Tonight Is Chat Night
Every Wednesday, SOAR hosts a chat on flight anxiety problems at http://www.fearofflying.com/chat.
Please join us. We will be on from 9 until 11 PM Eastern time.
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New York SOAR-FEST October 7th
This years New York SOAR-FEST will be at le Zie, a Venetian Trattoria located in the heart of Chelsea.
What Is A SOAR-FEST?
It is just an opportunity for anyone interested in flight anxiety problems and solutions to get together for drinks and dinner. Some like to share their personal stores about flying. Some like to just enjoy being together.
You don't have to be in the SOAR program. It is a very special discovery to find out that there really are other people who feel the way you do about flying, and to find what great, imaginative, and intelligent people they are (just like you, right?).
Dinner is at 7:00 PM. There is a bar -- a quiet one -- not like the noisy one at the restaurant we used last year. If you can, meet us at the bar at any time between 5:30 PM and 7:00 PM.
At le Zie, we will have a really private dining room upstairs, separate from the main part of the restaurant. The atmosphere is one of being in a wine cellar.
The price: $58.00 total per person (includes service and taxes). Wine or cocktails in the bar or during dinner are not included.
The room accommodates 24 people comfortably at one large table. If this is important to you, please reserve now to avoid missing out, as the space is limited.
The Menu
- Appetizer:
- Mesclun Salad with Lemon and Extra Virgin Olive Oil or
- Tricolor Salad with Sauteed Shitake and Apple Wood Smoked Bacon, White Wine Vinegar Dressing and Shaved Ricotta.
- Homemade Tortelli filled with Ricotta and Spinach with Asparagus Butter and Sage
- Linguini with Clams, Garlic and Olive Oil
- Baked Salmon with Horseradish Crust with Sauteed Spinach
- Chicken Porchetta roasted with Rosemary, Oregano, and Fennel Seeds, served with Mashed Potatoes
- Tiramisu or
- Panna Cotta with Fresh Strawberry
- choice of:
Entree:
- choice of:
Desert
- choice of:
Coffee or Selection of Teas
Cancellation: if you need to cancel, please call me (877) 332-7359 at least by Tuesday October 3rd. Cancellations after Tuesday can not be refunded unless we are able to find someone to take your place.
There are several parking garages in the area. Free parking on the side streets is usually available after 6:00 PM. Please read the parking signs carefully.
How To Sign Up For The New York SOAR-FEST
Just go to: http://www.autopilotriches.com/app/javanof.asp?MerchantID=60171&ProductID=3169231
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A Great Email From 'Down Under'
Hi Captain Tom,
Just another thank you note after my best long haul flight ever! My hubby, sister and I have recently returned from a three week visit to the UK, France and Spain, and despite the fact that I'm still not able to sleep even during the 12 hours from Hong Kong to Heathrow, I had no problems whatsoever with anxiety before or during the flights.
I used my 'meet the captain' letter (thank you !) on the very first (Melbourne to Hong Kong) leg only, and the flight attendant had barely opened her mouth to tell me the captain was busy at the moment when he emerged from the cockpit (I was in the first row in business class, right behind him !) and introduced himself. He assured me that I would be well taken care of during the flight, and sure enough, the flight attendant came to me several times to ask if everything was going OK. Well, I was able to tell her in all honesty that I was perfectly fine, and in fact, I almost felt embarrassed to have claimed to be a fearful flyer !
I watched several in-flight movies and spent some time solving Sudoku puzzles, and didn't feel claustrophobic at all either. We had about an hour and a half in Hong Kong before boarding for Heathrow, and by then I had decided not to worry about asking to meet the captain this time. There were a few potholes on the way, and several times the seat belt sign came on and the captain asked the crew to take their seats, but even then, I wasn't concerned.
After a little more than two weeks travelling around the UK, we undertook the previously unthinkable (for me, anyway) and did the chunnel crossing from Ashford to Paris. This was where I expected my claustrophobia to kick in bigtime, but even when the nice English gentleman sitting opposite me related his tale of having once been on a crossing where the train broke down half way and everyone had to be transferred to the other tunnel, I still had no anxiety at all. I know that's nothing to do with flying, but the thought of being under the ocean had previously been equally terrifying to me.
