Mistaking What Is In The Mind For Reality - Part Two
Last week I wrote about psychic equivalence, and how -- between the age of two and three -- the ability to pretend helps the developing child recognize that what is in its mind is not necessarily reality.
Under stress, we can lose the ability to differentiate between what is in the mind and reality. When flying, if we picture disaster, it is not a problem if we remember it is just imagination. But if we lose track of the fact that it is imagination, we can panic. We need the support of the Strengthening Exercise to prevent regression back to mental capacity we had as a two-year-old. That may be embarrassing, but that there are only three possible explanations for mistaking what is in the mind from reality. Today, we deal with the second one: flashbacks.
Digital cameras have a display on the back. This display allows you to view one of two things:
- 1. the scene presently being picked up by the camera, or
2. a picture previously taken.
One way is to look for additional information. If information is shown on the display such as date, time, or information about the camera settings, that tells you the camera is showing you a picture recorded in its memory.
But if that information is not present, there are two possibilities:
- 1. What you are seeing on the back of the camera is indeed what the camera is seeing at the moment. It is happening now.
2. What you are seeing on the back of the camera is not what the camera is seeing at the moment. It is a picture taken at some past moment. But no information about when or where, and no information about camera sessions is given because there was a failure within the camera to record that information.
When we record something into memory, we record it -- as does a digital camera which is working properly -- with information about when and where this event took place. And, we also record, as part of the memory, a sense of our own identity as the experiencer of this moment.
But just as a digital camera might have a problem that caused it to fail to record information which, when you subsequently look at a photographic image on the display, keeps you from knowing if it is 'live' or recorded, we can fail to record information when recording a memory mentally which -- later on -- can make it hard to tell if what we are experience is 'live' or recorded. We, at times, can't tell if something is from the past or from the present.
That is how it is with flashbacks. A flashback is, for example, an image in your mind which has no 'when and where' information, and no sense of yourself as having experienced that before. If something comes to mind, and with it comes information about when this happened and where it happened, you know it is a memory; it is from the past. But, when no such information is present, we sense what we are experiencing is what is happening now.
Things that have happened to us when we were overwhelmed may have been recorded so that information is missing that would tell us what we are experiencing is from the past. When we have an experience that is overwhelming, we still record the experience into our memory, but we do not record it along with information about when or where, nor do we record any information about our identity as the experiencer.
'I am a camera'
We have an identify. We all have a sense of self as someone who can experience things. And, when experiencing things, usually we maintain a sense of ourselves as the experiencers; as the camera. Thus, when we record something into memory, we also record a sense of our own self as the camera recording the experience. This sense of ones self as an experiencer is termed 'autonoetic'. Sometimes, when experiencing something, we get into it so deeply we lose our sense of self. If it is pleasant, we delight in such moments.
But in a state of overwhelm which are negative experiences, in some cases the situation can overwhelm the mind. The overwhelmed mind can -- like the digital camera -- fail to produce any information about itself and any information about time to be recorded along with the recording of the moment.
Is it live or is it Memorex?
Thus, when a memory is remembered which was recorded while overwhelmed, there is no sense that it is being remembered. Why? Because all the clues that this is a memory are missing. Without those clues, the memory seems to belong -- not to the past but -- to right now!
Flashbacks are a problem for many people who were subjected to abuse as children. It has long been recognized that flashbacks are also a problem for many people who have suffered extreme trauma as adults, such as soldiers who experienced combat. That has long been recognized. But what is newly recognized is that flashbacks can be a problem for some who had what is seen as a completely normal childhood. Parents have been told to put babies to bed and let them 'cry it out'. Alan Schore has done research at UCLA which shows that when children left to cry it out appear to have fallen asleep are not asleep, but in a state of dissociated terror.
I am tempted to say, since this information is available based on brain scans of infants left to 'cry it out', that it is malpractice -- even criminal -- for a pediatrician to advise parents to do that. Yet, look at
http://parents.berkeley.edu/advice/sleep/cry.html. This web pages says, 'You have every right to want a good night's sleep -- it's not being selfish or a bad mom. In fact, you'll be a better mom well rested. As horrible as it is now, you and your child will both benefit from sleeping through the night. Your child will not remember crying to sleep nor be traumatized for life.'
