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Wednesday
Night Chat
Go
to
href='http://www.fearofflying.com'>http://www.fearofflying.com
style='font-family:Arial'> and click on chat. That takes you to a to enter the
chat.
There
are two buttons on the page:
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style='font-family:Arial'>Enter As A Guest, and
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As A Member
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style='font-family:Arial'>see a transcript of what has been said on the chat
before you signed in, and
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style='font-family:Arial'>have access to transcripts of previous chat sessions
This
means if you can't join us on Wednesday night, members can sign in later to
read what was said.
To
become a member, email me at tom@fearofflying.com.
Though the membership form asks for your full name, you can protect your
privacy by using a name you make up. It is completely up to you whether or not
you use your real name.
Entry
As A Guest
Unless
you have set up membership, you will need to enter as a guest.
Click
on "Enter As A Guest". You will be taken to a page asking that you
"Please enter your full name". Actually, you can enter any name you
wish, and if you want to maintain your privacy, just make up something to call
yourself.
The
chat is from 9 PM until 11 PM Eastern. The Conference Call is from 10 PM until
11 PM Eastern.
href='http://www.fearofflying.com/chat.shtml'>More
info.
style='font-family:Arial'>About Working The Program
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An email last week asked about 'working the program'. Often a course
participant has a goal – consciously or unconsciously – to 'feel
nothing'.
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style='font-family:Arial'>It may be because that is what they incorrectly
imagine 'normal' people feel. Or, it may be because they have learned that to
have any disturbing feelings at all leads right on up to panic.
style='font-family:Arial'>
style='font-family:Arial'>Having a goal to feel nothing is both unreasonable
and a problem. Why? Because people who have completely healthy emotional
responses feel.
The goal to feel nothing comes from — and this refers to the seven levels
of arousal — being a person who, if you feel anything at all that is
emotional (level six), they find it almost inevitable that they will move on up
to panic (level seven).
They are people who Als, the originator of the seven levels model, says have a
very 'narrow' level six. They easily go from level five, with no emotional
upset, right through level six to panic in level seven.
What we do in the SOAR program is make your level six much, much larger. It
makes it possible to feel in a normal way, without that cascading on up to
panic. That is an important advancement, and one that can pay off in other
areas of life.
Now, about the positive thought: that is why I produced this new DVD on '
href='http://www.autopilotriches.com/app/netcart.asp?MerchantID=60171&offerID=27006'>The
Strengthening Exercise' because if provides actual images of positive
(typical ones) moments of empathic connection, and inserts very briefly a
flight scene and returns to the positive, all with the proper time.
And, all without your having to 'wear two hats' -- playing the role of exercise
coach and director and the role of exercise participant.
A 'normal' person, I believe, does give boarding a flight a second thought. When I flew jet fighters in
the Air Force, each time I went out to fly, I stopped first by the latrine to
urinate. Each time, I had the thought that this may be the last time I do this.
The risks one ordinarily deals with become ordinary. In the Air Force, very
high risks became ordinary. What we need is for you to find, as you do 'work'
the program, that incredibly small risk becomes ordinary. After all, driving
has become that way, for you I expect, and that is a much greater risk than
flying. But it is more ordinary, at least for a non-pilot.
I do not necessarily expect something to click and give you clear sailing to do
the first flight. Generally there is a lot of anxiety about the first flight
— until you board, and meet the captain. THEN it is clear sailing. But
the anticipatory anxiety leading up to the first (and maybe the second flight)
will be a huge challenge. Don't expect it to have to disappear in order for you
to fly.
It is so easy to think that others fly because they have no fear, and thus, for
you to fly, you must reach the point of having no fear. Others fly, knowing
there is a small risk, knowing the plane is not in their control, knowing that
leaving the plane is not in their control, and are not fully comfortable with
that, and yet do it, because they have built-in automatic soothing, the kind of
built-in automatic soothing the program provides WHILE flying, but not when
leading up to flying.
'
On the lead-up, use the 5-4-3-2-1. It gives you absolute control of
anxiety when you employ it. But when you — instead — expect the
anxiety to simply go away and leave you alone as you imagine (incorrectly) is
true of other people — you don't use the tool that is at your disposal.
So, anticipatory anxiety has to be managed with the 5-4-3-2-1. It will not go
away. You have to manage it. Then, after you fly and discover the vast
difference, the anticipatory anxiety will slack off.
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Flight
After Doing The MP3 'Rapid Relief' Audio Program
We
now have two programs for people who discover as their flight approaches
– usually to their surprise -- that they must have help in order to take
the flight.
style='font-family:Arial'>1.
style='mso-spacerun: yes'> Rapid Relief (For Those About To Fly) for
iPod or other MP3 player, downloaded from the internet.
style='font-family:Arial'>2. The Fast Track video program viewed on your computer via the internet.
Here
is an email from a person who flew after finishing the audio version.
"Capt
Tom.
I´m in Cancun actually enjoying my holidays and (GASP) actually looking forward
to the ride home.