After two days in Paris we flew to Alicante via Barcelona, this time in economy class, and other than noticing the enormous difference in physical comfort, again, all went well. Likewise, the return trip from Alicante to Heathrow three days later, and then the next morning, the long haul back to Hong Kong and then on to Melbourne... not a problem ! Oh, and I even let my sister have the window seat from Heathrow to Hong Kong... 12 hours without being able to look outside properly... quite an achievement for me!
So, once again I'm writing to say thanks, because without you, I would still be grounded ! I'm working on a 'travelogue' of sorts, and have so far uploaded ten pages of photos, so if you would like to take a look, the first page is at http://www.imagitinations.com/July2006Trip/July06-01.html.
Many thanks, and have a great day!
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The Boston Incident
I was asked to write about the incident in which a United Airlines flight diverted to Boston and had a woman passenger arrested. She was apparently having problems with anxiety. The fact that she was arrested has caused a great deal of distress. It is easy to worry that your own anxiety attack could land you in big trouble. With the Strengthening Exercise, that won't happen.
Think of a strand of cultured pearls. When they are strung, a knot is placed between each pearl. If the strand breaks, only one pearl comes loose. That is not the case with inexpensive beads which are strung without knots; if the strand breaks, beads could go flying all over the place.
Once you have learned and practiced the Strengthening Exercise, it is like your 'pearls' (your thoughts and worries about flying) have had a knot placed between each of them. If you 'break the strand' and have anxiety, it is only about one of your pearls, just one thought. Not enough to cause panic. Not enough to cause you to go running up and down the aisle screaming 'let me off this thing!'
But the worry persists. For example, consider this email. 'I always have this fear that I will loose control on the plane. I never do and always seem to be able to calm myself down.'
'This week I heard about a flight that had to be grounded because a woman had a panic attack in mid-flight, This scared me, I thought to myself, what if I did that and they had to land the plane because of me, I would be mortified!!!. Even though deep down I know I would never do that, the fear of it still plagues me.'
There is always the fear that if we don't maintain control, disaster could happen. And the reason for that fear is . . . it did happen. It happened to us in childhood. It happened when we were vulnerable and dependent upon others. Instead of responding to us with empathy, terrible things happened. So what is to prevent a replay if we are so foolish as to place ourselves in a vulnerable position, where we are not in control, and are dependent upon others. Yes, if they are empathic, fine. But who can guarantee that?
When I was in fourth grade, we went to a field trip to the State Penitentiary in Raleigh, North Carolina. They showed us the gas chamber. This is where 'they' killed people who could not keep their feelings and their behavior under control.
I've never forgotten that trip. It was while viewing the death chamber that I became sure there was no way I would be able to escape it. I would someday find myself there, in that chair, strapped to it. Would they have to force me? Would I fight? Or would I resign myself, and cooperate, gently allowing myself to comply with the death 'they' imposed.
And what would it be like to see them watch from the other side of the glass as I, in otherwise isolation, watched them see me killed. See: http://gallerydriver.com/Art/24GasChamber.gif.
As I think about it, the State Prison in Raleigh was not far from Dix Hills. Dix Hills was a hospital for the mentally ill, named for Dorothea Dix, the Union's Superintendent of Nurses during the Civil War, and an activitist for benign treatment of the mentally ill. See:
http://www.dhhs.state.nc.us/mhddsas/DIX/.
For uncontrolled behavior, there was the prison. For uncontrolled feelings, there was Dix Hills. What every child needs when the mind is developing is to know that when things go wrong it is not the end of the world; you will not be abandoned; you will not be unloved. Unfortunately, many of us got a different message. And what bothers us when we learn that a person, unable to control their feelings and their behavior, has been arrested, or, in the Miami episode, shot? The answer is the, flash back to feelings of total abandonment in certain childhood moments.
At home we feel safe. But if we leave home, 'they' are in control. It is as if we step from safety into a Stephen King world where nothing is within our control, and terrible things happen from any number of places, . . . because . . . we can't find control.
What happened on that flight? Did the person lose control of her feelings and her behavior? Yes. She became, as 'they' say, 'irrational'. But was the behavior of the crew rational? It depends.