This is gross stupidity masquerading as wisdom. Though the child will not remember the event or who caused the abuse (episodic memory is not mature enough), implicit memory -- the ability to remember feelings -- is mature at birth.
You and I and everyone else can remember feelings we had when we were born. If left to 'cry it out' those feelings can be remembered as well. Without knowing why, we can suddenly feel terror, or feel absolute aloneness. But we neither know it is memory nor where this memory originated. We do not have a clue that it is from being abandoned by our parents to 'cry it out'.
Implicit memory in flight
When we feel alone and threatened, the implicit memory of being left alone and unsafe when crying it out returns. When we become frightened on the plane, we are again overwhelmed by the flashback implicit memory of being abandoned as an infant or as a two-year-old to cry it out.
'Your baby will not hate you.'
That is a quote from the web page cited above. And the person who wrote it is right. You will not connect the terror you experience on the plane with being abandoned to cry it out. 'Parents should recognize that having their babies cry unnecessarily harms the baby permanently. It changes the nervous system so they're overly sensitive to future trauma,' says Dr. Michael Commons, Dept of Psychiatry, Harvard. See:
http://www.hno.harvard.edu/gazette/1998/04.09/ChildrenNeedTou.html.
Feelings we had as young children -- before we were able to remember the events causing the feelings -- can return as flashbacks again and again and again. They may happen a dozen times a day. But on the ground, we can often get rid of them. On the plane, we may not be able to. At least, not without the help of the Strengthening Exercise.
When a flashback happens, emotions are felt without any clue that these emotions are from the past. And, since the original experience of these overwhelming emotions is intense, memory of them is also intense, and is potentially overwhelming.
A man was driving on the New Jersey Turnpike. Passing Newark Airport, a helicopter flew overhead. The sound triggered a flashback. He was overwhelmed. He jammed on his brakes. He pulled over to the side of the highway, and jumped into a ditch, to protect himself from enemy fire, as he had in Vietnam.
Summary
Overwhelm of our ability to record experience into memory, together with a sense of time and of ones self as the experiencer, can produce a memory which can later return as a flashback. When a flashback later occurs, what took place earlier mimics reality. If intense, it overwhelms our ability to experience reality.
A memory, which can later produce a flashback, can be formed when
- a. terror overwhelms ones ability to produce a sense of time and of self as the experiencer,
b. terror takes place before memory is mature enough to record a sense of time or a sense of identity.
What does this have to do with flying? A flashback when flying substitutes memory for what is really happening.
Emotional Isolation
If I claimed that overwhelm happens only when alone, would you agree? If one is abused, you might say, one is not alone. But when abuse is taking place, though an abuser is present, one feels absolutely alone. There is no way to be more alone, psychologically, than when one is being abused. The other person in your presence does not care. One is emotionally isolated and abandoned.
This leads us to understand why the Strengthening Exercise is effective in stopping high anxiety and panic when flying. It is designed to stop flashbacks before they start by preventing that sense of emotional isolation. If we can connect the things that happen when flying to the experience of another person's empathy and attunement, we can avoid the sense of isolation that triggers flashbacks.
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Problems With An Airline?
If the airline didn't treat you right, the government wants to know.
Next time you have a complaint, don't just contact the airline company. Send it, also, to the Department of Transportation, because airlines pay more attention if the compaints are also sent there.
Email complaints to: airconsumer@dot.gov
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Right About Meeting The Flight Crew
Tom (or whoever reads these messages),
Writing to say thank you. I completed my first flights in over 15 years this week, and the course was invaluable. I am delighted.
The key for me was the information about how flying works. Each moment of the flight I knew exactly what was happening. We encountered quite a bit of turbulence on both flights, and it didn't bother me at all. In fact, my two traveling companions got motion sickness on the return flight and I found myself taking care of them!
You were also absolutely right about meeting the flight crew. The pilot, copilot and crew were more than willing to talk to me, and I got to sit in the pilot's seat in the cockpit and chat with the copilot before the flight.
