Wednesday Chat And Free Phone Counseling
Regular Wednesday Sessions
- Chat 9 - 11 PM Eastern time
- Free group phone counseling with Capt Tom from 10 - 11 PM Eastern time
Additional Chat Session
- Chat 2:00 - 2:30 PM Eastern time
- Free group phone counseling with Capt Tom from 2:30 - 3 PM Eastern time
- More info at end of email
To join in please go to www.fearofflying.com/chat.shtml.
You can also find there a transcript of a recent chat.
==========
The First Good News About Outsourcing
Boeing is planning to enter the outsourcing business. An $85 million joint venture is planned between Boeing, Shanghai International Airport and Shanghai Airlines to build an airline maintenance base in
Beijing soon.
Outsourced maintenance, if Boeing is doing it, will be done right. And, it will establish high standards by which other outsourcing operations can be compared.
==========
More On Fonagy and Bateman
It has been claimed that a primitive tribe was studied which, each morning, gathered to talk about the previous night's dreams. These daily discussions of inner experience made it clear that inner experience, not only is something everyone has, but that it is important. It was claimed that mental illness was unknown in this tribe.
Last week, I introduced some of the views of Fonagy and Bateman. They have coined a term "mentalization". Mentalization is awareness one has of ones own emotional state and mental processes. People who have good mentalization, they believe, have very little psychological difficulties.
Further, people who do have psychological difficulties get better through learning to mentalize.
Their views were developed, in part, by studying individuals who had no mentalization in their life. They found that most prison inmates had no knowledge that internal psychological processes exist, and they were completely unawareness of internal psychological processes within themselves.
According to interviews with prisoners, Fonagy and Bateman found most grew up in families where expression of an internal emotional state (verbal expression of discomfort, fear, or distress, and overt demonstration of these states by crying) was discouraged or punished, often severely. The implication is that without mentalization, psychological difficulties developed which led to acts which caused them to be imprisoned.
This has implications with fear of flying. Let me explain. When you look at a computer screen, you see what is presented there. Being sophisticated, you know the images are caused by internal processes, a sequence of steps written by a computer programmer.
We also know that a computer programmer can change a program and cause a different process inside the computer. That different process will cause something different to appear on the screen.
We, too, are like that. Like what we see on a computer screen, we are easily aware of what is on the surface. The question is, are we aware - also - of the processes going on inside? And if so, how much?
According to Fonagy and Bateman, a healthy mind must have awareness, not only what is on the screen, but of enough of what goes on inside to do several things.
It is only by awareness of what goes on inside that we are able to read our own emotional state. This ability to read our own internal state helps us know how to accurately read the emotional state and the intentions of others.
Our ability to adapt in a constantly changing world and to successfully relate to other people depends upon our ability to know what is displayed, and to sense what is going on inside to produce what is displayed.
This beings with increased ability for mentalization, so as to know what is going on inside ones own self. Without mentalization, a person will fail to recognize and acknowledge the feelings which are his or her own. When these feelings have the potential to cause distress, the feelings often are attributed to others. This is called "projection".
Though projection may seem to rarely happen, therapists find projection happens almost continuously in troubled relationships. For example, let's consider an adult whose emotional life as a child was not taken seriously by his or her parents, and anger was forbidden. When the adult begins to become angry, there is a sense that anger is present, but the anger is only vaguely sensed.
There is a vast difference between
empathy and projection. Empathy is being able to tune into another
person and sense what they are feeling. Projection is attributing to
others feelings which are actually our own which we are unable to tune
in.
When the adult does recognize his or her anger, it is not vague at all. Thus, when vague anger is sensed, it easily is assumed to be that of some other person. If the adult then accuses the other (non-angry) person of being angry, that accusation may indeed cause anger.
Then, due to the others person's anger (which is in response to the accusation) is mistakenly taken as proof that the anger problem originated in the other person.
The Plane's Feelings
Many anxious fliers are concerned that
These thoughts are a projection onto the airplane of feelings people have. Airplanes exist separately and do not have a mind; they don't struggle; they don't get tired; they don't need rest.
Playfully, I have sometimes said, "The plane loves turbulence". When an anxious flier's orientation is that the plane has feelings, this kind of response can help. When in turbulence, the person finds it more comforting to recall my saying "The plane loves to play in turbulence like we humans love to play in the waves," than a more logical statement that turbulence is not a safety problem.
