About
The Wednesday Night Chat

Last
week, the chat was down. I started looking for better chat software, and found
something I think you will like.

Go
to href='http://www.fearofflying.com'>http://www.fearofflying.com style='font-family:Arial'> and click on chat. That takes you to a page for you
to use to enter the chat.

There
are two buttons on the page:

style='font-family:Symbol'>· style='font-family:Arial'>Enter As A Guest, and

style='font-family:Symbol'>· style='font-family:Arial'>Members Sign In

Entry
As A Member

If
you have time, email me and ask for an "invitation" to become a
member. I will send you a link to set up your chat membership. Though the
membership form asks for your full name, you can protect your privacy by using
a name you make up. It is completely up to you whether or not you use your real
name.

Then,
when you sign in as a member, you can

style='font-family:Symbol'>· style='font-family:Arial'>see a transcript of what has been said on the chat
before you signed in, and

style='font-family:Symbol'>· style='font-family:Arial'>have access to transcripts of previous chat sessions

This
means if you can't join us on Wednesday night, members can sign in later to
read what was said.

Entry
As A Guest

Even
if you have been on the chat before, unless you have set up membership, you
will need to enter as a guest.

Click
on "Enter As A Guest" and you will be taken to a page asking that you
"Please enter your full name". Actually, you can enter any name you
wish, and if you want to maintain your privacy, just make up something to call
yourself.

The
chat is from 9 PM until 11 PM Eastern. The Conference Call is from 10 PM until
11 PM Eastern. href='http://www.fearofflying.com/chat.shtml'>More
info.

"I
Got To The Point Where I Was Actually Getting Bored!" style='font-size:16.0pt;font-family:Arial'>

style='mso-spacerun: yes'> Hi Capt. Tom,

style='mso-spacerun: yes'>

Thank
you for the follow up phone call this past week. I wanted to let you know that
I bought the audio courses and down loaded them to my I Pod. I had about 3 days
to listen before my flight and I was still really nervous. However, I kept
reminding myself of everything I had learned over the last few days and this
could really be a changing point in my life.

I
flew with Southwest and I have to say they really have an awesome team of
people. I asked the first flight attendant I saw if I could meet the Captain
and he looked and me and said "Of Course!" So I went to the Cockpit
and met the Captain and explained that I was a nervous flyer. He assured me
everything was going to be ok, that we had a new plane and to expect a good
flight. During take off I had a hard time, but I just turned to the person next
to me and asked to if it would be ok to talk to her to help keep me distracted
and she said "of course!"

After
we were in the air I was so relaxed and kept thinking about all the irrational
things that used to scare me before and how silly that was now. I got to the
point where I was actually getting bored! I was able to look out the window and
enjoy the view. I have my return flight tomorrow and am feeling a little
nervous but I know it is possible to have relaxing trip. Thank you for all the
help and for being so sincere. I will write a follow up to let you know how my
return flight was.

'If I Feel It, It Must Be
Happening!'

Yes,
feelings are real, but they may only be real inside style='font-family:Arial'>.

It
is all too easy to automatically equate feelings with reality. In other words,
to forget that what is felt inside may have nothing to do with what is outside.

style='mso-spacerun: yes'>

I
often wonder why feelings are taken as equivalent to reality. What we
experience inside is obviously not equivalent to what is outside. How could it be?

If
you take a tape and measure the distance around your head, you'll come up with
twenty-some inches. Meanwhile, the distance around the earth is twenty-some
thousand miles. That, alone, should make it pretty clear that ones inner world
has to be -- not equivalent to the outer world -- but a representation style='font-family:Arial'> of the outer world.

And
yet, we so easily forget that all our experience "in here" is nothing more – at
best -- than representations of
what is "out there".

Maybe
we should take a look, too, at the 'at best' part.

'The
Map Is Not The Territory'

I
spent years at different psychological training institutes looking for things
that would work to deal with flight anxiety. At one of the institutes, they
used this expression to remind us to remind ourselves about the difference
between internal representation and the external world. They said, "the
map is not the territory".

Imagination
Versus Perception

Remember
Lewis and Clark who explored and mapped much of this country. They didn't sit
in an office, imagine it, and draw maps based on what they imagined. They
explored the territory. And, they perceived it. But they didn't stop with
perception; they surveyed it. They measured it. Why? To produce a map that
represented the territory as accurately as possible. Only by doing that could a
representation of the territory be accurate enough to be useful.

When
flying, many don't bother to use perception, or to use measurement. Anxious
flyers think they perceive the plane falling. It isn't true. They only imagine
the plane falling. And when that imagination causes alarm and stress hormones
are released, they believe they are feeling something real which substantiates
their imagination. It is all delusion.

Delusion
Can Be Supplanted By Perception

I've
pointed out that if you hold a cup of water up over the sink and plunge your
hand, holding the cup, down one foot, momentarily the water will be a foot
above the cup. And then, of course, the water will fall into the sink.

As
Lewis and Clark measured
the territory in order to make an accurate representation, you can measure
– and be accurate rather than delusional about how much the plane
actually moves.

