Peace
It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble, or hard work.
It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart.
I ran across this anonymous quote in a stationery shop. There it was on a coffee cup: the same thing we are trying to accomplish in the SOAR Program. Being at peace on an airplane is -- not about no noise, no turbulence, no work to prepare, no conflicts to sort through, no anticipatory anxiety to need to focus ones tools upon, but -- being in the midst of those things and still being calm in the core of ones being.
This is what the Strengthening Exercise is about: it is about patching those holes that were left when our very early experiences were not optimal. It isn't that our parents didn't do the best they could. What we know now was not known when you and I were little kids.
But now, through research, we know that babies should not be left to 'cry it out'. We know that babies need empathic response reliably enough for them to feel secure in their infant world, so they can carry built-in security on into their adult world.
And for those of us who didn't get what we needed, it is up to us to build -- now -- what didn't get built in back then. It is a bit like playing cards; a player gets dealt a hand; that can't be changed. The only thing after that is how well the player plays the hand she or he has been dealt. The knowledge now available gives us options in playing the hand we have been dealt which did not exist only a few years ago.
And, if you are a parent, or someday may be one, learn. Read 'Parenting From the Inside Out'. by Daniel Siegel and Mary Hartzell. Or, if you want to really dig into it, read Siegel's 'The Developing Mind. He is a professor of psychiatry at UCLA who is expert in what is now known about early development.
Parent or not, at the very least, read the following article:
http://cms.psychologytoday.com/articles/pto-20000701-000033.html
which will help you understand yourself as well as understand what parents need to know.
To learn the Strengthening Exercise to provide peace for yourself when flying, click here.
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Life Is Too Short To Not See The World And Let Fear Overcome Me'
I haven't communicated with you in a while, but regularly read your emails and words of encouragement. I cannot say enough how much my confidence in flying has improved. I went from being nervous...researching about planes, weather, etc. for months before the flight to simply letting that concern go away and just relax.
I'm smart about choosing an airline to fly with. But, I understand there is risk in everything. An acquaintance died unexpectedly a couple of years ago -- and it wasn't from traveling, flying . . . just in a odd, but no-risk involved way.
I've realized that: 1. life is too short to not see the world and let fear overcome me; and, 2. you cannot control (within reason) what is going to happen to you.
Sure, you can take care of yourself and be aware of risks and potential situations, but when it comes down to it, you cannot control SO many things. Why spend so much energy worrying when the energy should be focused on planning for an exciting trip so you get the most from your vacation or time with family.
So, again, thanks for your encouraging words--keep them coming. They have been helping out tremendously! I no longer freak out and bury my head in a magazine when there is turbulence!
Before, I couldn't speak to anyone during the flight--turbulence or not!--now, I'm talking and laughing away!
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Things To Make Yourself Safer On The Ground
A psychologist who is a client sent these tips. He points out that there are far more risks on the ground -- things we may not even think of -- than there are in the air.
After you read his list of things to be aware of, and the strategy to use to be safer, I think you will find they all make a lot of sense. They can provide a lot of protection.
It is so easy -- too each perhaps -- to thing we are in control and safe as long as we are on the ground.
1. Tip from Tae Kwon Do:
The elbow
is the strongest point
on your body.
If you are close enough to use it,
do!
2. Learned this from a tourist guide
in New Orleans.
If a robber asks
for your wallet and/or purse,
- do not hand it to him;
- toss it away from you;
- run like made in the other direction!
chances are
that he is more interested
in your wallet and/or purse
than you,
and he will go
for the wallet/purse.
3. If you are ever thrown
into the trunk of a car:
- kick out the back tail lights
and - stick your arm out the hole
and - start waving like crazy.
The driver won't see you,
but everybody else will.
This has saved lives.
4. After shopping or after work, it is easy to feel comfortable and safe once you reach your car. There is a tendency to do things before driving off, such as to make a list, do the checkbook, or to put on make-up.
Don't do that! As soon as you get into your car,
- lock the doors and
- ldrive off.
A predator
may be watching for an opportunity to get in
on the passenger side,
put a gun to your head,
and tell you where to go.
If someone
does get into the car
with a gun
- do not simply drive off as instructed;
- instead, gun the engine, and
- speed into anything,
wrecking the car.
Your Air Bag will save you.
If the person is
in the back seat
they will get the worst of it .
As soon as the car crashes
bail out and run.
It is better than having them
find your body
in a remote location.
5. In a parking lot
or parking garage:
- be aware;
- look around you;
- look
at the passenger side floor ,
- look in the back seat
If you are parked next to a big van,
- enter your car from the opposite door .
Most serial killers attack their victims
by pulling them into their vans
while the women are attempting
to get into their cars.
Before reaching your car, look at the car
parked on the driver's side
of your vehicle,
and the passenger side.
If a male is sitting alone
in the seat nearest your car,
- walk back
into the mall, or work,
- get a guard/policeman
to walk you back out.
It is always better to be safe than to later wish you had been less trusting.
6. Always
take the elevator
instead of the stairs.
7. If the predator has a gun
and you are not under his control,
always run!
- A predator will rarely shoot
- A predator will only hit a running target
4 in 100 times.
- And even then,
it most likely will not
be a vital organ.
- Run in a zig -zag pattern!
8. As women,
we are always trying
to be sympathetic:
STOP.
It may get you raped,
or killed.
Ted Bundy,
the serial killer,
was a good-looking,
well educated man,
who ALWAYS played
on the sympathies
of unsuspecting women.