Projecting human feelings onto airplanes may suggest that we, as children, did not receive recognition for having a mind of our own. Without adequate recognition of our own mind and of mentalization, inner life fails to develop. Then, with limited grasp of what mind is, it is not so easy to know that minds are separate, or to know what has a mind and what doesn't.
If we step back in time, we might ask if we, as children, were allowed to be angry. In a healthy family, anger is allowed and made use of to reveal conflicts and to resolve them. When anger was not allowed, a child learns that to have anger causes a breakdown between the child and those he or she depends upon. Because of this dependency, anger must be gotten rid of.
But anger can't be gotten rid of. Instead, when the child is angry, the anger is denied, or it is attributed to others. It is my belief that if we examine our own childhood carefully, we will find the emotions that were not taken seriously, or the emotions regarded as a problem, are the emotions we have difficulty with today. It seems that the family which does not deal with emotions as "user friendly" is the family that produces children who, as adults, have difficulty regulating feelings. That frequently leads to anxiety and depression.
We still can learn mentalization skills to use in our own life comparable to those a computer programmer uses on a computer. We can become aware of our emotions. We can become familiar - if not comfortable - with our emotional states. We can become more aware of the internal processes that are associated with them.
We are not likely to rewrite our emotional software on our own. We are well-advised to consult a professional, a therapist who is skilled in dealing with mental software.
When it comes to fear of flying, we know what slight changes need to be made to provide adequate calming. When these changes are made - simply by learning and practicing the Strengthening Exercise - adequate calming to fly is produced within.
SOAR will take care of flying. And, what you learn in SOAR may help elsewhere. But for life outside of flying, work with a therapist and become more "user friendly" with emotions and internal processes.
In The New York Area?
If considering therapy, email me for the names of a few therapists I know and can recommend.
If you are a therapist and are interested in recent advances in theory and practice, please email me for information about a monthly study group.
You can also find there a transcript of a recent chat.
==========
The First Good News About Outsourcing
Boeing is planning to enter the outsourcing business. An $85 million joint venture is planned between Boeing, Shanghai International Airport and Shanghai Airlines to build an airline maintenance base in
Beijing soon.
Outsourced maintenance, if Boeing is doing it, will be done right. And, it will establish high standards by which other outsourcing operations can be compared.
==========
More On Fonagy and Bateman
It has been claimed that a primitive tribe was studied which, each morning, gathered to talk about the previous night's dreams. These daily discussions of inner experience made it clear that inner experience, not only is something everyone has, but that it is important. It was claimed that mental illness was unknown in this tribe.
Last week, I introduced some of the views of Fonagy and Bateman. They have coined a term "mentalization". Mentalization is awareness one has of ones own emotional state and mental processes. People who have good mentalization, they believe, have very little psychological difficulties.
Further, people who do have psychological difficulties get better through learning to mentalize.
Their views were developed, in part, by studying individuals who had no mentalization in their life. They found that most prison inmates had no knowledge that internal psychological processes exist, and they were completely unawareness of internal psychological processes within themselves.
According to interviews with prisoners, Fonagy and Bateman found most grew up in families where expression of an internal emotional state (verbal expression of discomfort, fear, or distress, and overt demonstration of these states by crying) was discouraged or punished, often severely. The implication is that without mentalization, psychological difficulties developed which led to acts which caused them to be imprisoned.
This has implications with fear of flying. Let me explain. When you look at a computer screen, you see what is presented there. Being sophisticated, you know the images are caused by internal processes, a sequence of steps written by a computer programmer.
We also know that a computer programmer can change a program and cause a different process inside the computer. That different process will cause something different to appear on the screen.
We, too, are like that. Like what we see on a computer screen, we are easily aware of what is on the surface. The question is, are we aware - also - of the processes going on inside? And if so, how much?
According to Fonagy and Bateman, a healthy mind must have awareness, not only what is on the screen, but of enough of what goes on inside to do several things.
- Read ones own emotional state accurately.
- Read the emotional state of others accurately.
- Maintain a working awareness of separate minds.
- Ability - like a computer programmer - to observe and alter internal process when adaptation is needed.
- Ability - like a computer programmer - to interact with the separate mind of another to achieve adaptive change in the relationship when needed.
It is only by awareness of what goes on inside that we are able to read our own emotional state. This ability to read our own internal state helps us know how to accurately read the emotional state and the intentions of others.