Enter The One Percent Doctrine
Consider the new book by Pulitzer Prize winner Ron Suskind, 'The One Percent Doctrine'. Suskind quotes the Vice President. 'If there's even a 1% chance that WMDs have been given to terrorists, we need to treat it as a certainty, not in our analysis or the preponderance of evidence,but in our response.'
What might I think with my doorbell rings. There is a 99% chance it is the postman, UPS, or some other person who poses no risk. But at the same time, there is a 1% chance that the person presents a real risk to me. Therefore, is it rational -- instead of opening the door and finding out who is there -- to shoot the person through the door? The one percent doctrine may say it is. It has to do, apparently, with how unthinkable the results would be in the one percent situation. If the results are completely unthinkable, the end seems to justify the means.
Others, people who are basically secure and who feel safe in the world, would act based on the 99% doctrine, and just open the door without even looking, based on probability. A person attached to the one percent doctrine person would think that foolish. Perhaps it is foolish to be unreasonably trusting. But there is still another way.
Some would reject both of the above and would think it reasonable -- instead of acting based on probabilities and possibilities -- to look through the window, learn who the person is, and act based on knowledge rather than possibility.
Both the one percent doctrine people and the overly trusting people are basing their actions of projection. They project onto others their own character.
So whether or not you think the crew acted rationally may depend upon your 'doctrine'. Do you subscribe to the One Percent Doctrine? Do you subscribe to the Ninety-nine Percent Doctrine? Or do you subscribe to the 'Verify And Act Accordingly Doctrine?
Based on, as Patrick Smith has said that these newest security measures has 'spring-loading us to act like fools', a crew member who has thus been spring-loaded to act as a fool will consider his or her behavior completely rational. There was a one percent chance, right?
A Stephen King World
Why could this crew not recognize the woman was no threat to the plane? Was it the One Percent Doctrine? When a person lives in a One Percent Doctine world, terrors are everywhere. 'Spring-loaded to act like fools', when this crew left the security of their homes and went to the airport, they knowingly or unknowingly had stepped into a Stephen King world of myriad dangers. They were spring-loaded to control and maintain control. And they were hyper-alert to regard anything that moved out of their control as a WMD threat to bring under control.
Control, Control, Control
Does this begin to paint a picture? When an empathic connection with those who are in control does not exist, the only safety is to possess the control yourself. To be safe from being arrested, one must control ones behavior. To be safe from being institutionalized, one must control ones feelings. Or so it seems.
What we now know is that attempts to control feelings, and to not share them with some caring and understanding person, can simply be like charging things to your credit card and not paying. Sooner or later, there will be a problem that can't be controlled. The problem could be emotional. Being out of control emotionally could lead to Dix Hills. Or the problem could be behavioral. Being out of control behaviorally could lead to the State Penitentiary.
The Terror Of Being On The Other Side Of The Glass
Some of us have lived our lives, 'as if' on the other side of the glass . . . from 'them': the people who have no understanding of our feelings; the people who demand that we control our feelings, and our behavior, or else.
Back To Boston
Unable to control her feelings and her behavior, 'or else' happened aboard that flight, and has continued since that flight.
Do You Need To Worry?
It is not unusual to have thoughts or feelings that you might suddenly find yourself out of control, running down the aisle, screaming, 'Let me off this thing.' Some have had fantasies of opening the door. That gets taken care of easily. The door won't open. The pressurization inside the plane is approximately seven pounds per square inch at cruise. Consider a door may be seven feet by four feet. That's 4032 square inches. Multiply that times seven (pounds per square inch) and you get 28,224 pounds of pressure holding that door against the opening. If Bruce Banner had a panic attack which transformed him into the Incredible Hulk, he still couldn't open it.
The problem of embarrassment about being out of control remains. And now, the concern that 'they' might not understand. To put it mildly, there might NOT be an empathic connection between you and the flight attendant or you and the sky marshall.
You Can And Will Maintain Control . . . And Do So Naturally
We have not had anyone who has learned and properly practiced the Strengthening Exercise who has had a panic attack on the plane.
