Wednesday Chat And Free Phone Counseling
Regular Wednesday Sessions
- Chat 9 - 11 PM Eastern time
- Free group phone counseling with Capt Tom from 10 - 11 PM Eastern time
Additional Chat Session
- Chat 2:00 - 2:30 PM Eastern time
- Free group phone counseling with Capt Tom from 2:30 - 3 PM Eastern time
- More info at end of email
To join in please go to www.fearofflying.com/chat.shtml.
You can also find there a transcript of a recent chat.
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More On The RAS
Last week, you read that the Reticular Activating System (RAS) is responsible for filtering out things we don't need to focus on. It does its work based on "chunks" of data about our past experiences.
Think of a "chunk" as a finger print, and the finger as the actual experience. We can't store a finger in the brain, but we can store an image of a fingerprint which is representative of the finger. Then, once "chunks" - representative of previous experience - are stored in the brain, when something is going on which matches up with a previously stored "chunk", the RAS filters it out; we don't even notice it happening.
This means, if we can establish a "turbulence-chunk" in the mind, the RAS will help keep awareness of turbulence out of our mind.
How Can We Establish A "Turbulence-Chunk"?
First, we have to bite the bullet and, instead of trying to block turbulence from awareness, we need to focus on it. We do not need to record what YOU feel like in turbulence. Instead, we need to make, as it were, a fingerprint of turbulence which we can store in the mind.
Bring along a pad of paper when you fly. Draw a line across a page. That line represents the cruising altitude of the plane. Put your pen on that line at the left end of the line. Then focus on the movements of the plane. As turbulence moves the plane, track the movements with your pen while letting your pen move across the page toward the right. Let the pen move upward to show upward motion, and downward to show downward motion.
When you get to the right side of the page, draw a new line across the page, and repeat. Do this several times.
Then do something different; instead of drawing a new line and repeating the process, each time you get to the right side of the page, go back to the left side and use the same line again. Do this several times. This means you will have several drawings of the motion of the plane superimposed on the same line.
When the turbulence is over, study the lines with just one turbulence drawing. As you do, try to imagine the plane moving as you let your eyes track along the jagged line made by your pen. Then, study the line with multiple drawings. Notice how the superimposed movements average out to produce a band.
After you return to the ground, study the drawings again, once again doing your very best to imagine the movements of the plane that took place when you made those marks on the page.
You can also find there a transcript of a recent chat.
==========
More On The RAS
Last week, you read that the Reticular Activating System (RAS) is responsible for filtering out things we don't need to focus on. It does its work based on "chunks" of data about our past experiences.
Think of a "chunk" as a finger print, and the finger as the actual experience. We can't store a finger in the brain, but we can store an image of a fingerprint which is representative of the finger. Then, once "chunks" - representative of previous experience - are stored in the brain, when something is going on which matches up with a previously stored "chunk", the RAS filters it out; we don't even notice it happening.
This means, if we can establish a "turbulence-chunk" in the mind, the RAS will help keep awareness of turbulence out of our mind.
How Can We Establish A "Turbulence-Chunk"?
First, we have to bite the bullet and, instead of trying to block turbulence from awareness, we need to focus on it. We do not need to record what YOU feel like in turbulence. Instead, we need to make, as it were, a fingerprint of turbulence which we can store in the mind.
Bring along a pad of paper when you fly. Draw a line across a page. That line represents the cruising altitude of the plane. Put your pen on that line at the left end of the line. Then focus on the movements of the plane. As turbulence moves the plane, track the movements with your pen while letting your pen move across the page toward the right. Let the pen move upward to show upward motion, and downward to show downward motion.
When you get to the right side of the page, draw a new line across the page, and repeat. Do this several times.
Then do something different; instead of drawing a new line and repeating the process, each time you get to the right side of the page, go back to the left side and use the same line again. Do this several times. This means you will have several drawings of the motion of the plane superimposed on the same line.
When the turbulence is over, study the lines with just one turbulence drawing. As you do, try to imagine the plane moving as you let your eyes track along the jagged line made by your pen. Then, study the line with multiple drawings. Notice how the superimposed movements average out to produce a band.
After you return to the ground, study the drawings again, once again doing your very best to imagine the movements of the plane that took place when you made those marks on the page.
