THIS IS A WONDERFUL AND BEAUTIFULLY WRITTEN
STORY THAT IS AN INSPIRATION TO ALL OF US

Dear Capt. Tom,

I am proud to say that flying is fun again! I hadn't flown
in ten years. All that changed when I found your website.
The DVDs and counseling session along with my letter of
introduction was all I needed and an answer to my prayers.

I was recently looking for part-time work and some friends
gave my name to a man who lives in an Airport Community.
(The kind where the runway goes by each resident's house.)
This person approached me about work and asked to come
in for a job interview.

Up until about a week prior I was convinced that I could
fly on a jet but that I would never fly on a small prop
plane ever again.

Well, on the way to the job interview I stopped and bought
a camera and decided that live or die I was going to fly
this day if asked. The interview concluded with him asking,
'So you wanna' go up?'

I said: 'Yes.' I told him of my anxiety and the bad
experience I had on a small prop plane in the past.

Without notice the pilot I was with turned into the Red Baron
in the sky- he thought it was funny, I was traumatized.

Before we flew he sat me down in the passenger side and gave
me a headset that would both muffle the sound and allow us
to talk to one another without yelling.

Down the runway we went and we were in the air in an instant.
I felt like I was dreaming. The program kicked in instantly as
I was now just chugging along in jell o over West Texas. I had
my camera and took many pictures. I felt like I was dreaming.
I was so happy that I became tired and felt sleepy while still
in the air.

I now faced a new challenge. My first Commercial Flight was
about to take place and so I watched the DVDs and thought
about our counseling session until my day of flight.

Two days prior to my flight a C-130 went down in Afghani-
stan. I reminded myself that these sort of things happen in
war zones. I was able to move on.

The night before my flight the wind was blowing unusually
hard here in West Texas. I thought about my flight in that
wind but the wind abated and I focused on the program. I
actually slept very little the night before my flight as I
was afraid that during sleep I would lose this new found
courage and not be able to get into my taxi at 4:00 am.

My taxi arrived and I was in it and on my way to the airport
with no problem at all.

--- NOTE: Using The Strengthening Exercise Imagery ---

I had my picture in my mind. It was of my Best Friend
singing Imagine by John Lennon. He was in the Coffee Shop
at the piano. His wife was at the table with me along with
their children who were coloring.

--- NOTE: Did Not Need The Back-up (5,4,3,2,1) Exercise ---

No anxiety, no need for 5,4,3,2,1. I was happy, relaxed and
life was good. I felt safe.

Upon arrival I gave my letter to the baggage check-in
person. He said :'No problem.' I sat in the waiting area
talking to those whom I would fly with and there was still
no need for 5,4,3,2,1. I walked down the tunnel and gave
my letter to the flight attendant. She in turn gave it to
the Capt. He introduced himself, gave me a confident smile
and a strong handshake.

You were right Capt. Tom. I turned and walked down the
aircraft to my seat just in front of the wing. It was
an aisle seat. I listened to my CD player and had as a
backup your DVD course with a player in the bin. I
didn't hear the door close. I sat there as the engines
wound up and felt the tiniest little bit of adrenaline.
We were off and once in the air I wondered what in
the world I was ever afraid of. I was having a great
time.

I landed in Houston and changed planes for my trip to
Harlingen, Texas. My second flight was about 45 minutes
and a little bumpy but as we all know. Turbulence is
nothing more than speed bumps in the Jello. I went
deep sea fishing in the Gulf of Mexico and visited Mexico
itself. However, my return would test your program.

My return flight was delayed. I arrived in Houston in
just enough time to miss my flight back home. (It
was all weather related delays.) The last flight home
from Houston was canceled because the crew coming
from Pittsburgh was out of hours. No problem, we all
want the pilot to be well rested. I met a man from
Germany going to my town who was also stuck in the
airport. Helping others does assuage our own anxiety.

My friend from Germany and I stayed in a Hotel together
that night. We returned to the airport and was on standby
the whole day. We was given a confirmed seat at 9:00 pm.

I bought my new friend his first beer in America. While
sitting at the bar a news alert came on. It was the
plane that just left our pod. They were on their way
to Oklahoma City and a landing gear light came on.
No problem. When things happen like this there is no
need to panic. They simply circled while the engineers
on the ground made decisions. I suppose all went well
as that was the last I heard about the incident.