Our ability to adapt in a constantly changing world and to successfully relate to other people depends upon our ability to know what is displayed, and to sense what is going on inside to produce what is displayed.
This beings with increased ability for mentalization, so as to know what is going on inside ones own self. Without mentalization, a person will fail to recognize and acknowledge the feelings which are his or her own. When these feelings have the potential to cause distress, the feelings often are attributed to others. This is called "projection".
Though projection may seem to rarely happen, therapists find projection happens almost continuously in troubled relationships. For example, let's consider an adult whose emotional life as a child was not taken seriously by his or her parents, and anger was forbidden. When the adult begins to become angry, there is a sense that anger is present, but the anger is only vaguely sensed.
There is a vast difference between
empathy and projection. Empathy is being able to tune into another
person and sense what they are feeling. Projection is attributing to
others feelings which are actually our own which we are unable to tune
in.
When the adult does recognize his or her anger, it is not vague at all. Thus, when vague anger is sensed, it easily is assumed to be that of some other person. If the adult then accuses the other (non-angry) person of being angry, that accusation may indeed cause anger.
Then, due to the others person's anger (which is in response to the accusation) is mistakenly taken as proof that the anger problem originated in the other person.
The Plane's Feelings
Many anxious fliers are concerned that
- the plane is "struggling" to get off the runway;
- the plane may get "tired" on a long flight;
- the plane "can't take" the turbulence, or
- the plane may not get "enough rest" between flights.
These thoughts are a projection onto the airplane of feelings people have. Airplanes exist separately and do not have a mind; they don't struggle; they don't get tired; they don't need rest.
Playfully, I have sometimes said, "The plane loves turbulence". When an anxious flier's orientation is that the plane has feelings, this kind of response can help. When in turbulence, the person finds it more comforting to recall my saying "The plane loves to play in turbulence like we humans love to play in the waves," than a more logical statement that turbulence is not a safety problem.
Projecting human feelings onto airplanes may suggest that we, as children, did not receive recognition for having a mind of our own. Without adequate recognition of our own mind and of mentalization, inner life fails to develop. Then, with limited grasp of what mind is, it is not so easy to know that minds are separate, or to know what has a mind and what doesn't.
If we step back in time, we might ask if we, as children, were allowed to be angry. In a healthy family, anger is allowed and made use of to reveal conflicts and to resolve them. When anger was not allowed, a child learns that to have anger causes a breakdown between the child and those he or she depends upon. Because of this dependency, anger must be gotten rid of.
But anger can't be gotten rid of. Instead, when the child is angry, the anger is denied, or it is attributed to others. It is my belief that if we examine our own childhood carefully, we will find the emotions that were not taken seriously, or the emotions regarded as a problem, are the emotions we have difficulty with today. It seems that the family which does not deal with emotions as "user friendly" is the family that produces children who, as adults, have difficulty regulating feelings. That frequently leads to anxiety and depression.
We still can learn mentalization skills to use in our own life comparable to those a computer programmer uses on a computer. We can become aware of our emotions. We can become familiar - if not comfortable - with our emotional states. We can become more aware of the internal processes that are associated with them.
We are not likely to rewrite our emotional software on our own. We are well-advised to consult a professional, a therapist who is skilled in dealing with mental software.
When it comes to fear of flying, we know what slight changes need to be made to provide adequate calming. When these changes are made - simply by learning and practicing the Strengthening Exercise - adequate calming to fly is produced within.
SOAR will take care of flying. And, what you learn in SOAR may help elsewhere. But for life outside of flying, work with a therapist and become more "user friendly" with emotions and internal processes.
In The New York Area?
If considering therapy, email me for the names of a few therapists I know and can recommend.
If you are a therapist and are interested in recent advances in theory and practice, please email me for information about a monthly study group.
==========
This Week's Hopefully Inspirational Email
Capt Tom,
I just wanted to write that 3 weeks ago I took my first flight in 3
years! It was a party for my mom's 60th birthday and also allowed me
the chance to see family I haven't seem in nearly 6 years. And today, I
am flying again to Massachusetts and Rhode Island to attend my best
friend's wedding!
I want to thank you for your program, encouragement
and support. It is a wonderful gift to be able to work toward
overcoming the fear. Your work and efforts should be greatly applauded.
I look forward to continuing to fly to keep this new found feeling fresh in my life.