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How Calming Is Produced
As little children, we are supposed to "internalize" the things people do to calm us. How does internalization work? After you have driven your car over the same route, say from home to a grocery store, several times, you will have internalized a sort of map of the route inside your mind. That internalized map - with its various turns - is an internal mental representation of the external physical path you follow.
Though it is obvious, it is worth saying: you don't put the street - concrete and all - in your brain; you put a representation of that strip of concrete in your brain.
When mom tries to calm you, if things go well, you establish a representation of her - and what she does - in your brain. Her calming behavior toward you has to be very simple and very consistent. After all, you are just a little kid, and there are limits to your ability to memorize things. If her behavior is too complicated, you won't be able to put a simple representation of her inside your brain. If her behavior is too inconsistent, you won't be able to internalize it.
She, herself, must be calm. It is pretty hard to imagine, even as an adult, being calmed by a person who is out of control. When you need her due to being upset about something, it is essential that she always (or very nearly always) maintain her composure and to respond to you in a way that does a good job of calming you.
It needs to be that simple and consistent. If it is, you build in a representation of her, and what she does, that you can use. When you go to kindergarten, if you have mom built inside, mom is right there to comfort you mentally even though she is not physically present. If you get upset, you remember how mom comforted you. The recall of her comforting you does the job.
But if mom is not consistent enough for you to put together a simple and dependable internal representation, you won't be able to use what is inside to calm yourself. You were unable to build a representation of mom inside to use whenever you need calming; you don't even know such a thing is possible. All you know is, to be calmed, there has to be someone physically present to do it.
Fast forward to the present. You may still have no way to know that people who feel secure and who regulate emotions easily do so by use of what we call "internal objects".
Without internal objects to calm us naturally, ways to be calmed are limited:
- control everything that could upset you;
- have a way to run away from anything, from anyone, or from any place that could upset you;
- have someone always available to calm you;
- have some illusion that nothing can harm you;
- have the illusion that you have control, even when you don't;
- pretend you don't care.
Obviously, these ways to provide calming for yourself limit life. In the SOAR program, we provide what was not provided when you were a little kid. How do we do that? We find a moment when you felt a profound connection with another person. Empathic connection with others is genetically encoded in us to calm us. We grab that moment - and the calming that comes from it - and "paste" it right on top of images of the things you are going to run into when you take your flight.
When you fly, you are transformed. You are like the little kid in kindergarten who has Mom built inside. Why? Because we have actually - manually, and step-by-step - built someone special inside you in a way that is automatically activated when you fly.
It is BETTER than having someone with you. Why? Because when there is someone built inside you, you get calmed before you can get upset. The calming takes place unconsciously and stops the anxiety before it reaches consciousness.
This means you get on the plane and feel nothing!
Even if I were with you on the plane, seated physically beside you, I would only be able to react after you got upset. When someone is built inside, that isn't necessary. You just don't get upset to begin with.
Ready to get started with the program that works? SOAR
was established in 1982 because no programs existed which could help
people with moderate to severe difficulties. Even today, no other
program offers help that is effective except for mild difficulties. No
matter how difficult flying is for you, we can help.
Get started now. The SOAR Fast Track program can be on your computer's screen in two minutes.
- Fast Track is inexpensive.
- Fast Track gives you the most help possible in the shortest time.
- A twenty-minute private session and unlimited group counseling sessions are included.
- What you pay for Fast Track is 100% transferable to the complete SOAR Course DVD or CD.
Getting started may be difficult, but you will feel better as soon as you do by clicking here.
We
are always here to help. As you go through the program, whenever you
have a question or a concern, please call me so we can talk it over.
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Does SOAR Last? A Report After Five Years
Hi Tom,
I am a long time member of your program. My letter of introduction to board early dates back to November 2002. I read your weekly newsletters and felt it was time to chime in. I was a terrible flyer before your program, pretty much wrapped in fear every time I had to take a flight. Whether is was for business or pleasure my fear of flying was getting in the way of things I wanted to do in life.
Since taking your course I look at the whole process of flying differently. As with most fearful flyers, the anxiety would start with the initial booking of a flight and not end until I was back home. I would be lying if I said I have no anxiety at all, but it is such a minimum amount it has not deterred me from traveling anywhere. I now travel about eight to ten times a year.
