WE GET LITERALLY HUNDREDS OF EMAILS PRAISING THE
SOAR VIDEO COURSE ON DVD

SOME REALLY MAKE MY DAY - THIS IS ONE OF THEM

Tom,

I had a terrible flight 2 years ago which was followed by another terrible
light in my own plane a few months later. After these two episodes I had
post traumatic stress syndrome and was terrified of flying. I have traveled
the world for the past 15 years. I cover all of the US in my job and had to
fly. It was so bad that on a couple of flights, before I stopped flying all
together, that I would just cringe and cry the entire flight. I called you a
year ago and tried to manage my way through it. I couldn't. My fear was
so bad that just hearing a plane go over my house would make my
hands clammy and I would get shortness of breath. I felt paralyzed!

After several missed meetings and all the excuses I could use I ordered
your DVD set. You sent it to me overnight. I let it sit on the counter for
weeks insisting that I didn't need help and I could over come this thing
on my own. Just talking to our travel service would give me a pit in my
stomach. I have even driven to the airport, checked in, stood in line
and left at the last minute.

I had a trip scheduled and it was a long one - 3 hours! I took the day off
a week before the flight and went through all four DVD's. I did the
exercises, knowing all along it was useless because NO ONE was as
afraid to fly as I had become. The following days I would go through the
exercise.

The day before the flight came and I packed with no tears or depression
or fear. I drove to the airport wondering where and when the awful
feeling would hit me. It never came! I have flown more over the last 2
months than I have in the past 2 years. I thank you with every inch of
my soul for helping me! And I always dreamed of writing you and email
to tell you it worked and I am flying again!!!

Thank you Tom!

==========

DO AIRPLANES FEEL THE SAME AS WE DO?

There is a thing about us human beings. We tend to think other human
beings think like we do. Two weeks ago, I pointed out that psychopaths
don't, and we get into trouble when we believe they have feelings for
us, as we do for them.

Another mistake we can make is believing the airplane feels like we
do. Yesterday was a nasty day in the Northeast, windy, rainy, and an
anxious flier emailed me that - because of that - she didn't make it to
the airport.

To answer her, I recalled the phrase, 'like water rolling off a duck's
back'. Ducks don't mind a day like yesterday. Wind and rain don't
register with them.

And it occurred to me that we humans may think the airplane feels
the way we do. If it is a nasty, rainy, windy, cold day when we don't
want to go out into the elements, we might think the plane hates
days like that too, and might run into trouble trying to fight the elements.

We need to learn to think that the plane doesn't 'think' like we do.
I've sometimes said the plane doesn't care about turbulence . . .
as if the plane had a mind.

Well, it doesn't. At least a far as I know. But if it did, it would love the
weather we hate. Water rolls of the airplanes fuselage just like
water rolling off a duck's back. And so does wind. And so does
turbulent wind.

Maybe the plane is like a psychopath? It does have feelings like
we do. It just doesn't care.

Maybe we need to know that.

==========

I got an email from a course participant who wrote, 'Other than the
rough landing during the flight back to Chicago, where the two
stewardess fell on the floor, everything went perfect. . . . . In fact the
thing that helped the most was the fact that both stewardesses
laughed when they fell on the floor while I was starting to imagine
all kinds of unreal stuff.

-----

This brings to mind the workshop last fall with Alan Schore. He
shows us a sequence of photos in which an infant and its mother
were playing gleefully together. One of the photos shows the infant
grabbing a handful of the mother's hair. The next photo was the
infant with its arms crossed, protecting its face. The next photo is
the mother, noticing the infant's distress, plays with its feet, to
tease it back into play.

Alan said that is what people observed. He said, no one immediately
knew why the baby withdrew and protected itself. When they later
looked at the high speed photography, there were additional photos
other than the ones he originally showed us to illustrate what he an
others - including the mother - were aware of.

The additional photos show that after the infant got a handful of the
mother's hair, the infant pulled the hair. The next photo showed -
amazingly - the mother's lips raised, exposing her teeth (the mother
didn't know she did this), a universally hostile display. The next photo
is the infant with its arms crossed, for protection against the mother's
alarming display of teeth to which the infant instinctively reacted.

Alan noted that the mother responded beautifully to - in spite of
discomfort from the hair being pulled - tease the infant back into
delightful play.

He said, 'What if this had been a 'borderline' mother who - because
of having her hair pulled - either withdrew from the infant, or hit the
infant?'

With the good response, the infant learned that things can go wrong
and it is 'no big deal'. With a bad response, the infant would have
learned that when things go wrong, it is the end of the world.

Which did we learn as kids?

-----

The writer of the email had an experience a lot like that of the infant;
something we wrong, and it was - not the end of the world ('I was
starting to imagine all kinds of unreal stuff) - 'no big deal'.

==========

PATRICK'S BLOG ON SALON

Patrick ends his latest blog with a perfect summary of the situation.