Sincerely,
==========
Fix The Flying Problem Now
Get started with the program that works. SOAR
was established in 1982 because no programs existed which could help
people with moderate to severe difficulties. Even today, no other
program offers help that is effective except for mild difficulties. No
matter how difficult flying is for you, we can help.
Get started now. The SOAR Fast Track program can be on your computer's screen in two minutes.
- Fast Track is inexpensive.
- Fast Track gives you the most help possible in the shortest time.
- A twenty-minute private session and unlimited group counseling sessions are included.
- What you pay for Fast Track is 100% transferable to the complete SOAR Course DVD or CD.
Getting started may be difficult, but you will feel better as soon as you do by clicking here.
We
are always here to help. As you go through the program, whenever you
have a question or a concern, please call me so we can talk it over.
==========
NASA Sits on Air Safety Survey
Time and time again, I have reported that the FAA is not primarily a safety organization, but a political organization. Now, it has been learned that the current administration sought to destroy a recent report by NASA which shows the FAA was underreporting the number of safety related incidents.
You can read an Associated Press article on this by clicking here.
Briefly, the article says, "An unprecedented national survey of pilots by the U.S. government has found that safety problems like near collisions and runway interference occur far more frequently than previously recognized. But the government is withholding the information, fearful it would upset air travelers and hurt airline profits."
You may want to read a second article in the Washington Post titled "Critics Assail NASA's Refusal to Release Air Safety Survey" by clicking here.
==========
SOAR Business Cards
Many of you have had such great benefit from SOAR that you spread the word about its effectiveness whenever you have the opportunity. Some of you have asked us to provide you with business cards you can give out. If you would like some, please email lisa@fearofflying.com telling her how many to send to you and where to send them.
We have truly broken the code of flight anxiety. Helping people deal with the problem has become easy. The hard part of our work is making it clear that effective help is available. We really appreciate your help in this effort.
==========
2008 New York SOARFest
In case you want to make hotel reservations now at a better price, next year the New York SOARFest will be held on October 4th, 2008.
==========
A Compact MP3 Or MP4 Version Of The SOAR Course Is Now Available For The iPod
This compact program is approximately five hours long. It downloads immediately to your computer where you can watch it or listen to it, and you can further load it into your video or audio iPod.
Want more information? Want to see a video clip of the program, or hear an audio clip of the program?
- MP4 Video - Click Here
for more information on the compact version for your video iPod. $299.95.
- MP3 Audio - Click Here
for more information the compact version for your audio iPod. $199.95.
- "Take Me Along" is included at no extra charge.
==========
Wednesday Night Conference Call On Flight Anxiety
- 9:00 PM until 11:00 PM Eastern time
Join our regular 'chat' (where we type what we want to say).
10:00 PM until 11:00 PM Eastern time
Join in by phone for a free group counseling session with Capt Tom.
Want to know more about:
- How flying works
- Turbulence, and why it is not a threat
- Controlling anxiety, panic and claustrophobia
We'll talk about this and more every Wednesday night
Enter The Chat At: http://www.fearofflying.com/chat.shtml
- Eastern Time: 9 PM until 11 PM
- Central Time: 8 PM until 10 PM
- Mountain Time 7 PM until 9 PM
- Pacific Time 6 PM until 8 PM
Free Phone Counseling Session
- Come on the chat for instructions on how to join the phone session.
The Additional Chat Is At 2 PM New York Time
- Which Is:
- 7 PM in Dublin, Lisbon, London,
- 8 PM in Cairo, Cape Town, Paris, Prague,
- 9 PM in Athens, Beirut, Jerusalem, Nairobi
- 10:30 in Kabul
- 11:30 in New Delhi
- 1 PM in Chicago
- 12 Noon in Denver
- 11 AM in Los Angeles
- Just go to http://www.fearofflying.com/chat.shtml
The chat will be for thirty minutes
The Additional Free Group Counseling Session Is At 2:30 PM New York time
- Which Is:
- 7:30 PM in Dublin, Lisbon, London,
- 8:30 PM in Cairo, Cape Town, Paris, Prague,
- 9:30 PM in Athens, Beirut, Jerusalem, Nairobi
- 11:00 in Kabul
- 12:00 midnight in New Delhi
- 1:30 PM in Chicago
- 12:30 PM in Denver
- 11:30 AM in Los Angeles
- Come on the chat for instructions on how to join the phone session.