In the beginning I once called you from an airport in Minnesota on my way back to New York. I was not in a good frame of mind to fly and you spoke to me on the phone and basically gave me the confidence to get on that plane. I will always remember that and be grateful. I still do the Strengthening exercises, revisit the DVD's, and most of all ALWAYS meet the captain and crew when I fly. Most of my friends get a kick out of my meeting the pilot, but now they always ask me what they were like and what did they say. It has become a routine for me, so for my family and friends it is just part of the flight. No one should ever feel embarrassed to ask to meet the pilot. They are very happy to speak to you and enjoy giving you details about the flight and their flying history.
We just came back from Italy. The flight from New York to Venice was the longest one I had ever taken, until we flew back from Rome to New York. The trip was just great. My wife told me when we were there that she never thought we could take a trip like that because of my fear of flying. I felt very proud, and happy we could share an experience I never thought possible years ago.
I tell many people of your program. Especially the nervous ones I meet on a plane as I calm them down !! Thanks again.
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SOAR Business Cards
Many of you have had such great benefit from SOAR that you spread the word about its effectiveness whenever you have the opportunity. Some of you have asked us to provide you with business cards you can give out. If you would like some, please email lisa@fearofflying.com telling her how many to send to you and where to send them.
We have truly broken the code of flight anxiety. Helping people deal with the problem has become easy. The hard part of our work is making it clear that effective help is available. We really appreciate your help in this effort.
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2008 New York SOARFest
In case you want to make hotel reservations now at a better price, next year the New York SOARFest will be held on October 4th, 2008.
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What Is In The Mind May Be Imagination
Context
When author Malcolm Gladwell followed up The Tipping Point with Blink, he pointed out that people can be psychologically "primed" to interpret a stimulus incorrectly. That happens with flight anxiety. Since anxiety is tied to something going wrong, an anxious flier is "primed" to interpret almost any stimulus as the first sign of doom.
If we could prevent that priming, a lot of flight anxiety would disappear. How can we do that? Though intellectual understanding can't totally end the anxiety problem, it can help reduce "priming". Here's how. When you go onboard a plane with the belief that if anything at all goes wrong, you are doomed, any stimulus that comes into your awareness leads to distress. But when you go onboard a plane knowing that every modern jetliner has a primary system, a standby system, a backup system and an emergency system for everything needed to get you from point A to point B, you go onboard with a different "priming", one that is more aligned with the reality of the situation.
If something goes wrong, you are not doomed. If something goes wrong with a primary system, the standby system automatically takes over the task, and the plane operates normally. In fact, the pilots are not even informed of the switchover until after the flight is completed, and then only so they can inform maintenance to work on the primary system.
During flight, if the standby system takes over the task, and that does not solve the problem, then the pilots are notified. They open the flight manual and take the steps that switch to the backup system, and - if necessary - to the emergency system.
So the first thing we can do to deal with flight anxiety is to understand that flying is safe because everything needed for flight is provided for, not once, but four times.
Until the context is changed, "priming" is a problem. Thus, any movement, any noise, and any bump brings to mind an idea of danger. This idea may cause a fleeting image in the mind of the plane out of control. But whether the idea is visual or not, this impression - as a result of the first stimulus - causes the release of stress hormones.
Stress hormones are needed when we have the smoke alarm go off at 2:00 AM so we can instantly spring into action that may be needed to insure our safety. But stress hormones will go off just as surely with a false alarm - a malfunction of the smoke detector - as with a real fire.
After being rudely awakened - and alerted - at 2:00 AM, our proper job is to discern whether or not the noise of the smoke alarm signals real danger, or is a false alarm. This is a step anxious fliers skip. The physical feelings caused by the stress hormone release are associated with danger. Though we all should know that these hormones are sometimes released - as a false alarm - when there is no danger, the anxious person may feel too threatened to consider any alternative explanation for the feelings they experience.
For the anxious person, these feelings caused by stress hormones combine with the idea (the thought or visualization of disaster that caused the stress hormones) to produce "false closure". In other words, the mind closes out consideration. It closes out looking for evidence, closes out examination of evidence, and closes out discernment. For many people, once the mind reaches closure, it no longer considers any other possible reality; no more testing of reality is done. Inadequate reality testing frequently results in a false conclusion being locked onto.
There appears to be a kind of chemistry between the idea - that the plane is in trouble - and the feeling - caused by stress hormones - that forms a bond. Once that bond is made, once that false reality is bought into, the person is closed to the possibility of any reality other than the false one the person has bonded to.
