STATISTICS DON'T HELP WITH ANXIETY

I received an email asking for certain statistics. The writer was convinced that with the right statistics, the trouble with flying would taken care of.

The anxiety cannot be controlled by statistics.

When we - as VERY young children - didn’t have a situation that allowed for the development of INTERNAL ways to produce “self-soothing” to deal with anxiety, we try one of two things or both.

1. We try to use the logical left brain to override the right brain which should - but doesn‘t have its emotion-regulating act together.

2. If that does not work, we try to control everything EXTERNAL to use because neither the left brain nor the right brain has enough horsepower to keep emotions within satisfactory limits.

Either way, it the left brain’s answer is: more control; to get control of what’s happening inside, or get control of what’s happening outside.

:The left brain believes that, with enough control of the world around us, we can then control our feelings.

But there never is enough control to really take care of anxiety.

Someone who had almost unlimited resources has already “been there; done that“ and it still didn’t work. His name was Howard Hughes. There is a new movie coming out this month about him, called “Aviator“. Hughes built an industrial empire that controlled TWA. But Hughes was phobic. He was sure that if he could get enough control, he could cure his phobia. But the more control he got, the more cure seemed to depend on even more control.

The first step in learning to control anxiety is to understand that the Hughes way of trying to control feelings - using left brain logic to control the right brain or using left brain control of the world as a way of controlling feelings produced by the right brain - cannot work.

Or, at least, it cannot work any better than it already does. There are serious limitations in using the left brain’s ability to dominate a right brain whose ability to automatically regulate feelings is not well-developed.

But there is a way to improve the situation. It is not using the left brain to dominate the right brain. It is not trying to control your world. To do any better, you must improve the right brain‘s ability to manage emotional states INSIDE regardless of what is going on OUTSIDE.

This means taking the risk of working WITH another person who knows how to improve the processes. But doing that is not easy. Why?

Because when a person is convinced control is the answer, turning to someone else seems like giving up control, the last thing the “control freak” would ever want to do.

That’s why when I hear from someone who tells me s/he knows exactly what they need me to do, I know their situation is hopeless because they can’t give up control enough to even listen.

The reason there is a problem in the first places is early relationship with guess who? A person. So why would someone convinced that control is the answer turn to another person? That seems like putting Dracula in charge of the blood bank!

So turning to someone else for help is - itself - threatening.  Often one does not realize how strongly one is clinging to control by the approach one is taking, an approach which says, "my rational mind - if I get the right information - will control the feelings."

The automatic "self-soothing" that is supposed to be built in between ages zero and three did not get built in well enough.  It gets built into the right side of the brain where visual information is processed and INTUITIVE LOGIC is processed.

Whenever the right side gets the upper hand, since it doesn’t control emotion very well, you are in trouble. So your strategy may be to try to always keep the left brain in control, to keep reason dominating feelings - not BALANCING feelings - but DOMINATING feelings.

Use it or lose it. Trying to run the show with the left brain leaves the relatively unused and undeveloped right side weak and on the way to getting weaker.

And when you fly, and find yourself out of control of the situation, though the right brain is ill-equipped to manage emotion, the right brain gets the upper hand and you are in trouble.

Remember Star Trek? Spock was emotion-less. But why? According to the early episodes, Spock came from a planet which was totally emotional, and the answer Spock tried was to have none at all.

When we are born, we are totally emotional. That is, when the amygdala “fires” it fires 100%; there is no modulation; it is either zero or 100%. That’s Spock’s totally emotional planet. With excellent parenting, we learn to modulate the right brain and it becomes useful. If we don’t we try Spock’s solution: control.

It might work on a Star Trek spaceship but it won’t work on an airliner.

When you reach the point of being ready to try what does work, please call us. Lisa is at 800 332-7359. I’m at 877 332-7359.

Or, order the DVDs at www.fearofflying.com/DVD.html

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CASE IN POINT

Dear Capt. Tom,  

It has been one year since I ordered my SOAR tapes. I was extremely skeptical that I would ever fly again but I was willing to try anything.    

I have just returned from Mexico! It was my first trip ALONE on a plane in 10 years. It was great and something really special happened.

I a met a girl just like me on my first solo flight. She and her husband had commandeered my single seat so they could sit together. He wanted to comfort her because she was so scared. She was shaking, crying and two fisting champagne glasses (on the tarmac).  

I was so happy I could share my story. I shared everything I had learned in the course. I realized as I was sharing the Jell-O analogy that I am not really afraid anymore!! We talked all the way through the 2 and a half hour flight. I am so happy that I could tell my success story.

The entire group of people around us got into sharing their fears and concerns and I really felt like I could help them too!  

It's like that movie Pay it Forward!!!    

So far I have been to Mexico (foreign air travel), Maui (over water), LAX (crowded air space) this year. I finally decided I could do that trip to Australia with my Dad who is almost 70 and been patiently waiting for his little girl to accompany him.   I just wanted to say thank you this Thanksgiving for giving me (and so many others) our lives back!

I was inspired to write this because of Julie and a BIG OLE KISS I saw in red lipstick on the door to the MD 80 who flew us all home form Cabo safely.

Gratitude. That's what I feel when I fly now.

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IMMEDIATE HELP IS AVAILABLE, EVEN AT THE LAST MINUTE

Capt. Tom Bunn MSW LCSW is both an airline captain and a licensed
therapist. Call (877) 332-7359 or (203) 258-4803

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ARE YOU INTERESTED IN THE SOAR PROGRAM BUT MONEY IS HOLDING YOU BACK.

Payments can be spread out over six months with no extra fees. Contact
Lisa at (800) 332-7359 or (914) 763-9603 or email Lisa@fearofflying.com

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TO GET STARTED ON BEATING FEAR OF FLYING

To order any part of the SOAR Course or the Full Guaranteed SOAR Program,
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