The pilot asked me why I don't like to fly. I told him about my bad experience (I was on a 727 that lost one engine just after takeoff). He said yes, that must have been frightening, but then he said, 'But it was okay - you were fine'. That really hit home for me. I've been holding onto that experience for all these years, thinking about it in one way , and that completely turned it around.
The flight attendants checked in with me throughout the flight, and the pilot made a point of talking to me after. All of that did make a huge difference.
I am thrilled about the possibilities that are open to me now.
Sincerely,
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She Became My Cheerleader
Hi Capt Tom,
My wife & I recently took a flight from Philadelphia to Ft. Myers. I'm happy to report that my stress level was greatly reduced because of your DVDs and knowing that you really wanted me to conquer my fear regarding turbulence. Also I spoke to you a few days before the flight which helped my stress level from increasing as the flight date got closer.
Your DVDs and emails were right on as to my thinking process and physical ways of handling air turbulence. I must admit my wife never knew what mental and physical abuse I put myself through to get on a plane. We watched the tapes together and by finally sharing my fears she became my cheerleader which helped my confidence. I don't think my wife ever knew how deep rooted my fears were.
Thank you for being my advacate. Working through this problem at 62 has meant a lot to me and my family. I enjoy the emails which always seem to touch a part of my soul.
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Do You Have Trouble In Clouds?
If you do, please read the following essay and check out the web sites below. Let me know if knowing about a system that gives the pilots a virtual runway (formed based on signals from the actual runway) to look at helps you feel better.
If it does, I'm going to make a video of a plane flying toward the runway in clouds, and show the virtual runway produced by the 'heads up' display. Then, when the plane comes out of the clouds and the real runway shows up outlined by the virtual runway.
Please click here to see a virtual runway. In this photo, the green at the bottom of the windshield matches the end of the runway. The green mark above that designates the proper touchdown point. A wide green line matches the horizon, and a number indicates the heading of the plane.
I think this can help because if you know a virtual runway is visible, even in the clouds. I can help you to know that, even if the runway cannot be seen through the clouds, radio signals come through the clouds and provide an artificial runway which the pilots can see until the real runway is in view. When the plane breaks through the clouds, as you see from the photo, the runway and the symbolic runway are superimposed.
Also, please click here to see another example.
The earth serves as a kind of 'security blanket'. As soon as the earth is removed from visual contact, we lose some of our ability to regulate anxiety.
For some of us, when we can't see the earth, it is as if it not longer exists. When playing with a six month old child, if you put an object the child is playing with under a blanket, the child doesn't search under the blanket for the object -- even if the child saw you put it there.
Consider the essay last week on psychical equivalency: what is in the mind and reality are precisely equivalent. If you can't see the toy, it doesn't exist. Even at eight months, a child can remember an object exists, even if out of sight under the blanket, and will reach for it.
Similarly, when the earth is out of sight, it is out of mind. And, out of mind, the earth may no longer exists solidly enough to provide calming.
On a Wednesday night conference call, one of the participants told me about someone she knows who has to have some person with him at every moment. Otherwise, he dissociates, and feel like he is out of his body. This is an example of how, when childhood has been a near-disaster, there is nothing within the person that strengthens. Having nothing internally, this man has to depend completely on external means, another person, to regulate feelings. Similarly, many anxious flyers depend upon external means, contact with the earth, to regulate feeling.
Please let me know if the virtual runway seen by the pilots is helpful.
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NTSB Chief Slams The FAA
The NTSB has recommended action on runway incursions about 100 times since 1973.
The FAA has, for years, said runway incursions are their number one priority. And for years, nothing has resulted from this being their, so-called, number one priority. If you go to their web site, it states, 'The FAA aggressively focused on reducing runway incursions for the last several years.'
FAA administrator Marion Blakey is quoted as saying having a GPS system on each plane is a 'long-range goal'. One wonders what happens to their number two and three priorities.
Mark Rosenker, chairman of the National Transportation Safety Board, says the government is moving too slowly to install technology to prevent airliners from making a wrong turn and taxiing onto an active runway.
For more info
click here.
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