Get
a half cup of water. Open your tray table. Hold the cup against the tray table.
That means, since the tray table is going to go wherever the plane goes, so
will your cup you are holding against the tray table.

If
the plane actually plunged one foot, the water would momentarily be a foot
above the cup. You will never see anything like that. Instead, the water will
do nothing more than slosh out of the cup, and even then, less than when riding
in a car.

If
the representation of the territory which the map offers is accurate and
detailed enough, it can help us get from point a to point b. But if the
representation is badly flawed, we may not get there so easily.

Similarly,
if the representation of the flight that you put inside your mind is accurate
enough, you will not experience high anxiety on the flight. But a badly flawed
representation, one that is nothing more than imagination, can cause great
distress.

We
need to understand fully that, at best, our internal map of the world cannot
perfectly represent the external world. Our 'reality' and real reality are
never going to be a perfect match, even when we are not filled with emotion.

And
when we are filled with emotion, the accuracy of our internal view of what is
going on is even less accurate.

When
you have images of plunging, those images cause feelings. What you imagine is
completely made up inside your head. There is no connection between those
images and reality.

Thus,
feelings you get as a result of that imagination are also unconnected with
reality.

Technically,
It Is Delusional

Does
this mean you are crazy? No. Well, not exactly, because everyone does this. But
it could mean you are – though not crazy – delusional. Most of us
are delusional to some degree. Most of us have an internal view of the world
that is not necessarily what is going on out there in the real world.

But
most of us recognize that our view of the world may be flawed. If we recognize
that fact, and are willing to examine our view of the world, and to compare it
with the view of the world others hold, we are not technically delusional. We
recognize our limitations.

But
a person who is too rigid, or is too anxious or threatened by what reality may
hold, may insist that their view of the world is flawless. Such people are
delusional. They fail to recognize fallibility.

Then
what is the difference between delusional and crazy? Crazy, meaning insane,
could be considered delusion gone wild.

Though
anxiety makes us want to seek some form of certainty, as a means of getting
relief from anxiety, being prematurely sure can easily lead from anxiety to
terror, even though no significant threat exists.

Here's
what I suggest you understand:

style='font-family:Symbol'>· style='font-family:Arial'> what you
imagine is nothing more than pretend;

style='font-family:Symbol'>· style='font-family:Arial'> pretending can cause feelings;

style='font-family:Symbol'>· style='font-family:Arial'> feelings
cause what is pretended to seem real.

There
is external truth and there is internal truth. And rarely the twain shall meet.

Often,
relief from flight anxiety requires two things:

style='font-family:Symbol'>· style='font-family:Arial'>recognition that ones reality is completely off,

style='font-family:Symbol'>· style='font-family:Arial'>use the Strengthening Exercise to build into the mind
an automatic way to control excessive feelings

About
Using That Technique

Dear Captain
Tom:

My husband has
been bugging me to fly places with him for years. He always

ended up flying
off with our kids and I would stay at home. I was afraid for

myself to fly
but not my kids...that sounds so stupid!

The last time I
flew was in 1989 when we went to England. I was afraid to

fly then but did
it and to tell you the truth they were uneventful flights

from Orlando to
New York to London and back.

Last May, my
husband purchased your program for me and made reservations for us to fly to
California. I knew I was going to have to fly so I watched and

studied the DVDs
completely. Even making notes for
my flight.

I was able to
talk with the pilots when we boarded and the co-pilot even

kidded with me
that he had "flight anxiety" also! That helped calm me down.

The flight
attendants kept checking up on me and the flights were smooth from

Orlando to LA
and back.

I thought I had
better get back on a plane soon after that so we flew to

Washington, DC
in July. Again, I spoke with the pilots and the flight

attendants were
attentive to me. Smooth flights this time as well.

Okay, comes
October and we fly to Pittsburgh. Met the pilots, but the flight

was very, very
turbulent. The pilot comes on and tells us other pilots are

reporting the
same turbulence all over at different altitudes so he

announces we are
going to "ride it out". OH NO, I thought. We had already

been served our
refreshments by then. I remember what you said in the SOAR

course about the
plane in turbulence only dropping an inch or so when people

really think it
has dropped miles. I watched my drink and it really never

moved although
we were getting bumped around pretty good. I could see

people's heads
in front of me bobbing and jerking back and forth. It was so

bad that you
could not read but I must have stared at the cover of my

magazine for a
full hour! I was stressing out pretty good by then. The

flight
attendants were not even walking around. When we finally landed,

everyone clapped
and cheered.

I decided I
would rent a car and drive home. But, I got back on the plane

for our return
flight home. Luckily, I was seated next to a woman who was

scared to death
to fly. I felt like an old pro! I talked with her and felt

real good and
not scared at all. The flight was beautiful. Absolutely no

turbulence and
clear skies all the way home. You could see the mountaintops,

valleys, lakes
and rivers. The pilot would come on and tell us where we were

and what to look
for. We traveled along the east coast and you could see the

coast line and
everything! I even saw another airplane heading opposite us a

few miles in the
distance and realized that airplanes do really travel on a

"highway in
the sky".

Your SOAR course
has helped me so much. I highly recommend it. I will be

honest and tell
you that of these 3 trips we took I
was very nervous before

each one but I
did review the DVDs before each flight. To me, waiting to

board the flight
was the hardest part of everything.