Well, 9:00 pm arrived and it was time for my 4th and
last flight home. No electronics, no anxiety. I did have
a new friend from Germany with me that I was helping.
I kept a peaceful steadfast gaze out of my window all
the way home. The city lights of Houston are beautiful
at night. I said a thankful prayer to God for Capt. Tom.

I felt an inner peace as never before. So anyhow, I
will be here in West Texas at my new job building
Ground Power Units for airplanes and flying with my
new boss every chance I get.

Oh, did I tell you how much I love to fly?

Life is great.................................

=========

SHE ENROLLED IN THE SOAR COURSE AS A LAST RESORT

Dear Capt. Tom.........

Wow! I did it! And....furthermore....I actually
liked it!!!! I want you to know how very grateful
I am for all the support and help from the SOAR
DVDs and the chat on Wednesday nights and the email
messages! I worked hard at it, for weeks, but it all
paid off in the end!

Last Sunday I very calmly got on a United- 50 passen-
ger -Embraer to Dulles. I figure that was the true test.
If I didn't have claustrophobia (or any of the other
anxiety that I thought I would have), I'd be o.k.

Well, I was just fine. I did get to meet the captain
and, oh, guess what even happened? They couldn't get
the door of the plane to close but, again, I was just
fine. I knew that the pilots and the rest of the crew
would never fly the plane if it weren't safe....so....
I just relaxed until it was fixed. Another really
wonderful thing happened....a pilot was sitting right
behind me (hopping a ride to Dulles)! Was that great
or what ! So, we took off! I remembered everything
that you said on the DVDs....and mostly the part about
'jell o' .....and did just fine. I even looked out
the window a few times!! The connecting flight to
Orlando was on a larger plane, a United flight with
earphones at every seat. I was able to hear the capt.
talking to the air traffic controller all the way down
to Orlando! It was so great!!

What I found amazing, Capt. Tom, was that I didn't
actually have to do any of the 'exercises' that I had
practiced so faithfully.

But....something had to have worked because I flew like
a pro and loved it! On the flight home, a direct US
Air flight (with no earphones) to Albany, I even slept
for a while. Imagine that!! There was more turbulence
on this flight, but the captain spoke often and I was
amazingly calm.....understanding what turbulence was
and that we were in no danger!

I can't begin to find the words to thank you for this
course. I was in such terrible shape, mentally, for
this trip and as a last resort decided to try the SOAR
program. I'm SO glad I did. I have conquered a fear
that I have had for many many years and now I feel
that I am.....I don't know.....'free' is a good word!
Amazing what we can still accomplish....even at 63!

Many thanks again...

==========

WHERE DO ANXIETY AND PANIC COME FROM?

The autonomic nervous system that regulates emotions
has two parts: one is totally mature at birth, and the
other part only starts to physically develop at around
ten months of age.

The part that is totally mature at birth is the part of
the system that 'upregulates', that 'revs' you up, that
makes you more aroused, more excited, or more afraid
. . . but in any case, whatever the emotion, more.

The part that starts to physically develop at age ten
months is the part that 'downregulates', that slows you
down, that calms you, that lets you go to sleep at night.

Since this second part only PHYSICALLY starts to develop
at ten months, it is not innate in its operation. The
child must learn to make that part of the brain work.

But let's go back. For the first year of life, it is
the mother's job to 'upregulate' the child, to stimulate
the child, to make responsive sounds, to excite the child,
AND to calm the child when the child gets overstimulated
or gets upset.

The child has zero ability to do it on its own (at least
in a healthy way; there is a destructive way the child
can, but that is complex). So it is the mother's job to
regulate emotions.

We can easily understand how the mother 'upregulates' or
stimulates the infant, but how does she 'downregulate' or
calm the infant?

Essentially, it is like magic. When the child's right
prefrontal orbito cortex (the part of the brain that
develops to regulate emotion) 'lights up' (when the
brain is viewed on a PET scan) (to show the child is
upset) the mother who is tuned in and who naturally
(because her mother gave her this kind of response when
she was an infant) will respond by having her right
prefrontal orbito cortex 'light up' (on the PET scan).

The child senses that the mother 'got the message' that
s/he is upset, and the very fact that the mother got
the message, lets the child calm down.

This is cutting edge stuff. There is a lecture in NY
May 7th on this. If you want to attend, let me know.