The Pretend-Mode
It is interesting to speculate about why some people easily form a bond between an idea and a feeling. In a recent book, Peter Fonagy and Anthony Bateman offer an explanation. Fonagy and Bateman say that between the ages of two and three, a child learns to pretend. To explain their concept, let's imagine a two year-old and a three year-old playing together. The three year-old has mastered the art of pretending, but the two year-old is just beginning to learn to pretend. They agree to pretend they are explorers in a jungle. The pretend exploration begins. They pretend they are encountering lions and tigers, poisonous snakes and spiders. The three year-old, who has mastered the art of pretending, can imagine these things and, at the same time, maintain awareness that the lions and tigers, snakes and spiders are not real. Though it is entertaining and exciting to imagine this, the three year-old is not overwhelmed. But the two year-old, who has not mastered this art, losings the ability to know that what is in mind is not real, and becomes overwhelmed by fear.
Are we like the two year-old, or the three year-old? Or, are we somewhere in between, say two-point-six, so that we sometimes can remember that what we have in mind may not be real? If we are not easily able to know that anything we have in mind MAY not be reality, we can expect trouble when flying. We will not be able to hold onto the knowledge that our experience may not be reality.
Until I read Fonagy and Bateman's book, I simply believed people who have trouble with flying have a vivid imagination. And while that may be true, there is more to it than that. The question is not just how vivid imagination is; the question is this: once imagination causes feelings, does enough ability remains to hold onto awareness that we may be experiencing imagination - not reality?
Linking Emotion
James Masterson taught those of us who studied with him that the glue which holds false concepts in place is the "linking emotion". What I've written above shows how emotion can bond to a faulty idea and make it seem real. Over time, a number of faulty ideas can become accepted as accurate representations of reality. Then, the emotion these fallacies have in common can, by association, link these incorrect beliefs together. Once the emotion is present, the emotion, by association, can bring to mind other situations in which this emotion was experienced.
This can result is a person holding a constellation of false beliefs, all caused by premature closure. Since premature closure is the result of anxiety, this suggests that an anxious person is likely to hold one or more constellations of false beliefs. If there is a constellation of false beliefs about flying, it must be dismantled in order to deal effectively with flight anxiety. This is where "How Flying Works" can be helpful. Until a constellation of false beliefs can be dismantled, a person can believe that what is held in the mind and reality are one and the same. This is termed "psychic equivalence".
Psychic Equivalence
The linking of various fallacies by a common emotion tends to reinforce and strengthen each of the fallacies. Masterson worked with clients who had formed massive constellations. These constellations formed a complete aberrant reality in which they lived and to which they held onto tenaciously as the only viable reality. The experience of these clients was that their reality WAS reality. In other words, to them, their mind and reality was one-and-the same; any alternative reality (an alternative point of view held by another person) was "crazy".
Marking
Fonagy and Bateman are of the opinion that learning to master the pretend-mode depends upon the child's experience prior to age two. They say that when the child experiences something the mother (or other caregiver) regards as an inaccurate assessment of reality, the adult needs to reply to the child in a way that repeats what the child has said, but "marks" it in a way that lets the child understand that there are two minds at work here, and that what is in the child's mind and what is in the adult's mind don't match up. This "marking" can be, for example, an exaggerated emphasis. For example, the adult may say, "So you can't go to sleep because YOU think there is a PANTHER in the closet." This exaggeration makes it clear that the adult hears the child, understands there is a panther in the child's mind, but that there is not a panther in the closet in the adult's mind.
When "marking" takes place again and again in various situations, the child comes to understand, at some rudimentary level,
- there is not just one mind, but more than one
- the adult can hold the child's mind in mind (the adult's separate mind)
- this means minds are separate but can be bridged by communication and empathy
- what one mind holds as real can be held by another mind as not real
This early understanding of mind - and minds - serves the developing child well. The adult who can provide this understanding for the child provides a valuable domain in which the child's mind can grow and develop with security. For security, the child must know that its mind is - indeed - separate, and that this does not result in a problem or in danger, but that we all have separate minds, and that our separate minds can be bridged by connections between us, and yet hold different views of reality.
The child who is simply told the contents of its mind - whether ideas or feelings - are ridiculous does not receive the nourishment needed for secure development.
