet other people who feel the same as you do about flying, and to find what great, imaginative, and intelligent people they are (just like you, right?).
Dinner is at 7:00 PM. If you can, meet us at the bar at any time between 5:30 PM and 7:00 PM.
At le Zie, we will have a really private dining room upstairs, separate from the main part of the restaurant.
The price: $62.50 total per person (includes service and taxes), a bit more than last year so as to include wine.
The room accommodates 24 people comfortably at one large table. If this is important to you, please reserve now to avoid missing out, as the space is limited.
The Menu
- Appetizer:
- Mesclun Salad with Lemon and Extra Virgin Olive Oil or
- Tricolor Salad with Sauteed Shitake and Apple Wood Smoked Bacon, White Wine Vinegar Dressing and Shaved Ricotta.
- Homemade Tortelli filled with Ricotta and Spinach with Asparagus, Butter and Sage
- Linguini with Clams, Garlic and Olive Oil
- Baked Salmon with Horseradish Crust with Sauteed Spinach
- Chicken Porchetta roasted with Rosemary, Oregano, and Fennel Seeds, served with Mashed Potatoes
- Tiramisu or
- Panna Cotta with Fresh Strawberry
- choice of:
Entree:
- choice of:
Desert
- choice of:
Coffee or Selection of Teas
Red or White Wine
Cancellation: if you need to cancel, please call me (877) 332-7359 at least by Tuesday October 2nd. Cancellations after Tuesday can not be refunded unless we are able to find someone to take your place.
There are several parking garages in the area. Free parking on the side streets is usually available after 6:00 PM. Please read the parking signs carefully.
How To Sign Up For The New York SOAR-FEST
Just go to: click here.
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Where To Stay In New York
If you don't find a hotel you like at a reasonable price, try a "bed and breakfast". For a link to a bed and breakfast referral service Click here,
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If You Would Like Flying To No Longer Be An Issue For You
Start With SOAR Fast Track
- The SOAR Fast Track program can be on your computer's screen in two minutes.
- Fast Track is inexpensive.
- Fast Track gives you the most help possible in the shortest time.
Get relief now. You will feel better as soon as you get started by clicking here.
All it takes is some preparation.
As you go through the program, whenever you have a question or a concern, please call me so we can talk it over.
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