This was simply not known just a few years ago, and
even though it is now being investigated, there is a
lot we don't yet know. But this response that auto-
magically calms the child is now being called
'emotional resonance.'

This emotional resonance helps the frontal cortex
develop. If the child gets too upset and mom does
'resonate' with the child's upset (because she is
attuned, not emotionally available, not trained by her
own mother, or is in a home where there is violence,
or whatever that keeps it from working), instead of
growing, the frontal cortex actually shrinks!!!

Shocking, but children who are not resonated with have
smaller brains; part of the brain simply does not grow
and these children, as adults, have life-long difficulty
with anxiety and depression.

This is in part because mental stimulation is required to
cause blood to flow to the regulating part of the brain so
it will grow.

And it is in part because, when the mother fails to
resonate, if the child continues to get more and more
'upregulated', finally the child cannot endure this state,
and cortesols are released into the part of the brain that
is supposed to provide regulation and 'zaps' the brain cells
involved. Brain cells are actually destroyed. (This is the
unhealthy way to 'downregulate' I mentioned earlier.)

Without suitable stimulation and calming, that part of
the brain that is responsible for regulating emotion
does not physically develop.

But even if there is physical development, the child
still has to learn to use what is physically developed.
How? By making a movie in the mind of what mom does to
calm him/her. The movie can only be made if what mom
does is simple, and repeated consistently . . . and
works to provide calming. If mom gets upset when the
child is upset, research shows - unfortunately - the
child would be better off alone. But even so, for this
'movie' to be recorded, mom has to be consistent and
effective. Then, when mom is not present and the child
needs soothing, s/he remember what mom does by having
this memory playback and it serves to soothe the child
in the mother's absence.

This is how mom gets 'built in.'

So, when it is time to go to kindergarten, the child
can say, 'Don't worry, Mom, if I get upset, I have you
built inside, and I'll just run that movie of what you
do when I get upset and I'll be fine.'

But if that building in of mom has not happened, the
child could say, 'Mom, I don't have you built inside,
so you have to go with me, because if I get upset,
there is nothing I can do to calm myself.' Here the
child has the physical development of the prefrontal
cortex but doesn't know how to employ it.

It is this way: mom has to be either built INSIDE the
child or has to be BESIDE the child for the child to
feel secure. And because mom cannot always be beside
the child, there can be little emotional grown and
development unless or until mom - or someone - is built
inside.

What we do in SOAR is to help adults build or rebuild
something inside by connecting every moment of the flight
with some soothing experience they have actually had with
another person. It needs to be a person because we are
wired up at birth to connect and be soothed by people.

So, each of us gets in those first two years of life,
first soothing and stimulation (in the first year) and
then in the second year - once the child has some
internal ability to calm him/herself, prohibition.

Seventy percent of the interactions between mom and the
child in the second year are to say 'NO.' Very different
than the first year. But if the child has not developed the
ability to calm him/herself, it can't handle 'NO.'

And the ability to self-regulate emotions just doesn't take
place. Without the ability to self-regulate, the child cannot
develop the ability to function autonomously, and must cling
to others, or be obsessed with control.

The human child does have emotions; there is no way around it.
But when the child has emotions and mom is not attuned to the
child, the mom cannot assure the child that the emotion is
normal, cannot assure the child that the emotion is OK to have.

In fact, mothers all too frequently tell children that they are
not feeling anything (that should upset them) or that what the
child describes is 'nothing'.

As a result, emotions do not become 'user friendly'. Emotions
are alien. Emotions are dangerous to have. The child comes to
think of feelings as something that comes from 'outside' and that
is threatening.

For example, let's take something more concrete than a subjective
feelings; let's say a child has an itch, and tells mom about the
feeling. Let's also assume that the child has never experienced
this before and has no word for it. And let's say the child tries
to tell the mother about this experience (which all of us call an
'itch'.) Suppose the mom says, 'That's a 'witch' that's causing
that, something evil, and awful and invisible witch is touching
you there.'

This may be an absurd example - to call an itch a witch, because
since this is a concrete feelings, sooner or later the child will
find out mom is nuts. But when this kind of thing happens with
'subjective' experience, experience which is harder to describe,
and mom does not take to it well, that feeling can become alien
and threatening.

And emotions which become foreign can become threatening. They
seem to originate from some source that is 'other', not from
ones own self.

