CONTROLLING AWARENESS

Last week, someone emailed about how he compulsively must check
and recheck things.

This may be a fear of becoming aware of something. What might that
something be?

We don't want to know. To know it would be disturbing, so we try not
to know, and consume our waking moments with activity to keep the
mind off balance. We keep the mind fogged so we don't let what we
don't want to be aware of into awareness, and yet are stay afraid it
will come into awareness. That fear keeps the mind preoccupied, so
it should come as no surprise that we are not sure enough whether
we did turn off the lights or did lock the door, and feel the need to
check again . . . and possibly again.

We simply cannot afford to let the mental chips fall where they may.
We must stay in control. We must stay in control. We must stay in
control . . . . . . .

Of what? Of what we are aware of. We stay in control of consciousness
so we are NOT aware of that which we must not be aware of.

When a therapist takes on a client who has this going on, the client may
say s/he wants to have this stop. But it isn't true. If this were to stop,
something would enter the mind - perhaps - which must not be allowed
to enter the mind.

How would you like to fly with a pilot who is afraid s/he might look out
the windshield and see the plane is running into something, and thus
to avoid seeing that, puts a television set up there so it blocks the
windshield.

That way the pilot can watch his/her favorite soap operas or cartoons
instead of watching where the plane is going.

You wouldn't ride with a pilot of a plane doing that, but that - it seems to
me - is what this behavior means in terms of piloting ones own life . . .
making sure awareness is controlled because something might enter
awareness that is disturbing.

So when a therapist takes on such a client, the dance goes on. The
therapist knows the client is HIGHLY defended, and maintains massive
control on what is allowed into awareness. It is the therapist's job to
- though the client will do everything covertly possible to defeat it -
causing the client to see that which the client is dedicated to no seeing.

So why is there anxiety? The anxiety is, that the smoke screen may
fail and that which one tries to keep out of awareness may intrude.

We all have a sort of internal Pandora's Box in which we store the
experiences, thoughts, emotions which are so awful that we hide them
there to keep them out of awareness.

Anxiety is worry that the box may open.

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A RECOMMENDATION

Hi Tom,
 
I just wanted you to know that the Video "At the Airport" was great!  I
cannot explain how excited I was while watching it. I felt like I was in
that plane. It was awesome! You were great. That lady was so lucky
having you beside her telling her everything that was going to happen
and it was great!  My husband thought it was really neat and of course
he loves to fly and he is so supported of your program and is really
helping me thru this. He doesn't push me to fly and said he knows I
can do it and will be right there with me. We are flying to Denver on
March 23rd . . . on Frontier Airlines. . . . My son always fly on Frontier
and he really likes it.
 
The message board is so helpful for me too. I hope people will put
more pictures out there of their flight. 
 
Again, thank you so much for all the support you give and the video's.
I want to try and get another one since I still am nervous. I know it's
normal but the more I know the better I will feel. I thought about taking
the video with me on the flight and watching it.
 
Thanks!

-----

Tom's Note On This Email

The lady beside me on the video did benefit from having all these
things explained, but anyone watching the video now will get the
same understanding.

I also want everyone to know that the video was shot before the
Strengthening Exercise was developed. This exercises is something
you build "inside" through a few practice sessions. Though to have
a pilot next to you provides some calming, the calming a person can
get from what is built "inside" by the Strengthening Exercise is quite
a lot more effective than having a pilot sit next to you.

Why? Because the pilot can only react to reassure you. What is built
"inside" stops anxiety before it starts. It is better to have no anxiety to
start with than to have anxiety and then be reassured.

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MIXING MEDS AND ALCOHOL

Last week, I received an email saying, "I want to go places and see
things and not be loaded with Xanax and alcohol do get it done." It is
DANGEROUS to mix Xanax and alcohol. Sure, people get away with
it on the ground, but a small amount of Xanax and a small amount of
alcohol together can be fatal. The combination inhibits the system
that regulates breathing.

==========

Statistics don't help. Statistics say something like there is a one chance
in so many million flights, and so you shouldn't worry. But how do you
know you are not going to be that one in several million!

The fact is your don't. So what do you do about that anxiety? We can't
seem to be satisfied with anything less than absolute safety. Since
absolute safety doesn't exist, we try to fool ourselves. For example, in
driving, we are OK because we fool ourselves that we are in control.
We have the wheel in hand. If someone comes at us, we turn the
wheel and get out of the way. That feeling of control lets us ignore the
fact that sometimes a trailer-truck or a guardrail blocks the escape path.

But on the plane, since we KNOW we don't have control. We can't fool
ourselves, and every little things sets us off. Though the plane is safer,
it doesn't feel safer because we can't fool ourselves on the plane like
we can on the ground.

There is a way to deal with this, and to be able to feel safe when flying.
After all, we should, because it is vastly safer than driving.

When you are ready, we can fix it.

Go to: http://www.fearofflying.com/store.shtml

There are recommendations there, but I'm more than happen to talk
with you about how much help you will need and the best way to get it.

I'm at 877 332-7359 or 203 258-4803.
Please call between 10 AM and 7 PM Eastern time.

Or email me at: tom@fearofflying.com

==========

IT'S CHAT NIGHT, SO THIS MUST BE WEDNESDAY . . .

It's great to find out you are not the only person who feels this way.

It is a huge relief to find out there are solid answers for this problem,
even if you might qualify as having the worst case of flight anxiety in
the world.

Please join us at www.fearofflying.com/chat between 9 and 11 PM
Eastern time. Make up something to call yourself (for privacy) and
see what others have to say, and if you feel like having a few words,
just join in.

==========

WANT TO TRAVEL SOMEPLACE WARM?

Start now and the results you get will be solidly in place for your trip. We
get good results in just a few days, but excellent results when you have a
couple of weeks to practice the exercises that provides automatic control
of high anxiety and makes panic impossible.

To get started, please just go to:

http://www.fearofflying.com/store.shtml

For almost everyone, the best set of DVDs to get started with is 'The Control
of Anxiety'. If you would like to talk it over first to be sure what is right for you
please call me at 877 332-7359 or 203 258-4803. I'm available from 10 AM
until 7 PM Eastern (same as New York) time.

==========

LAST MINUTE HELP IS ALWAYS AVAILABLE

Even if you are flying TODAY (!!!) we can provide a lot of help. Don't risk not
being able to take the flight.

Just call. It will help. 877 332-7359 or 203 258-4803. Available 10 AM until
7 PM Eastern (same as New York) time.