When you consider how simple this exercise is, it is amazing that it is so effective. The reason something so simple can give such amazing results is this: it taps into THE basic way that every infant is genetically encoded to be comforted: empathic connectedness. And fortunately, nature bestows a natural ability to connect empathetically enough with the infant.
Unfortunately, this ability of the mother to connect empathetically does not always last long enough to provide us, as adults, with all the inner emotional strength we need.
But the Strengthening Exercise provides the necessary repair to fly without having a problem due to high anxiety or due to panic. In the Exercise, we simply find one of the moments in your life when there was a feeling of being connected. We hold on to that moment so as to hold on to that feeling. We don't leave that moment. We don't leave that feeling. But we bring to that moment a specially weakened awareness of a flight situation, and then return our focus to the feeling of being connected. This has the effect of completely wrapping the flying thought with the feeling of being connected.
Think of going to the drug store for aspirin. You will find uncoated aspirin and coated aspirin. Some people find uncoated aspirin upsets their stomach, but coated aspirin does not.
Likewise, you may find that an 'uncoated' flying thought upsets you emotionally. What you will learn is a 'coated' flying thought -- one coated on all sides with a feeling of connectedness -- will not cause emotional upset as it comes to mind.
Once we coat each and every one your flying thoughts, flying doesn't cause a problem.
Let's close this discussion with a quote from Dorothea Dix.
'Society, during the last hundred years, has been alternately perplexed and encouraged, respecting the two great questions -- how shall the criminal and pauper be disposed of, in order to reduce crime and reform the criminal on the one hand, and, on the other, to diminish pauperism and restore the pauper to useful citizenship?'
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SOAR Works
- SOAR is not just another fear of flying program offering relaxation and reassurance
- SOAR is advanced help and succeeds with the most extreme cases of flight anxiety
- SOAR was developed through twenty-five years of research, study, and experience
Which Way Fits You Best?
- The Guaranteed SOAR Video Course on DVD
- Learn the cause and how to fix it in 'Psychology of Flight Anxiety'
- Understand amazing backup systems that make flying safe in 'How Flying Works'
- Get automatic control of the feelings when you fly with 'Control of Anxiety'
- Take a virtual test flight of your new skills in 'At The Airport'
- A Counseling Session
Complete and comprehensive. Ten DVDs (appx. ten hours). View it on the internet as soon as you place your order. Your DVDs are shipped to your door by FEDEX or Priority Mail.
See guarantee and order at: http://www.fearofflying.com/store.shtml.
A session customized to your exact needs. I'm both an airline captain and a licensed therapist. It is my specialty to work with the most difficult cases.
Even if your difficulty is extreme, I'm sure I can help. Please call so we can talk it over. This confidence is based on my success with over six-thousand clients in the past twenty-five years. The fee for a twenty-minute session covering the basics is $60.00, payable by MasterCard, Visa or American Express. Everything can be covered in forty to sixty minutes (fee prorated to time used).
Available 10 AM to 7 PM Eastern (New York) time. Outside the U.S. or Canada call: 203-258-4803.
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Not Ready To Order The Entire Program?
At least learn the Strengthening Exercise. It is fairly complex, but 'The Control of Anxiety' video will lead you through your practice sessions step-by-step.
For automatic control of anxiety, one thirty-minute practice session daily for a week is ideal. If time is short, don't wait. Just two or three practice sessions can make a huge difference in how you feel when you fly.
What Do You Get In 'The Control Of Anxiety' DVDs?
This set of four DVDs includes three complete counseling sessions with three volunteer clients. It answers their questions about flying, about turbulence, and teaches them The 'Strengthening Exercise' which provides automatic control of high anxiety and panic.
Then the fourth DVD leads you through the practice sessions of the Strengthening Exercise so it works automatically. When it works automatically, it stops high anxiety and panic before either can start.
Order 'The Control of Anxiety' at: http://www.fearofflying.com/store.shtml.
http://www.misoapbox.com/2006/08/i_believe_i_can.html.
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Is Time Short? Don't Wait. Just call . . .
There is still time to make a HUGE difference in how you feel when you fly. We have everything you need to deal with flying.
- Get the help you need
- Call me on my cell phone toll free at 877-332-7359
- There is no charge to talk over the situation and learn what can be done.
Available 10 AM until 7 PM Eastern time.