Before thinking how crazy a schizophrenic is, consider this.
Where do words come from? I don't know. Do you? Don't they
just come to mind? But wait. Where do they - before they land
in the mind - come from? Is the source INSIDE me or OUTSIDE me.

Really, it is kind of amazing that we all assume that words are
our own. It is kind of amazing that - since we don't know where
they come from or how they are formed - that we assume they are
our own and not coming from someone broadcasting them into us, or
inserting them into our mind. That is what a schizophrenic does
think. Someone ELSE is controlling his mind by inserting these
words.

Just as a schizophrenic who 'hears voices' is frightened by
them because the schizophrenic mistakenly believes his own
words are from coming from outside him/her self, a person
who has not learned to be 'user friendly' with emotions finds
emotions threatening and frightening because s/he mistakenly
believes these feelings are caused by something other than
himself or herself!

They feel 'attacked' by feelings. They are easily overwhelmed
by an amount of feelings that others would not have any problem
with.

In fear of flying, people feel 'attacked' by feelings
which are - in reality - their own feelings.

In fear of flying, people feel 'attacked' by feelings as
if they are caused outside, when they are - in reality -
caused by the person who fails to realize that fact.

A dog would not chase its own tail if it realized it was
its own.

We would not fear the feelings that come when flying - or
in a panic attack - if we had learned early on that feelings
belong . . . that feelings are informative.

Just like an itch, feelings are supposed to be there to tell
us something. An itch tells us when and where to scratch.

Fear, like an itch, tells us to 'look out'. The German word
for 'look out' is 'vorsicht' which means 'have foresight'.

When we have fear, we are not supposed to simply have a knee-
jerk reaction, but to 'look outside' and have some 'foresight'
about what may be happening or what may be about to happen and
use the responding ability of the mind - not just the reactive
amigdyla.

Why is it so many are unable to use the responding mind instead
of just reacting using the amygdala. It is because, as very
young children, we learned - incorrectly - that feelings are
alien and thus dangerous.

What we need to do to change how flying feels is to assign a
value to each moment of the flight experience which lets those
feelings become 'user friendly.'

We do that with the 'Strengthening Exercise.'

That is why we succeed where others fail.

No matter what you have tried - or how hard you have tried - we
do have the answer. If you are ready to get effective help
with this, please go to:

http://www.fearofflying.com/store_content.htm

and order the SOAR Video Course on DVD. If you believe you
have a hard core case, order the entire set. If you believe
you need moderate help, order just 'The Control of Anxiety.'

Get started. We are always here to help. When you call
877 332-7359 you will reach me on the cell phone.

If you would feel better to talk it over with me before you
place your order, please call me: 877 332-7359.

As soon as you place your order, you will be able to watch your
selections online. Your DVDs will be shipped as you specify.

==========

YOU CAN ALSO CALL LISA WHO UNDERSTANDS IT FROM BOTH SIDES

Lisa is a former terrified flier and she understands from
personal experience what you are dealing with. She is at
800 332-7359.

We can help you be sure what to do next, and you'll feel better.

==========

IF YOU TRIED TO WATCH THE FREE VIDEO AND HAD TROUBLE

Try again. We have made some adjustments, so go to
www.fearofflying.com and click on 'free video' and have look.

==========

IMMEDIATE HELP IS AVAILABLE, EVEN AT THE LAST MINUTE

Though we can help more is you plan ahead, there are still things
we can do at the last minute to get you through the flight.

Capt. Tom Bunn MSW LCSW is both an airline captain and a licensed
therapist. Call (877) 332-7359 or (203) 258-4803

==========

ARE YOU GETTING A NEW EMAIL ADDRESS?

If so, please email me so the newsletter keeps reaching you.
Please send your old and your new address to:

tom@fearofflying.com

==========

MESSAGE BOARD ON FEAR OF FLYING

Got to www.fearofflying.com and click on the 'message board' button.

==========

YOU ARE NOT ALONE. FIND OTHERS WHO FEEL THE SAME
AS YOU DO AT OUR REGULAR WEDNESDAY NIGHT CHAT:

9 UNTIL 11 PM EASTERN TIME.

At: www.fearofflying.com

Just click on “chat”.

==========

SO FAR AS WE KNOW, THE SOAR VIDEO COURSE ON DVD
IS PRODUCING 100% SUCCESS

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