Looking at things as rationally and objectively as possible, is it a riskier
bet to patronize an ailing, strike-addled carrier than a solvent and stable
one? Probably, but on such a level of statistical insignificance that it's
not worth canceling your trip or suffering undue angst. Bankruptcy is a
cause for concern; an understaffed maintenance department is a cause
for concern. To step back a column or two, the same goes for outsourcing,
counterfeit parts circulation, and the threat of young, overly aggressive
airlines that take liberties with training and operational standards. These
all are problems that need to be addressed, because they indeed render
a given airline less safe than it would be under more ideal conditions.
But -- readers stop me if you've heard this riff before -- less/ safe does
not equate to /unsafe.

You can find Patrick's blog in its entirety at:
http://www.salon.com/tech/col/smith/2005/10/28/askthepilot159/index.html

If you are not a member of Salon, just click on 'Read Salon Free Now';
a commercial will play for several seconds, and on it, 'enter salon' will
appear in small letters; click on it and then you can read Patrick's blog.
-----

Regarding that, I appeal to you to abdicate the 'black-and-white' view
(safer and unsafe). The need of certainty is an obsessional residue of
a child's view of the world. Grown ups need to learn to think in grown-
up ways, even through it leads to anxiety.

It is kind of a 'catch 22'. Difficulty with anxiety leads to 'black-and-white'
thinking, and seeing things in other than 'black-and-white' absolutes
leads to anxiety.

This is an awful, and limiting, circular mental treadmill. If you are in it,
you need to break free of it.

Nothing is absolutely safe. If you are waiting to act - and to really be
alive - until absolute safety presents itself, old age and dementia will
present itself first.

==========

WITH THAT SAID . . .

The SOAR Video Course on DVDs is for adults and people who want to
be - and think like - adults, giving up child-like wishes about how the
world is, or should be.

It is about the real world in general and flying in particular. Some have
said they learned so much about themselves and living that they were
glad they had fear of flying as a challenge because of what they had
learned in overcoming it.

Ready?

It is just a 'click' away at:

http://www.fearofflying.com/store.shtml

==========

STRENGTHENING EXERCISE

(If you are not getting these results, call; we'll fine tune it.)

Hi Tom,

I keep getting proof that the Strengthening Exercise really works. I just
got back from a 2-day business trip. I had worked with the exercise a
lot during the summer, and have been very busy, so only did a couple
of short practices before this week's trip. It must be ingrained, because
I did really well. I essentially had no anticipatory anxiety prior to the trip.
I had been busy preparing for meetings and when I drove with my co-
worker to the airport, it felt just like driving to work. Truly amazing - I
usually have some kind of anxiety on the way to the airport, even this
summer. It was only as I got on the plane that it occurred to me that I
was going to fly to work, not drive as usual. The flights were on South-
west, and we ended up getting seats in the back, which is not my
favorite location. But it was fine, and I talked with my coworker and
enjoyed the 2 45-minute flights. On the way back from Harlingen to
Austin today, we were delayed because of a large storm on the coast
of Texas. You could hardly see out the window at the airport. Normally,
I would have been in a tizzy, worried about the flight, etc. Granted, I
wasn't exactly excited about the thought of flying in bad weather, I
realized we still had an hour to flight time, and that the storm could
blow over by then. Not to worry. Plus, we would only fly when safe.
Sure enough, our plane was late arriving due to wind and lightening,
and it finally arrived safely. We boarded the plane (I got in row 3 this
time!) and the Captain greeted us as we boarded. I asked him what to
expect from the flight - he said a few bumps on climb out and then
smooth as we got to Austin during the one-hour flight. The bumps
were hardly anything to bat an eye at, and we had very mild chop
most of the way. He kept having the flight attendants sit down, which
did make me a little anxious, but he just seemed to be cautious,
because even I could have served a beverage without spilling in the
few bumps we had. So, I was proud of not having a great deal of
anticipatory anxiety, and just dealing with the flight as it occurred.
We flew through several cloud layers and did have bumps, but I
really did feel pretty good - not relaxed, but not a mess in any way.

So, thanks! Such a trip would not have been possible for me, in that
relaxed of a fashion, even 6 months ago!

==========

DO YOU WANT TO CHANGE HOW FLYING FEELS?

To get started, please just go to:

http://www.fearofflying.com/store.shtml

==========

IF YOU ARE NOT SURE, CALL ME

I'm available from 10 AM until 7 PM Eastern Time (same as New York) at
877 332-7359. Outside the U.S. and Canada, call (203) 258-4803

Or email me at: tom@fearofflying.com

==========

FEAR OF FLYING BLOG

All the newsletter from the past year or so are at:

www.fearofflyingblog.com

plus some photos of last years New York SOAR-FEST and blogs
by Bonnie, Cap'n Steve (AA captain) and others.

==========

ARE YOU INTERESTED IN BLOGGING?

Oh yes, what does 'blog' mean anyway? It is an abbreviation of web log;
a few years ago, a few people started just putting their daily thoughts on
an Internet site; they called them their web log. That got shortened to 'blog'.

If so, please submit your blog to tom@fearofflying.com