Thank you so
much!!!

Ready
To Get A Handle On Flight Anxiety?

Available
NOW for INSTANT viewing online, the new href='http://www.fearofflying.com/fasttrack/'>SOAR Fast Track program is18
video clips that cover the most important concerns about flying.

As
you view it on the internet, you learn the break-through exercises that stop
high anxiety and panic before it starts.

Then,
the Fast Track video leads you through practice sessions with just the right
timing to change how flying feels.

I
can't tell you how proud I am of this new program. There are four good reasons
for starting out with Fast Track.

·
To get a lot of help in a short time.

·
To get an overview that will organize your understanding, before
deeper study with the full (10 DVD or 10 CD) course.

·
To get a lot of help at a low price.

·
To learn enough to figure out what to do next.

And, what you pay for Fast Track -- which you
view instantly on the internet -- is 100% transferable to any of the complete
SOAR Courses on DVD or CD. Click
here to learn more.

In Patrick's Salon Column This Week

An exploration of airline cabin interiors, from
the swankiest to the silliest.

To read the full
story, click
here.

Entry to Salon
is free by watching a short advertisement. Look for

the "Enter Salon" logo to appear. style='font-size:13.0pt;font-family:Arial;color:black'>

Looking For A
Miracle?

Capt Tom.



I´m in Cancun actually enjoying my holidays and (GASP) actually looking forward
to the ride home.



This is NOTHING short of a miracle. I was in the very last seat of the
plane and we went through what I call quite a bit of turbulence and was NEVER
even tense!!! I had your voice in my head reminding me that a plane can
endure quite a bit of turbulence. Meeting the pilot also helped!



Thanks thanks and thanks!

Ready?
Everything You Need Available By href='file://localhost/'http/::www.fearofflying.com:store.shtml'> style='font-family:Arial'>Clicking Here style='font-family:Arial'>

Even
if you believe nothing will help, that doesn't need to stop you. Most people
who start -- and succeed -- feel that way when they start. It is just that they
have the "whatever-it-is" to try even if they are not sure of
success.

What
about you?

style='font-family:Symbol'>· style='font-family:Arial'>SOAR is not just another fear of flying program
offering relaxation and reassurance

style='font-family:Symbol'>· style='font-family:Arial'>

style='font-family:Symbol'>· style='font-family:Arial'>SOAR is advanced help and succeeds with the most
extreme cases of flight anxiety

style='font-family:Symbol'>· style='font-family:Arial'>

style='font-family:Symbol'>· style='font-family:Arial'>SOAR was developed through twenty-five years of
research, study, and experience

Which
Way Fits You Best?

style='font-family:Symbol'>· style='font-family:Arial'>The Guaranteed SOAR Video Course on DVD style='font-family:Arial'>

Complete
and comprehensive. Ten DVDs (appx. ten hours). View it on the internet as soon
as you place your order. Your DVDs are shipped to your door by FEDEX or Priority
Mail.

style='font-family:'Courier New'>o
Learn the cause and how
to fix it in 'Psychology of Flight Anxiety'

style='font-family:'Courier New'>o
Understand amazing
backup systems that make flying safe in 'How Flying Works'

style='font-family:'Courier New'>o
Get automatic control
of the feelings when you fly with 'Control of Anxiety'

style='font-family:'Courier New'>o
Take a virtual test
flight of your new skills in 'At The Airport'

style='mso-tab-count:2'> To
see guarantee and order href='http://www.fearofflying.com/store.shtml'>click
here.

style='font-family:Symbol'>· style='font-family:Arial'>The Guaranteed SOAR Audio Course on CD

All
the same information as in the video course, but in a format you can use
"on the go", commuting in your car, or downloaded to your iPod.

style='mso-tab-count:2'> To
see guarantee and order href='http://www.fearofflying.com/store.shtml'>click
here.

style='font-family:Symbol'>· style='font-family:Arial'>The Guaranteed SOAR Audio Course on MP3

The
information in the courses listed above is condensed into five hours of audio.

Includes:
'Take Me Along' audio tracks to use during the flight.

style='font-family:'Courier New'>o
Hear lessons on the web
site - or download them to your computer or iPod

style='font-family:'Courier New'>o
Download the 'Take Me
Along' audio tracks to your iPod or laptop

style='font-family:'Courier New'>o
It's like having your
own pilot sitting there with you

style='mso-tab-count:1'> I'll explain everything that is happening - as
it happens - so you will know everything is normal on the flight.

style='mso-tab-count:2'> See guarantee and order here: Read More Now!

style='font-family:Symbol'>· style='font-family:Arial'>A Counseling Session

A
session customized to your exact needs. I'm both an airline captain and a
licensed therapist. I can help you based on success with over six thousand
clients in the past twenty-five years. The fee for a twenty-minute session
covering the basics is $60.00, payable by MasterCard, Visa or American Express.
Everything can be covered in forty to sixty minutes (fee prorated to time
used).

Available
10 AM to 7 PM Eastern (New York) time. Outside the U.S. or Canada call:
203-258-4803.