This is NOTHING short of a miracle. I was in the very last seat of the
plane and we went through what I call quite a bit of turbulence and was NEVER
even tense!!! I had your voice in my head reminding me that a plane can
endure quite a bit of turbulence. Meeting the pilot also helped!
Thanks thanks and thanks!"
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Another
Email After Just Finishing The Audio Course
Hi
Tom,
I wanted to give you an update on my return flight back home. It was a
three-hour flight and I can't believe how fast it went by.
I
decided I wanted to meet the captain again just to help ease the anxiety. This
time the captain had me come into the cockpit and actually sit in his seat! I
could hardly believe it was happening. He told me to turn on a switch that lit
up all of the instruments and then he took a picture of me sitting next to the
co- pilot.
I
told him I was a nervous flyer and, as he sipped his Starbucks coffee, he said:
"we have families too and we are going home tonight".
It
was really neat to see him respond in such a casual and confident way. It put
things into perspective and made me think about how safe flying is. Pilots fly
every day and if they trust their lives with this aircraft then I should too.
I
had a window seat and looked out the window the entire time! I had four
magazines but didn't really have time to read any of them because I was too
busy enjoying the view from 33,000 feet!
I
am so glad I downloaded the courses. It was relaxing to feel re-assured at the
airport while I was waiting for my flight. The courses have been so beneficial
I really was surprised how great they are. It touched on all of the reasons why
I had a fear of flying.
There
may be an opportunity for me to fly to Africa this year and the only thing I
can think of is what an amazing trip it will be. Thank you for dedicating your
time to help people with this very real fear. I will certainly stay in touch to
let you know how future flights go. Thank you again.
Sincerely,
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Turbulence
And The Mind
Fear
of turbulence is a testimony to the power of imagination. Limitless imagination
can be thought of as a wonderful talent. Yes, but let's not forget van Gogh.
Imagination -- if not balanced by accurate perception -- is an engraved
invitation to madness.
When
one is insistent that what one imagines is indeed real, it could be thought of
as harmless grandiosity. But is it harmless? Narcissus, myth has it, fell in
love with his own reflection. Of the loquacious narcissist, we might remark,
"He is in love with the sound of his own voice." If the truth were
told, perhaps all of us are in love with the version of reality -- misguided
and misshapen as it is -- we hold so dear in our own mind. Perhaps all of us
are in a life-long struggle between the world we imagine to be real (but isn't)
and the world that actually exists.
This
is why we offer, as the guiding principle in the SOAR program, that the answer
to flight anxiety is to experience flying just as it is, adding nothing,
subtracting nothing.
The
vast difference in how pilots experience the flight and passengers experience
the flight is – not just that the pilots have control but – that
the pilots are in a much better position to experience what is really going on.
Passengers, particularly those blessed – or cursed – with
imagination, can experience the flight
Persistent
equating of imagination with reality is delusion. Chronic delusion is insanity.
This should suggest to us that our mental health rests upon vigilance to
maintain constant awareness that our mental powers are limited. We are always
-- to some degree, great or small -- unable to represent reality in the mind.
Perhaps
to use the word represent is confusing. But it is essential that we understand
reality does not exist in the mind; what exists in the mind -- at best -- is a
representation of reality.
Research
shows children believe their thinking and reality are one and the same until
the age of two or three. To not outgrow that belief means developmental arrest.
If we directly confront the implications of believing that turbulence is a
threat, when all evidence -- other than imagination -- is to the contrary, we
will not be flattered.
Though
it is obvious that when the earth is 25,000 miles in circumference and the head
is less than 25 inches in circumference, what in within ones head can not be
equivalent to the world outside. Yet, we persist, some of us more than others,
for to relinquish the superiority of ones mind to mere reality causes a deep
narcissistic wound to ones ego. As Robin Williams said, "Reality. What a
concept!"
It
is delusion to believe visualizing -- be it world peace, whirled peas, or
turbulence -- amounts to anything other that the comfort of collective delusion
among the delusional.
Turbulence
is not a risk in any way, form, or fashion to us physically. It is a risk
psychologically only because we have little ability to calm ourselves when
stripped of calming connections with others and our ability to control. When
internal ability to regulate emotions is not what it ought to be, we -- like
Linus -- turn to a security blanket. To the degree that the earth serves as our
security blanket, when it is taken from us, we -- like Linus, when Lucy runs
away with his security blanket -- scream bloody murder.
While
it is true that some are indeed developmentally arrested at the age of two to
three and never develop the ability to differentiate between reality and
imagination, most of us are in a different situation. We did learn quite early
to differentiate between reality and imagination, but when the chips are down,
and we go into the air, we are like a fish out of water. Though we do have the
ability when calm to differentiated between imagination and reality, when our
security blanket is taken away, we may lose that ability. When we do, we revert
to the thinking characteristic of a two year-old. And that is why we are amazed
when we survive the imagined.