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A Compact MP3 Or MP4 Version Of The SOAR Course Is Now Available For The iPod
This compact program is approximately five hours long. It downloads immediately to your computer where you can watch it or listen to it, and you can further load it into your video or audio iPod.
Want more information? Want to see a video clip of the program, or hear an audio clip of the program?
- MP4 Video - Click Here
for more information on the compact version for your video iPod. $299.95.
- MP3 Audio - Click Here
for more information the compact version for your audio iPod. $199.95.
- "Take Me Along" is included at no extra charge.
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Patrick's Salon Column
This week, Patrick writes about airport security. He says, " . . . the system shows no signs of improving. The hysteria hasn't passed, it's become codified. We know that sharp objects can be fashioned from almost anything, yet we continue to fish through bags for hobby knives. The London liquid bombers never came close to pulling off an attack, and experts contend there is little practical purpose in restricting liquids and gels, yet we continue seizing toothpaste and bottled water. Caterers and cargo loaders are exempt from screening, yet pilots are subject to shoe inspections. And so on. Rather than rethink these useless protocols, the best we've come up with is a way to skirt them -- for a fee, naturally -- via schemes like Registered Traveler. Who are the winners in all of this? The contractors and vendors of the security-industrial complex, from purveyors of high-tech surveillance
equipment to the Dow Chemical Company -- the maker of Ziploc bags. Travelers, obviously, are the biggest losers . . . .
You can read the entire article at by clicking here.
You may also want to read his take on how to fix - and not to fix - the delay problem at this link.
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Patrick's Salon Column
This week, Patrick writes about airport security. He says, " . . . the system shows no signs of improving. The hysteria hasn't passed, it's become codified. We know that sharp objects can be fashioned from almost anything, yet we continue to fish through bags for hobby knives. The London liquid bombers never came close to pulling off an attack, and experts contend there is little practical purpose in restricting liquids and gels, yet we continue seizing toothpaste and bottled water. Caterers and cargo loaders are exempt from screening, yet pilots are subject to shoe inspections. And so on. Rather than rethink these useless protocols, the best we've come up with is a way to skirt them -- for a fee, naturally -- via schemes like Registered Traveler. Who are the winners in all of this? The contractors and vendors of the security-industrial complex, from purveyors of high-tech surveillance
equipment to the Dow Chemical Company -- the maker of Ziploc bags. Travelers, obviously, are the biggest losers . . . .
You can read the entire article at by clicking here.
You may also want to read his take on how to fix - and not to fix - the delay problem at this link.
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Airbus Delivers First A-380
To read an article on it click here.
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Wednesday Night Conference Call On Flight Anxiety
- 9:00 PM until 11:00 PM Eastern time
Join our regular 'chat' (where we type what we want to say).
10:00 PM until 11:00 PM Eastern time
Join in by phone for a free group counseling session with Capt Tom.
Want to know more about:
- How flying works
- Turbulence, and why it is not a threat
- Controlling anxiety, panic and claustrophobia
We'll talk about this and more every Wednesday night
Enter The Chat At: http://www.fearofflying.com/chat.shtml
- Eastern Time: 9 PM until 11 PM
- Central Time: 8 PM until 10 PM
- Mountain Time 7 PM until 9 PM
- Pacific Time 6 PM until 8 PM
Free Phone Counseling Session
- Come on the chat for instructions on how to join the phone session.
The Additional Chat Is At 2 PM New York Time
- Which Is:
- 7 PM in Dublin, Lisbon, London,
- 8 PM in Cairo, Cape Town, Paris, Prague,
- 9 PM in Athens, Beirut, Jerusalem, Nairobi
- 10:30 in Kabul
- 11:30 in New Delhi
- 1 PM in Chicago
- 12 Noon in Denver
- 11 AM in Los Angeles
- Just go to http://www.fearofflying.com/chat.shtml
The chat will be for thirty minutes
The Additional Free Group Counseling Session Is At 2:30 PM New York time
- Which Is:
- 7:30 PM in Dublin, Lisbon, London,
- 8:30 PM in Cairo, Cape Town, Paris, Prague,
- 9:30 PM in Athens, Beirut, Jerusalem, Nairobi
- 11:00 in Kabul
- 12:00 midnight in New Delhi
- 1:30 PM in Chicago
- 12:30 PM in Denver
- 11:30 AM in Los Angeles
- Come on the chat for instructions on how to join the phone session.