He walked with a cane,
or a limp,
and often asked
'for help'
into his vehicle
or with his vehicle,
which is when he abducted
his next victim.
9. (Note: this one is said to be an "urban legend". Maybe so, but it is not public knowledge, so someone is going to try using it.)
A woman heard
a crying baby on her porch,
and she called the police
because it was late
and she thought it was weird.
The police told her
'Whatever you do,
DO NOT
open the door.'
The woman said that
it sounded like the baby
had crawled near a window,
and she was worried
that it would crawl
to the street
and get run over.
The policeman said,
'We already have a unit on the way,
whatever you do,
DO NOT open the door.'
He told her that they think
a serial killer
has a baby's cry recorded
and uses it to coax
women out of their homes
thinking that someone
dropped off a baby
He said they have not verified it,
but have had several calls
by women saying that
they hear a baby's cry
outside their doors
when they're home alone
at night.
DO NOT
open the door
for a crying baby ----
This
e-mail should probably
be taken seriously because
the Crying Baby theory
was mentioned on
America 's Most Wanted
this past Saturday
when they profiled
the serial killer in Louisiana .
Send this
to any woman you know
that may need
to be reminded
that the world we live in
has a lot of crazies in it
and it's better to be safe
than sorry.
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Three Small Things That May Help At Bit
Carry a small spray bottle with water in it, and when feeling closed in, spray it in your face, or ask someone to do it for you.
Research shows that dark chocolate can have as much effect on lowering blood pressure as some medications. So, if you want to try it, have some dark chocolate before, or during, your flight. Let me know if it matters. Sure, if it seems to help, it may be placebo effect, but if it is reliable, that would be good to know about and pass on.
Another idea is covering the left eye. Why? The right brain is where indications of danger is recorded, and the left eye (which is connected to the right brain) is the eye which is more focused on danger. We could speculate that covering the left eye might help with flying. But I don't think so because; it is not actually seeing danger -- but imagination of danger -- that is the problem. Covering the left eye might lead to more imagination. In a way, that is what happens when flying in the cabin. Neither eye can really see what is happening and imagination takes over. If a person could fly in the cockpit and see everything is fine, there would be no anxiety.
So covering the left eye doesn't sound promising to me. On the other hand, if we can keep both eyes busy with looking at photos which are interesting in a magazine, one after another, that may help keep the left eye too busy to look for trouble.
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Confidence About Engines
Pilots are confident about engines. Why are they, and why should you be?
- First, the plane will fly fine on just one.
Although it is easy to worry about failure of an engine, this is not a good place to place your worry.
- Second, engine failure is rare.
Before we flew the twin-engined 767 across the Atlantic (we had been flying 747s with four engines), we flew them within the U.S. for 2,000,000 hours without any
engine problem. If you go to the grocery store and look at the light bulbs for sale, a lot of them say the average life is 850 hours. So if you never see two light bulbs burn out at the same time, the idea of two engines failing (minimum expected time without a failure of 2,000,000 hours) it gets a little hard to justify being worried.
- Third, the plane can glide - not fall - if such an outlandish thing should occur.
- Fourth, self preservation.
The mechanics know that when they fly - or put their family - for free on the airline, it is going to be on a plane they have worked on.
- Fifth, licensing.
Mechanics are licensed, and can lose their livelihood if they do improper work.
- Sixth, supervision.
A supervisor must also sign off on their work.
- Seventh, licensing, again.
Supervisors are licensed, and can lose their license if they write off work as done when it is not done, or not done right.
- Eighth, internal inspection.
The engines are checked internally with a periscope-like device for problems.
- Ninth, performance tracking.
The engines are constantly tracked by a computer which notes any deviation in performance from the expected. This spots problems early before they can lead to trouble.
- Tenth, testing prior to takeoff.
Instruments in the cockpit check the engines prior to takeoff.
That's ten reasons why we feel confident about the engines and in the work that the mechanics do on them.
I wouldn't have that much confidence in the mechanic who works on your car. But I do have confidence in the mechanic who works on mine; my car mechanic is a private pilot.
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The Democratic Nervous System
One threatening idea generate ones 'shot' of stress hormones. This is pretty 'democratic', like one person, one vote. One idea, one shot of stress hormones; that's it. It takes several ideas -- and a lot of stress hormone hits -- to cause the kind of anxiety you don't want. Just as it takes a lot of votes to elect someone.
Make sure that one idea is not a cover for several. Whatever you are anxious about, dig into these things to see how many sub-bits there are. If you are not yet getting the results you want, digging in this area is key. And, I've found that it isn't productive to do it on your own. It would be helpful to do a short session so I can help you dig.
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Is It A Setback?
It is easy to categorize things in an oversimplified way. If a flight isn't as good as the last one, it is easy to start thinking about a 'setback'. Every flight is different. Every day you and I are different.
A bad day on Wall Street doesn't mean a recession. A bad day of flying doesn't mean a setback.
The key, I believe, is to apply a moment of connection -- directly using the Exercise -- to every moment that might happen during a flight. Make sure every moment and every though (particularly 'strings', or automatic sequences, of thoughts) are separated, and directly connected to a moment of feeling connection.
Then you don't need the earth anymore as a security blanket. Then you don't need control to feel calm. You have the real thing built-in.
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Do Something Now Feel Better About Flying
Start With SOAR
- The SOAR Fast Track program can be on your computer's screen in two minutes.
- Fast Track is inexpensive.
- Fast Track gives you the most help possible in the shortest time.
Get relief now. You will feel better as soon as you get started by clicking here.
All it takes is some preparation.