The
belief that one is in danger in turbulence is based on delusion, the delusion
which results when anxiety causes a reversion to the primitive mental
capability possessed by a two year-old. You weren't in danger. Not one little
bit. How can we take the question of your survival seriously when the question
is based solely on delusion? In turbulence, ones survival is never threatened.
What
is the pilot thinking during turbulence? Most likely, the pilot is thinking about
which flight attendant is most likely to sleep with him that night. Sex is the
most important thing in any pilot's mind I have ever met. The second most
popular pastime of pilots during cruise is discussing investments. When it
comes to third place, some variation enters: it could be football; it could be
fishing; it could be wishing he was home to see his kid in the Little League
game. The above, of course, relates to male pilots. I have no idea what female
pilots think. Though we men can, at times, understand a woman, the mind of the
female pilot is inscrutable.
I
learned long ago, when first doing courses on fear of flying, that the flights
in which anxious flyers narrowly escaped death in the passenger cabin were the
same flights in which I was bored out of my mind in the cockpit.
Turbulence
does nothing to stop boredom in the cockpit. Airline flying is the most boring
job in the world, bar none. Though takeoff and landing are interesting and fun
to do, cruise is nothing more that useless burning up of ones time. And
turbulence changes nothing about that for a pilot.
The
only plunge any airline pilot worries about is the stock market.
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Ready
To Get A Handle On Flight Anxiety?
Available
NOW for INSTANT viewing online, the new
href='http://www.fearofflying.com/fasttrack/'>SOAR Fast Track program is18
video clips that cover the most important concerns about flying.
As
you view it on the internet, you learn the break-through exercises that stop
high anxiety and panic before it starts.
Then,
the Fast Track video leads you through practice sessions with just the right
timing to change how flying feels.
I
can't tell you how proud I am of this new program. There are four good reasons
for starting out with Fast Track.
·
To get a lot of help in a short time.
·
To get an overview that will organize your understanding, before
deeper study with the full (10 DVD or 10 CD) course.
·
To get a lot of help at a low price.
·
To learn enough to figure out what to do next.
And, what you pay for Fast Track -- which you
view instantly on the internet -- is 100% transferable to any of the complete
SOAR Courses on DVD or CD. Click
here to learn more.
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Ready?
Everything You Need Available By Clicking Here
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Even
if you believe nothing will help, that doesn't need to stop you. Most people
who start -- and succeed -- feel that way when they start. It is just that they
have the "whatever-it-is" to try even if they are not sure of
success.
What
about you?
style='font-family:Symbol'>·
style='font-family:Arial'>SOAR is not just another fear of flying program
offering relaxation and reassurance
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style='font-family:Symbol'>·
style='font-family:Arial'>SOAR is advanced help and succeeds with the most
extreme cases of flight anxiety
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style='font-family:Symbol'>·
style='font-family:Arial'>SOAR was developed through twenty-five years of
research, study, and experience
Which
Way Fits You Best?
style='font-family:Symbol'>·
style='font-family:Arial'>The Guaranteed SOAR Video Course on DVD
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Complete
and comprehensive. Ten DVDs (appx. ten hours). View it on the internet as soon
as you place your order. Your DVDs are shipped to your door by FEDEX or
Priority Mail.
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Learn the cause and how
to fix it in 'Psychology of Flight Anxiety'
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Understand amazing
backup systems that make flying safe in 'How Flying Works'
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Get automatic control
of the feelings when you fly with 'Control of Anxiety'
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Take a virtual test
flight of your new skills in 'At The Airport'
style='mso-tab-count:2'> To
see guarantee and order
href='http://www.fearofflying.com/store.shtml'>click
here.
style='font-family:Symbol'>·
style='font-family:Arial'>The Guaranteed SOAR Audio Course on CD
All
the same information as in the video course, but in a format you can use
"on the go", commuting in your car, or downloaded to your iPod.
style='mso-tab-count:2'> To
see guarantee and order
href='http://www.fearofflying.com/store.shtml'>click
here.
style='font-family:Symbol'>·
style='font-family:Arial'>The Guaranteed SOAR Audio Course on MP3
The
information in the courses listed above is condensed into five hours of audio.
Includes:
'Take Me Along' audio tracks to use during the flight.
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Hear lessons on the web
site - or download them to your computer or iPod
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Download the 'Take Me
Along' audio tracks to your iPod or laptop
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It's like having your
own pilot sitting there with you
style='mso-tab-count:1'> I'll explain everything that is happening - as
it happens - so you will know everything is normal on the flight.
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style='font-family:Symbol'>·
style='font-family:Arial'>A Counseling Session
A
session customized to your exact needs. I'm both an airline captain and a
licensed therapist. I can help you based on success with over six thousand
clients in the past twenty-five years. The fee for a twenty-minute session
covering the basics is $60.00, payable by MasterCard, Visa or American Express.
Everything can be covered in forty to sixty minutes (fee prorated to time
used).
Available 10 AM to 7 PM
Eastern (New York) time. Outside the U.S. or Canada, 203 258-4803.